What would you do if you found out he lied by pics on the net? - Love Forum

Marlo · #1 (**permalink**) 05-01-05, 03:58 AM

I was just cruising the internet and went on a website of a guy from around here. He had a group of pics from a huge party on August 27th. As I was going through them I happened to pick out my b/f in 2 of the pics. Although in the pics he was just standing there talking to another guy, I was never told of where he went.

I ALWAYS ask him what he did if for some reason we werent together the night before. (we lived together) Just like "so what'd you do lastnight..." type of thing to make convo.

If he had of told me that we went to a major party without me I'm am sure I would remember and probably wouldn't have liked it. For the life of me I can't remember what he told me he did, (being 4 months ago). But it was all drunk people and ALOT of drunk girls doing drunk things. Not somewhere someone's b/f should be, and be hiding it.

Why would he sneek behind my back and not tell me about it, even when I asked?

We've had "issues" to say the least lately. I've asked him bluntly if there was anything else that he was keeping from me. He swears that there isn't and if there was he would "certainly tell me because he knows he is on his last chance". Well here it is, I found out by seeing the cold hard truth on the internet.

I"m thinking what was he doing so bad that he couldn't even have told me that he went?

What do you guys think?

cycletease · #2 (**permalink**) 05-01-05, 05:13 AM

If you have a history of him lying about his activities it seems to me that this is evidence that this behavior will continue. If you don't have trust in a relationship you have very little to build upon. Some people are just not able to be honest and if he is one of those guys there is nothing you can do to change him.

But for a different perspective, it is possible that he is a basically good guy and is keeping this information from you for a reason. If you are a jealous person and tend to get upset when he does something that you may not like, it is likely that he is keeping this from you for no other reason than to avoid the drama. If that is the case you need to consider your own role in the trust issues in your relationship. If you can't trust him when he is doing nothing wrong then it is not likely that he will want to be honest with you.

Either way, I think that since it is clearly bothering you then you need to talk to him about it. I would suggest bringing it up conversationally instead of accusingly since you have no evidence that he has behaved falsely at this point.

Illusional · #3 (**permalink**) 05-01-05, 12:58 PM

haha without reading your thread, i wouldn't date anyone from the internet unless i first met them.

raverboy

Frasbee · #4 (**permalink**) 05-01-05, 01:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Illusional

haha without reading your thread, i wouldn't date anyone from the internet unless i first met them.

raverboy

Haha, you definitely didn't read her post.

And to that chickgirl, I dont know what he's done in the past, and you don't know what he did at that party. I think you're too quick to jump to conclusions. And why beat around the bush like that? Why not just flat out ask him if he got it on with any of the drunk girls at the party he hadn't told you about?

Marlo · #5 (**permalink**) 05-01-05, 08:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Illusional

haha without reading your thread, i wouldn't date anyone from the internet unless i first met them.

raverboy

I didn't date someone from the internet, I had been living with him for a year and a half. Yesterday I found pics on the net of him at that party while I was working.

I'm not a jealous person. I don't accuse. He has cheated on me a few months before this and I chose to forgive him, because he came clean and told me about it, and I didn't catch him, only with the agreement that he would not hide anything from me.

I wouldn't have enjoyed that fact that he was at the party while I was working, and I wouldn't have flipped out. I probably would have been ticked off, but I get over things fast.

misombra · #6 (**permalink**) 05-01-05, 09:25 PM

well what did he say he did the night before when you asked him? you remember?

you ought to confront him. tell him that you have been trying to get over the cheating thing and going to parties and not telling you doesn't help. if he doesn't come clean about the party i'd dump his lyin' cheatin' ass.

Marlo · #7 (**permalink**) 05-01-05, 10:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by misombra

well what did he say he did the night before when you asked him? you remember?

you ought to confront him. tell him that you have been trying to get over the cheating thing and going to parties and not telling you doesn't help. if he doesn't come clean about the party i'd dump his lyin' cheatin' ass.

I can't remember where he said he was. I know for a fact he never told me that he went to the party because I know that I would have been very uncomfotable with it.

I do remember what I was doing. Working. I usually work Thrusday nights but got my shift changed that week because I went to a concert.

