please help

[emanresu]

Quote:

Originally Posted by LTsK8eR2gO

Heh..

You want to know WHY the columbine kids did it? www.pwned.nl

But with all due seriousness, I think there was a reason why the kids did it. There was something that happened to them in their past.. maybe abuse problems or whatever.

I do not know that anyone knows why, exactly. There are probably many things that contributed - their pasts and parents, influences of the society they were in, influences of people at school, even popular culture, availability of the tools they used, among others I imagine. Everything and everyone affects everything and everyone. More so than many people recognize or are willing to admit. Our day to day actions and words propogate more than we often know.

Anyhow, it sounds like you have some understanding of these things, perhaps more so than many people your age. If you have talent and things in your life to affect you, I believe you can imagine both the good and the bad you can do with those. There's always a choice, though it can take some strength to do and say what you know is right versus whatever obstacles may seem to exist.

Abuse issues for someone can be tough to overcome, I understand, but there is often a choice to be made. I believe that, whatever happens to us, many of us have the ability to turn it into good or bad. In my experience, it feels better to turn some of these things into good in the long run. My own bias.

When I was abused, I was 6 years old and it was in the bathroom at school. It happened almost everyday by older kids until I was 8. Right when that stopped, my parents got divorced. Not too long ago I told my mom about it and she basically flicked me off and laughed. I still hate her to this day for it. My dad.. well.. nevermind the story is too long to continue.

I lit the school bathrooms on fire because my subconcious went into an emotional rage. In the end I learned to have SERIOUS control over all of my emotions and I haven't done stupid illegal shit like that since

I had a court case regarding the incident, and I was given a $651.00 fine and 60 hours of community service. With some KICK ASS humor and persuasive speaking, I was able to lower the fine to $150.00 and only got 30 hours of community service. I'm still doing the 30 hours, just to tell you how recent this is.

Best of luck to you,

=[LT]sK8eR2gO < n'zizzle >

[emanresu]

Quote:

Originally Posted by LTsK8eR2gO

When I was abused, I was 6 years old and it was in the bathroom at school. It happened almost everyday by older kids until I was 8. Right when that stopped, my parents got divorced. Not too long ago I told my mom about it and she basically flicked me off and laughed. I still hate her to this day for it. My dad.. well.. nevermind the story is too long to continue.

I lit the school bathrooms on fire because my subconcious went into an emotional rage. In the end I learned to have SERIOUS control over all of my emotions and I haven't done stupid illegal shit like that since

I had a court case regarding the incident, and I was given a $651.00 fine and 60 hours of community service. With some KICK ASS humor and persuasive speaking, I was able to lower the fine to $150.00 and only got 30 hours of community service. I'm still doing the 30 hours, just to tell you how recent this is.

Best of luck to you,

=[LT]sK8eR2gO < n'zizzle >

Lots of good can come from bad if you let it, as I'm sure you've found from time to time. Always something new to learn, and always room for improvement, as good as we might be at some things in life. That's my humble opinion, anyhow.

You sound like you have thought a lot about some things and have good things to offer. Thanks for that.

Quote:

Originally Posted by emanresu

You sound like you have thought a lot about some things

Well, what I'm thinking about right now is how I can get some pussy ASAP. I need to figure things out with my girlfriend, and if shit doesn't happen quick enough I'm done

[emanresu]

Quote:

Originally Posted by LTsK8eR2gO

Well, what I'm thinking about right now is how I can get some pussy ASAP. I need to figure things out with my girlfriend, and if shit doesn't happen quick enough I'm done

That's the spirit! Don't settle.

HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA

hell yeah dude!

[AnthonyCasta]

Hello ... First, thanks for the advice on my problem ..

After reading into your topic, I had a similar situtation with my ex. Since the two of you broke up, have you guys been out? When I was trying to get back with my ex, I noticed that she would tell me that she is giving me a second chance by being friends... I don't aggree with the theory that being friends with an ex may bring you back together.. I would ask her if she wanted to go out to have a drink, dinner, coffee however, the response was always "we'll see" or "not right now" ...

I feel your best approach to this would now be to show her that you care. Show her that you will not be the same person.. This is not an easy task, believe me I tried and tried. I would have had better results if she wasn't dating someone.. In the past I have established communication by using greeting cards with roses inside of them, e-mails, and even letters.. It works for the most part..

Now, we are faced with the whole hitting thing. It always seems that we all remember the bad more then the good, the is especially common with women. They want to hold on to those bad memories, so they don't feel bad. What I like to do, is remind them of the good times, bring up events that strike good memories, places the two of you went where you had the best times.. As a last resort I would use the first date... I believe my exact words were, do you remember the..... remember when..... You can even end your letters / cards / e-mails with a quote such as:

It takes a minute to have a crush on someone..
It takes an hour to like someone..
It takes a day to love someone..
But, It takes a lifetime to forget someone..

Hopefully, you will find this helpful, I will look for some of your future posts...


Tony

Quote:

Originally Posted by AnthonyCasta

It takes a minute to have a crush on someone..
It takes an hour to like someone..
It takes a day to love someone..
But, It takes a lifetime to forget someone..

How long does it take to **** someone?

[emanresu]

Quote:

Originally Posted by AnthonyCasta

Hello ... First, thanks for the advice on my problem ..

After reading into your topic, I had a similar situtation with my ex. Since the two of you broke up, have you guys been out? When I was trying to get back with my ex, I noticed that she would tell me that she is giving me a second chance by being friends... I don't aggree with the theory that being friends with an ex may bring you back together.. I would ask her if she wanted to go out to have a drink, dinner, coffee however, the response was always "we'll see" or "not right now" ...

