Ant

[jaslovesant]

Hiya,
I've been with Ant for almost seven months. I'm 16, he's 18 and he's my first proper love.
We have never argued, never had a fight, nothing. The thing is - we've never got anything to argue about, I find everything about him fits and nothing is ever annoyed or bothered me so much that I need to shout at him.
I love him so much...I'm always wondering what he's doing and what he's up to. I trust him, and I know I trust him but I still get scared of things...only because I've had dreams of finding him in bed with other people and seeing him kiss other people - and I wake up crying.
I hate it. It irritates me, I know he loves me and I know he would never do anything to hurt me but I get worried because I've visualised things that scare me.
I never want to see us split, ever. I always hope that we'll stick together. I'm scared of ever breaking up with him.
I must be crazy or something...and I need help about it 'cause it gets me down.
Jasmine x

[Tarabell952]

Jasmine,

Hi and welcome. You two sound like you have a good relationship. My boyfriend and I never got into one single argument the entire first year that we went out. We do fight occassionally now, though, so don't expect it to last forever.

If your bf has never done anything wrong, you have no reason to worry. You are probably having these dreams because you love him so much and don't want to lose him. I would try to ignore the dreams. Embrace the beautiful relationship you guys have. Don't worry about little things, cuz those fears can ruin a relationship. You just have to give your man the benefit of the doubt. That's what love is about.

Tara

[Frasbee]

I think couples should get in arguments as quickly as possible it really shows a person's character, and arguments don't mean you have a bad relationship. Fighting on the other hand (verbal and physical attacks) are different. And dreams are just dreams, take them as they are, don't get suspicious of him simply because you have a couple bad dreams. In fact why not talk to him about them?

[jaslovesant]

Thanks for the help.

TaraBell - Cheers for the advice. I know we have a good relationship, it's just one of those fears that stick in your head and you think, "If I'm worrying now so much, just think how bad I'd be if we broke up...". It's just scary thinking about it.

Frasbee - I've been told arguments are healthy too - but just can't argue with eachother, there is seriously nothing to argue about! we have debates, that's about it. We have been together EVERY day, for nearly 7 months, I mean EVERY day except a couple of days when I was in hospital - but he still came and saw me!! I can't think of one day we've been away from each other and yet no arguments. I have mentioned the dreams to him and he's says, "You know I won't do that" or moan that my dreams are weird.

Thank you very much for the help and advice, and I hope to talk to you again, Jasmine x - I'll be on this forum alot from now on!

[misombra]

there's nothing to argue about because you haven't been together that long. it's always like that in the beginning. but don't be in a hurry for drama and arguments and worry about cheating if everything is still good.

[jaslovesant]

misombra, Ant's ex girlfriend whom he was with for 10 months argued with him within the first two weeks of being with her, and they argued atleast twice a month because she was so unfaithful and bossy.

- I have friends who have been with there boyfriends/girlfriends the same amount of time as me and Ant - they argue all the time.

[misombra]

why would you spend your young, fresh, dating life with a guy with whom you started arguing with in the first couple of months?

(rhetorical question for myself if anyone.)

anyway, my point in that last post was, if everything's going great then let it go great. a lot of people are so worriesome about things that haven't happened.

but i know how you feel. my boyfriend is the nicest guy and sometimes i miss someone who will treat me like shit once in a while. it's kinda boring when everything goes a little too good.

and fighting in the first couple of months should not be your model for what a good relationship is. there should be enough love to make you sick. the arguments will come around as you guys get to know each other better.

[Frasbee]

Quote:

Originally Posted by misombra

the arguments will come around as you guys get to know each other better.

Oi Oi! to that. Yeah man, 7 months really ain't that long. My cousin was with her boyfriend for about 4 years, they got engaged and everything, OUT OF THE BLUE, she decided to break it all off, nobody could have foreseen that coming and they very VERY rarely fought. Not to bring you down or anything but just hope for the best and prepare for the worst.

[jaslovesant]

Okay I see your point, thank you!! Another question - I can't bring up conversation with his family, I mean theres been a couple of times where I'm talking with them and bonding and then most of the time I don't what to say to them? I've been told I'm quiet by his family and I can't seem to think of conversation except from, "Hi, how are you?", "Hows work?"...etc!! Ant is 100% to my family, he just chats and chats and chats.

[schueys_girl]

Im a lot like you mate - i worry a lot about my relationship...and its been said on here recently how its human nature to only pick out the bad things that are going on, no matter how few or insignificant they are...instead of focusing on all the good things. I know my boyfriend loves me and would never cheat on me, but i still get panicky and worry that he will just leave me. Its just irrational thought and you need to talk yourself out of it...otherwise you will let these worries ruin what sounds like a really good relationship.

Ive been with my bf now 5 months and 9 months before that (we split for a while) and we dont really argue that much, i dont think you can compare other peoples relationships with your own, how much they argue etc because everyones relationship is different, what matters is that when you argue it isnt blown out of proportion or taken too far. If i was you i would just try and work on the worrying (like i am doing ) and enjoy him while you have him because none of us really know whats round the corner...

As for the family thing i really dont know how to help, personally i am able to spend time alone with my boyfriends mom without him (helping her with food shopping, sitting watching tv with her etc) and his dad and brother no problem. I suspect the more time you spend with them the easier it will get. On the plus side mate you really dont seem to have anything to worry about - you and your bf love each other, his familys only 'complaint' (if you can even call it that!) is that your quiet and he gets on 100% with your family....so stop worrying and enjoy

[jaslovesant]

Hey, Schueys girl, thanks for taking your time to post me, ever since I've these peices of advice from people, it's made me think - like you said - about the better things. Last night my boyfriend was watching TV, and he wouldn't cuddle and me and stuff, he would but his face would stay on the TV. I decided to go to bed and about half and hour later he jumped in with me and we had sex. He then said he wanted to have a fag and watch TV. I started worrying, "is he only after me for sex?". When he came back to bed I didn't speak to him, and he knew something was wrong. I told him I had something on my mind and that I can't tell him. I just couldn't tell my loving boyfriend was bothering me about him. He started saying I could tell him anything, and he wouldn't get mad, etc. I told him he seems to pay attention to me only in the bedroom, and when he's watching TV, whatever he doesn't speak, kiss me, etc. He said he's ignorant when he watches TV, and he can admit that, 'cause I will ask him a question & won't answer. He said he loves me so much, and whenever I have a problem just talk to him about it.
It was really nice, and we ended up getting busy again lol.
I've learnt if I have a problem with the relationship, ie. being scared of break up, just to talk to Ant and have a chat about it, it's really nice...
Talk to your boyfriend too, it's really nice!

[schueys_girl]

Yup im always talking to my boyfriend and he shares all his worries with me (his are mainly about his job etc) he knows all about my worries and insecurities and does everything he can to help me with them.

Luckily i dont have the problem with him watching tv and ignoring me, he always has his arm round me or stroking my hair or something whilst watching tv, altho i dont think many men can talk and watch tv at same time (they cant multi-task) lol. But just because your bf is less attentive doesnt matter as everyone is different

glad to be of some help, if u need more advice you know where i am xxx