Want Ex back. what to do?

[Lostshootinstar]

Ok its kind of a long story but here goes. Up until about 2 months ago i was dating this girl. We dated for over 2.5 years, and i loved every second of it. We were like a power couple, no one thought we would ever split up.

well about 2 months ago i was going though a VERY difficult time in my life. i had no money, my grades were failing, everything i did went wrong. so, being the idiot that i am, i pulled the whole "I think i need some time alone" gig. I honestly thought just being alone for a little bit would help me clear my head and get my life back in order....now i know this was a dumb mistake so please try not to bring up how stupid i was for doing this anyway Valerie (my gf) was completely devistated, with good reason. I had broken her heart and her trust, but I honestly never ment to do it. I told her i never wanted it to be over forever, I just needed a little time.

Well about a month went by and i didnt talk to her at all really. until one day was feeling extreemly depressed and lonely. so i called her (which was NOT easy by any means) We made plans to go out for lunch. It was a wonderful time. we laughed and joked and it made me remember all the great times we spent together. After the "date" we hugged for a while and i tried to kiss her. when i did she pulled away and thats when the shit hit the fan. She told me she didnt want to get back together with me right away because she was so hurt by what i did. Ok, i completely understand her position on this and i let it be, it was after all my mistake in letting her go.

for the last month we have been hanging out, it has been a rollar coaster of emotion, sometimes good, sometimes horrable. However, lately (within the last 2 weeks) things have been going VERY VERY well. I can tell by the way she looks at me that she still loves me and wants to be with me. and she even tells me she does have plans of spending the rest of her life with me. But there is SOMETHING holding her back from taking that one last step into a relationship again. she says she is still hurt, but i have apologized in so many ways so many times, and i have been very hurt in this as well (she fooled around with other guys, but promises she didnt have sex with any of them. we were each others first and its kind of a special bond we have and want to keep at all costs) anyway. we have both been hurt. I know she wants to get back together, but i think she is afraid of what her new friends will think. she met a lot of new people at work and she hangs out with them a lot. they all hate me because of what i did to her, but i have never really met any of them and they dont realize all the joy i brought to her life.

so what can i do? she says she wants time, and keeps brining up the fact that we are "just friends", almost as if she has to convince herself of it. I know i should just wait and let things continue where they are going but the fact that she keeps saying we are just friends makes me feel like she may never take me back. she is so close i can taste it and it is so hard to live like this. Is there anything i can do to get her back? i need help! thanks

[cbee]

Not really, you need to give her time to weigh up everything. I suspect - and this is only what I think I would feel if I were in her shoes - that the real sticking point is that you walked away (I know it was only temporarily but you did walk away) and in doing that you hurt her. If she gets back together with you then what's going to stop you from walking away next time things get hard in your life?

You just have to keep being there for her, showing her that you're reliable. She may still decide that the risk of being hurt is too great but iof you push it too hard you'll definitely push her away.

Not sure if this is o any help at all but I hope so.

Best of luck

Claire

WELL... This is somewhat complicated. The way I see this storyline is like such:


1) Boy meets girl.
2) Boy and girl date.
3) Boy and girl love each other.
4) Boy has problems, needs time alone.
SO FAR NOTHING HERE HAS HAPPENED WRONG! The fact that you needed time alone is perfectly OK. I would have been pissed to find out that she fooled around with other guys.

5) Boy is ready to get back together, but girl is hurt.
Now.. this is where the conflict is. She's hurt, and naturally I think she would want to make you feel pain to get back at you for whatever it is that you did to her. However, I would be ASSUMING that that's her type of personality. So, moving right along...
6) Girl says "we are just friends"


Now, THIS is the part where you should be looking at. You ever said it yourself:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lostshootinstar

almost as if she has to convince herself of it.

Now, I don't think telling her "you know.. we don't have to be just friends anymore. why don't we go **** in a bathroom stall for a few?" would work. Definately a no-no. So, knowing that women tend to look at things emotionally not logically there should be something you can do to help. Now, you need to remember that her friends are an issue. Personally, I don't think you should give a **** about what your friends think, because you're the one ****in' somebody--not them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This is me and friend:
Friend: Ewww she's fat!
Me: Yeah well go **** yourself.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Here are the issues
1) Getting her friends to like you...again.
2) Getting her to let go of what happened.


