Where are we going?

[cws5479]

My boyfriend and i have been dating for almost a year (this mth). We grew up together so we pretty much know everything about each other. we have disucssed marriage and buying cars and houses. I know that he loves me and wants to be with me, but there seems to be a little bit of fear in him. My problem is that I want to know when all of this is going to happen. He keeps saying that he wants to surprise me, but I think that we have known each other long enough to where he should know if he wants to marry me and when. he talks about buying a house this year, but when is he going to ask me? How can I talk to him without him feeling like I am pressuring him into marriage? I am ready to marry him becuase I love him with all of my heart and he is the only man that I want to spend the rest of my life with. I am just afraid that if I keep talking about this issue and asking questions, that he may back off from the idea of it. He showed me a house plan the other day and he said that he wanted us to check out some lots this week so that says to me that we will be moving soon, but when is he going to commit? Am I making too much out of this? Someone please let me know. i just don't want to be sitting here waiting and waiting and years go by and we haven't progressed any.

[Tarabell952]

Quote:

Originally Posted by cws5479

My boyfriend and i have been dating for almost a year (this mth). We grew up together so we pretty much know everything about each other. we have disucssed marriage and buying cars and houses. I know that he loves me and wants to be with me, but there seems to be a little bit of fear in him. My problem is that I want to know when all of this is going to happen. He keeps saying that he wants to surprise me, but I think that we have known each other long enough to where he should know if he wants to marry me and when. he talks about buying a house this year, but when is he going to ask me? How can I talk to him without him feeling like I am pressuring him into marriage? I am ready to marry him becuase I love him with all of my heart and he is the only man that I want to spend the rest of my life with. I am just afraid that if I keep talking about this issue and asking questions, that he may back off from the idea of it. He showed me a house plan the other day and he said that he wanted us to check out some lots this week so that says to me that we will be moving soon, but when is he going to commit? Am I making too much out of this? Someone please let me know. i just don't want to be sitting here waiting and waiting and years go by and we haven't progressed any.

I know how you feel. I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years. I am about to graduate from college, and all along we said that we would get married when I graduate. But recently I mentioned something about it, and he said he's not ready yet. He also said he probably won't be ready until he's about 28 (now he's 22 and I'm 21). I really don't want to wait that long. But I love him, and I just hope he's joking about being 28 when he proposes.

Here's my advice to you: You guys have only been together for a year. While that's a long time, it's not an extraordinarily long time. Maybe he wants to wait a few more months. Give him time to make up his mind. You don't want him marrying you because you pressured him to. You want him marrying you because he has decided that he cannot live without you. After enough time has gone by, if he still has not proposed, sit him down and ask him why. Is it a fear of commitment? Is he not sure that you are what he wants? But until then, don't worry about these questions. Give him a little time. Remember he must care about you a lot if he is with you and you are looking into buying a house.

I hope everything works out well for you. Let me know.

Tara

[sfalexi]

Not to mention that moving into a house is a pretty damned big step in of itself. I say focus on moving in and making it a "home". A little while down the line, when you're both settled in for a few months and everything's going along smoothly then bring it up again.

Alexi

[schueys_girl]

How old are you guys? I know what you mean about waiting around for him to propose and stuff, but as you said im sure you dont want to pressure him into it, and if he does love you and still wants to be with you then that really should be enough for you until he is ready. Also as alexi said moving in and buying a house together really is a big commitment step...the marriage stuff will just come later...are you being impatient due to insecurities? i.e. do you need to be married to him now to feel your relationship is secure? A year is a fairly long time to be together, but nothing compared to 3+ years...

[cws5479]

I am 29 years old and he is 33. A year is long time to be togehter, but he has known me my entire life and we have always been very close friends. He knows me inside and out. I'm not inscecure or anything like that......I just know that I want to be w/him forever. I will remain calm about it for a couple of mths to see if he brings it up again. If nothing happens by then, I will discuss it with him to find out where we are going with this. I am going to go along with the house plans and see where that leads. Thanks for you alls advice!!!!!!!

[misombra]

you don't have to get married right away to prove to the two of you or anyone else that you will be together for the rest of your lives. marriage does not decide those things. he's including you on getting a home together, that's a big step and men usually want to have a house and some stability before they get married. it's perfectly reasonable. the marriage will come but right now you are doing something beautiful together. take it in and don't worry about marriage. you'll have plenty of time. the two of you are young. there's plenty of time. i hope everything works out okay.

[luvtif]

i am glad i am not alone. i just graduated college and have been with my bf for six years. we have talked about it forever and i know we will eventually but when. he says maybe even this summer, but that is not too far away...where is my ring???????????? damn men-they are hard ones to figure out!