Fallen For The Girl Next Door

[Up A Creek]

Advice needed

Let me set the scene,

Just finished the first term of my first year at Edinburgh University. Its been a great laugh, consisting mainly of going out getting rat arsed and failing exams! Can you beat student life? The people I share the dorm with I get on really well with (In one case too well) which is surprising considering we all come from all different parts of Scotland. I'm drifting of the subject a wee bit so here's the problem:

The first time we met was the first day of Uni, she opened the door and I was taken aback. She was stunning. 5'9 Brown hair and one hell of a smile......... body, face etc

Note :

Don't get the impression that I'm some sap that crumbles at the sight of lassies. I'm no. In my 18 years I've had my fair share of girls about 5 serious relationships (You know what I'm saying) which have ranged from 2-8 Months.

Anyway...We hit it off straight away and she seemed like a genuinely nice person, but what can you tell from one day?

Well I could tell she was one hell of a sexy dancer, she gives the impression of

"A lady in the street but a freak in the bed" You know what I'm saying lads!

anyway..

Everything was brilliant considering I'd just broken up with my girlfriend literally a couple of days before and thought it might be hard for me to settle in away from home but then I heard the words no guy wants to hear (Unless your homosexual)...

"I've got a Boyfriend"

Don't worry I didn't come out and ask a blunt question, she managed to slip it into conversation, deliberately but cutely.

I wasn't too disappointed as I had just met her so I was quite alright with it.

Regardless, over the next few weeks we grew closer and closer. This is when the problems started :-(

Note:

I've never been able to keep lassie friends as friends. It generally goes along the lines of: They starts to fancy me or vice versa. This has happened countless times so I've come to expect it. Lassies and I don't have much in common you see, I'm very much into sport (Mainly Rugby and football) and that doesn’t often capture a woman’s imagination. Just like shopping doesn’t mine.

Back to the story:

We'd practically do everything together, we'd got out at least twice a week clubbing (with a group of friends or on our own). We're very "touchy feely" people so there is allot of physical contact between us, play fighting, wrestling, back rubbing, touches of "areas" but nothing that would constitute as cheating (Kissing, sex etc.) all in the name of fun.

This has happened a few times: We'd come back from night clubbing, both had a bit to drink she would give me this look it would drive me nuts. She'd look up to me (I'm 6"3 btw) with head at a slight slant down, this would emphasise he beautiful brown eyes. Her hands would be clasped together and she'd sway her upper body from side to side, her lips would be slightly pouting... I'm off to choke the chicken... Just playin. If she were any other lassie in the world I would have made my move but I promised to her and myself, I would never make a move while she was going out with "it" (Her Boyfriend) . I would never break a promise because without honour you have nothing

After about the 8th week of the ten week term I had totally fallen for her, I'm not one for holding things back so I told her upfront how I felt about her. I got the wanted to hear "I like you too!" then we did one of those hugs she likes so much. The we went on a bit : "You mean like like or do you just mean like like like etc.." a wee bit school kidish but we were both on a high.

We had previously talked about what it would be like if we were an item. We answered such questions as...Would living next to each other be a problem? Will the distance we live apart be a problem (Parents houses)? Even down to questions like: What’s your favourite sexual position? and Do you like the lights on or off?

I kind off expected something to happen, like her to dump her boyfriend? Well truthfully I didn't know what to expect. If I'd made a move I recon it would have sealed it one way or another. But thanks to my stupid promise (which seemed sensible at the time) nothing developed.

I kind of expected her stay with "it" (Boyfriend) because she isn't one for jumping into relationships with guys. She's been in two serious relationships, one with a guy which went on for 2 1/2 years aged 14-17! Its not like she fine chooses them (even though she could have anyone she wanted), the guy was a arsehole, so I've been told by her friends. I think its a first come first served basis with her.

Let me tell you about "it".

23 Years old, Plumber, twat. Suspected pedo in my eyes.

I personally am into taking girls out, meals hotels different places. "it" hasn't taken her out in the 10 months they've been together even though he's earning a wage. The cinema and pubs seem to be the limit to his imagination.

He has little in the way of personality and he's been suspected of cheating on her "man I sound bitchy".

Don't think he's more mature or more "man-ly" because I could beat the crap out of him easily (Not an Important point to lassies but to lads it is).

She's admitted he wasn't her type when they met, maybe because he's got a face like a rats arse.

She has admitted I'm better looking, funnier.....the list goes on. I ask why do you date him? She can't come out with answers.

Her main quality which is a gift as well as a flaw is the fact she is the nicest person your ever going to meet. She proves you can go through life without lying. The problem is should couldn't finish her tea never mind finish with "it". That is also why I l..., I lo.., lloov., I like her lots.

If there were no strings attached she would pick me over him. I can't stress that enough.

I'm not one for breaking up happy relationships but I care to much to see her get hurt. I don't want her to get hurt after wasting what could turn out to be years with this jack*ss!

What should I do, next time we go out should I make a move?
Should I let it go?
Should I see less of her?

Something needs to change, my insides hurt too much for it not to.

Well Here I sit in my room at Uni 6:16am, just got back from the Christmas holidays. Not seen her for just under a month. Spoke to her a few times on the phone but I've been trying to keep her off my mind and hope these feelings go away. Didn't work. She's due back tomorrow so please help with suggestions.

Thanks for reading what must be close to a book,

Will try suggestions & I'll let you all know how they get on.

[Cybog]

Hmm, ill attempt to tackle this monstrosity of a story.

But first, story time:

Once when I was a young man, I fell hardcore for a girl that I knew in my heart that I loved dearly. She came to me for everything. The problem? She was to be married soon, and had no intentions or love for this guy.

Long story short, she felt forced into the relationship and marriage due to obligation and family promises/commitments....there's more to it, but needless to say, the got married, and then split less than a year later.

This whole time we remained in contact and always spoke. I was stationed over in Japan at the time, and we would talk for hours at the strangest times of the night.

But, there was a catch. I made the exact same vow that you did - never to get involved in the "relationship" aspect of her and her husband. No matter how much she came to me for help and guidance, I would NEVER talk to her about her husband/fiancé.

Why is that? Why do people make that decision? For those that don’t know, the best reason for this is very simple - If something ever happened between Him and Her, you would never want to go through life looking like or feeling like the one responsible for their breakup. It's a shitty "good guy/friend" position to take, but one that eventually makes you feel good in the end.

It's kind of a weird "karma" position to take as well. Sure, there are a million other bastard assholes out there that just love to swoop in and lay some broad who is in a position of weakness. But what's the challenge in that? For me, sex with someone you can't love is just sex. And I have had plenty of that. But love is not something you get everyday.

My advice to you?

As much as it sucks, and it pains you to see her with "It", I suggest you lay low and let her do her thing. The only thing you are accomplishing in this relationship is hurting yourself the more feelings you start to get for this girl. You need to back off a little bit. Become a bit more independent of her entirely.

Look for someone more attainable.

Trust me when I say this - Nothing sucks in life more than seeing the most wonderful girl in your life being treated poorly by some chump. I have seen this more than enough times, and every single time it sucked worse than the time before. But it is a simple fact of life.

You have to let her make her own decisions in life. If you try to force her out of this relationship, by your words OR your actions, it will only come back to make you feel worse in the end.

Let her find her own path, and hope that when this relationship ends, she finds you at the end of it.

[Up A Creek]

Thanks for the advice Cybog, in my heart of hearts I know what you say is the right thing to do. I'll take it into account and try my best to move on. I can't thank you enough for getting things into perspective.

Once again thanks.