I am going to confront him on it. There is no way for him to lye his way out.

I'm thinking of telling him that I found out yet another thing that he did behind my back. It was in the last 6 months, and instead of he telling him what he did and him lying his way around it, he is going to tell me. If he was done 10 things that he is keeping from me, then spill the beans, because I will probably find out about those ina few weeks too. I have proof that he was there and there is no getting out of it.

Cybog · #8 (**permalink**) 05-01-05, 10:38 PM

If your relationship is weak enough that you allow him to cheat on you and then get away with it, what makes you think he is worried about the reproccusions of simply going to a party?

These arent the kinds of actions that a guy does and then changes overnight. Once a cheater always a cheater.

If you dont take a stand and stop putting up with this BS in your relationships, guys will be walking over you for the rest of your life.

I have a feeling this isnt the first time something like this has happened in your relationships?

Marlo · #9 (**permalink**) 05-01-05, 11:19 PM

Well no. He cheated back in May. One nighter. Told me about it. I chose to stay with him. Then We split in Oct for a few weeks. First my decsion, then his, then we got back together for a "fresh start".

Then I heard he was trying to meet up with a girl in July, but didn't. Just found out a few weeks ago. He admitted it. Says it was before we broke up when he was "unhappy".

Now this. This also happened before we broke up in Oct.

All of this seems to have happened before, but just because we had a "fresh start" does that mean that I should keep it in the past?

Cybog · #10 (**permalink**) 05-01-05, 11:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Marlo

All of this seems to have happened before, but just because we had a "fresh start" does that mean that I should keep it in the past?

Personally I can't say. That is entirely up to you. I have never believed in this concept of relationships "taking a break" or having a "fresh start". You are the person you are 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. If change and sacrifice or understanding or whatever doesn’t come naturally, taking a break isn't going to get you anywhere.

You have to either accept that what he did was in the past before your so-called "fresh start" and then allow anything and everything to be considered "ok", or you don't. We can’t decide that for you.

However, with all of these "extra curricular activities" going on outside of your relationship, do you really think he has changed?

Marlo · #11 (**permalink**) 05-01-05, 11:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cybog

Personally I can't say. That is entirely up to you. I have never believed in this concept of relationships "taking a break" or having a "fresh start". You are the person you are 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. If change and sacrifice or understanding or whatever doesn’t come naturally, taking a break isn't going to get you anywhere.

You have to either accept that what he did was in the past before your so-called "fresh start" and then allow anything and everything to be considered "ok", or you don't. We can’t decide that for you.

However, with all of these "extra curricular activities" going on outside of your relationship, do you really think he has changed?

What do you mean?

I obviously don't think that he changed after he cheated because I found out 2 more things that he did behind my back. None of the included sex (that I know of), but still.

As far as has he changed since we broke up for a few weeks back in Oct? Well, yeah I think. But I also thought that after he cheated. So I don't really know. I haven't heard anything since then, but who knows, I might.

Illusional · #12 (**permalink**) 08-01-05, 03:18 AM

haha i didn't read her post.. as i had said before. i was hanging and now i'm again i'm hanging. i'll get back on this thread later.

raverboy

Illusional · #13 (**permalink**) 08-01-05, 03:20 AM

k.. i'll deal with this now before it slips my mind. well being that you're quite upset about this partying would be the reason why he didn't tell you. he feels that you don't accept this lifestyle in which he loves, which is the reason that kept it from you. he knew that you would get mad and didn't wanna upset you.

the two of you are are gonna have to come to an agreement if you wanna stay together.

raverboy

Marlo · #14 (**permalink**) 08-01-05, 04:27 AM

I wouldn't have been all that upset if he had told me that he went. I'm upset that he hide it from me and I found out a few months later by pics on the net.

nebulachich · #15 (**permalink**) 08-01-05, 05:13 AM

I would be bothered too.

If you don't want him to know you saw the pics or were on the guys website... can you bring the subject up in a way that he doesn't know you saw the pics? Or if you can say you saw the pics just say "I noticed you were in a couple of the pics. How come you didn't tell me about the party?"