This shouldn't be too bad. Now, issue #1 shouldn't be that bad, because, if you can take care of #2, then Valerie will take down #1 herself. You understand? Good.

How you do this is not by TELLING her things, but just go along with this shit. YOU ARE THE MALE. YOU NEED TO BE IN CONTROL *cough*

Quote:

The way to make a woman like you is to:

1) Not act like all the other average guys out there.

2) Make her laugh.

3) Be unpredictable, challenging, and mysterious.

...of course there are more ingredients, but use
these for your next meeting.

Don't act nervous or uncomfortable. Treat her like
you've know her all your life... almost like she's
your bratty little sister.

Tease her and make her laugh. Have fun.

Don't be PREDICTABLE. Do things that surprise her.
Say things that keep her wanting to hear more. Tell
interesting stories, and don't answer her questions
directly... instead, make her work for the answers.

And enjoy yourself...

The key, basically, is be unpredictable. It will make her let go of past shit because you are a NEW guy that keeps exciting things comin' up.

[Lostshootinstar]

She wont let me hang out with her and her friends...thats another problem. she says they dont like me (again, even though we have never met) so she doesnt want to invite me out with them to avoid problems.

i know i just need to let things run there course..but living with this horrible feeling all day, everyday is realyl starting to get to me!

[ImportBunni]

I have one ??? before I give you my advice. If you two are so close and have that special bond, then with all the problems you were going through, why couldnt you come to her and talk to her about it and have her try to help you out a little or stay with her and try to work through your problems on you own time?

[Lostshootinstar]

because that would have been the smart thing to do. and i am a complete idiot. I see thats what i should have done now, and i regret this mistake every day. but it happened and there is nothing i can do to reverse it now. i just need to work with what i have. It wasnt her that was the problem, and i had no right doing what i did. i understand that

Hmmm good point there ImportBunni. If you guys have this special bond.. then.. can't you just TELL her EVERYTHING

[ImportBunni]

understandable. Now, if her friend dont like you for "what you did" then maybe you should try talking to your ex about trying to work things out with her friends and set their story straight for the record. If she still loves you and you know she wants you back then why hasnt she tried to change her friends oppinions? nothing can come between true love and if her friends dont like you because of a minor situation between you two and cant understand you two getting back together then her friends arent really friends at all. Keep in mind these are just my OPPINIONS and are not to be takin the wrong way please.

Although.. it is possible that her friends are just trying to be "protective" n shit. Happens.

[ImportBunni]

Quote:

Originally Posted by LTsK8eR2gO

Although.. it is possible that her friends are just trying to be "protective" n shit. Happens.

thats understandable but if this girl really loves this boy then she would say something to her friends to change their mind or at least introduce them to the boy so they get to know him. It just doesnt make sence that if she really loves him then why isnt she doing something about it instead of holding back what she really wants. Friends shouldnt get in the middle of love just be there to support her with any choice she makes and be her FRIEND

[Lostshootinstar]

Quote:

Originally Posted by ImportBunni

thats understandable but if this girl really loves this boy then she would say something to her friends to change their mind or at least introduce them to the boy so they get to know him. It just doesnt make sence that if she really loves him then why isnt she doing something about it instead of holding back what she really wants. Friends shouldnt get in the middle of love just be there to support her with any choice she makes and be her FRIEND

well she has been telling me lately that she has been talking to her friends. Telling them how much she loves me and such and that they are getting a lot better and starting to support her more. so i guess that is a good sign

[ImportBunni]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lostshootinstar

well she has been telling me lately that she has been talking to her friends. Telling them how much she loves me and such and that they are getting a lot better and starting to support her more. so i guess that is a good sign

Thats a very good sign but its her oppinion on you not her friends and its up to her to go out with you not her friends. think about that

remember it's also up to you to even be in this situation in the 1st place. fuk i'd be gettin' head right now... *calls street hooker*

[Lostshootinstar]

yah. iv thought about it a few times. but i really love her so much. i think im just gonna let things run there course for a while longer. if they dont seem to progress, or start going in the opposite direction ill just start looking for someone new, unless anyone else has any other suggestions as to what i should do?. im sure there is someone else out there who can make me happy. i just really suck at meeting people

Yeah.. you can have importbunni.. I'm done with her so you can have seconds