I feel your best approach to this would now be to show her that you care. Show her that you will not be the same person.. This is not an easy task, believe me I tried and tried. I would have had better results if she wasn't dating someone.. In the past I have established communication by using greeting cards with roses inside of them, e-mails, and even letters.. It works for the most part..

Now, we are faced with the whole hitting thing. It always seems that we all remember the bad more then the good, the is especially common with women. They want to hold on to those bad memories, so they don't feel bad. What I like to do, is remind them of the good times, bring up events that strike good memories, places the two of you went where you had the best times.. As a last resort I would use the first date... I believe my exact words were, do you remember the..... remember when..... You can even end your letters / cards / e-mails with a quote such as:

It takes a minute to have a crush on someone..
It takes an hour to like someone..
It takes a day to love someone..
But, It takes a lifetime to forget someone..

Hopefully, you will find this helpful, I will look for some of your future posts...


Tony

I appreciate your input. Yes, we have been out. I was actually the reulctant one to see her again, as it was too hard to as friends, but she steadily kept asking me to get together. She seem to think it's important to remain friends. Yet, when I suggested before that it could work if we both tried harder and if she could stop bing so defensive, that shut her down into a defensiveness again. For the past month orso, I've said nothing about what she had to do with it, only that I could understand how my approach negatively affected things, that months opf thinking and talking with people about it and her has shifted my thinking and I think that would nip the difficulties in the bud having a better sense of how my approach affected her, and that I wanted to try. Yes, she sticks with the bad memories (the slap, the break ups). Yet, we are going to dinner next week and she says she would "like to see where the freidnship leads". She is not dating anyone, "not even a trickle" for her was her response when I told her that I have dated and an old ex is back in contact - "when it rains it pours in weird ways like someone somewhere is trying to tell me something" and I have no interest in those, I've realized. This conversation was days ago, and she seems pretty resolved in the "I'm afrtaid of going back where I didn't like, so let's just be freinds", though the "see where it leads" seemed hopeful.

Anyhow, thanks. It helps to get perspectives.

[emanresu]

Quote:

Originally Posted by AnthonyCasta

Hello ... First, thanks for the advice on my problem ..

After reading into your topic, I had a similar situtation with my ex. Since the two of you broke up, have you guys been out? When I was trying to get back with my ex, I noticed that she would tell me that she is giving me a second chance by being friends... I don't aggree with the theory that being friends with an ex may bring you back together.. I would ask her if she wanted to go out to have a drink, dinner, coffee however, the response was always "we'll see" or "not right now" ...

I feel your best approach to this would now be to show her that you care. Show her that you will not be the same person.. This is not an easy task, believe me I tried and tried. I would have had better results if she wasn't dating someone.. In the past I have established communication by using greeting cards with roses inside of them, e-mails, and even letters.. It works for the most part..

Now, we are faced with the whole hitting thing. It always seems that we all remember the bad more then the good, the is especially common with women. They want to hold on to those bad memories, so they don't feel bad. What I like to do, is remind them of the good times, bring up events that strike good memories, places the two of you went where you had the best times.. As a last resort I would use the first date... I believe my exact words were, do you remember the..... remember when..... You can even end your letters / cards / e-mails with a quote such as:

It takes a minute to have a crush on someone..
It takes an hour to like someone..
It takes a day to love someone..
But, It takes a lifetime to forget someone..

Hopefully, you will find this helpful, I will look for some of your future posts...


Tony

By the way, I am convinced that it was my approach that hurt things. I've thought a lot about what has gone into what makes her her (her upbringing, etc.) and kick myself for not having a better appreciation for this before.

Remember that if you cling to her there is no way in hell she's going to come back to you. Talking to her about "dating" in general leads to horror, unless you boast about how many other women you've been seeing (IN A HUMOROUS WAY).

Please don't double-post here. They made an *EDIT* button for a reason.

And btw, nobody answered my question..

Quote:

Originally Posted by LTsK8eR2gO

How long does it take to **** someone?

[emanresu]

Quote:

Originally Posted by LTsK8eR2gO

Remember that if you cling to her there is no way in hell she's going to come back to you. Talking to her about "dating" in general leads to horror, unless you boast about how many other women you've been seeing (IN A HUMOROUS WAY).

Please don't double-post here. They made an *EDIT* button for a reason.

And btw, nobody answered my question..

Do you think it's possible that the "I don't care about you", make her jealous by boasting about women I'm seeing, don't call her back approach may tend to be transparent to older women (in her case, a bit older AND very intelligent and analytical) with more experience?

It would really help if I could get more female perspectives on this!!

It's not an approach and you aren't being a dickhead about it. You are to be NORMAL about it, but humorous.

Then it would make her think about it. And besides, if fit would make her jealous she should just date you i know i know i know.. lol

[emanresu]

Quote:

Originally Posted by LTsK8eR2gO

It's not an approach and you aren't being a dickhead about it. You are to be NORMAL about it, but humorous.

Then it would make her think about it. And besides, if fit would make her jealous she should just date you i know i know i know.. lol

Thank you. She is very sensitive to games - that was part of the problem. She was often suspicious I was trying to manipulate her when I tried to just talk through things. She was always afraid that I would "use things against her" and I am afraid even mentioning that I had dated someone and called it off - to be fair to the woman I dated as my heart was elsewhere - and had been contacted by an ex might have been the wrong thing. However, her response was "I do not want to hold you back", which is better to me than her thinking again that I was trying to hurt her somehow by saying these things (as I would only want to convey them to let her understand that I have realized, due to many things, that I was wrong and it is her that is important to me). I feel too old, and that life is too short, to play games.

You may be right, though. I do not know. I just want to do the right thing and make it right with us, not give her more cause to feel bad or distrust me.

Answer me this:

What is the most desirable end result?