Quick Advice

[toto]

Hi everyone,
I havent posted for a while but thats a good thing but ive got a problem now.
I used to date a girl for two years, part of that time we lived to gether. Going back a few months, we broke up and have rearly seen each other since. We both have been dating other people, and i still am, dont know about her.

Today i received a message from her saying she found something of mine and how am i. I replied and we haved arranged to meet sometime this next week.

There has been little contact sine our break up and that has been so strange since we had always been together as a couple. Thats why im a bit confused about this recent contact and her willing ness to meet up as i suggested she posted the object to me.

I feel that meeting up with her is a bad idea but i still want to do it. I dont think i will tell my new girlfriend to save hassel....or should i be honest to her and explain that its just to collect something. the problem is i think it might be more to it and although i would not go back out with her and got badly hert by her before, if im honest, i have wanted something like this to happen. theres alot of history between us and i suppose because our relationship i'' miss her always and this could be a chance to stay friends.

Is that a good idea though.....?

[King Zarathu]

First, you need to figure out what you WANT from the situation. What is the most DESIRED outcome?

2ndly, if it were me, tell your girlfriend everything that you have posted. One thing I have learned over my.. umm.. 14 years of existence *cough* is that COMMUNICATION IS THE KEY!!!

You want to let your girlfriend know everything so that she doesn't think you're trying to sneak things behind her back. Oh, yeah, try eating the girl out a good 30 minutes before you bring anything up

[Jenrick285]

I remember that situation... I guess its good not to see you around, that means all is well, that or you're not like me... bored out of your mind at work sometimes.

I would tell your current girlfriend... Wouldn't you like to know if the shoe was on the other foot? Besides, things always have a way of comming back around, and if you didn't mention it, it would infer that you had something to hide...

I think it would be good for you two to meet up. Just remember what she did to you. See her as her now, not the way you have her in your memory (Where she can do no harm).
I wish you luck, and to find your peace.

[toto]

Sorry for the late responce, but thanks for the advice.

Still havent met up yet, but i am feeling more prepared for when we do. I suppose the way we left it ment i was the one who lost out. times have changed, and we have moved on, but i still think of her and the lack of communication since the break up hurt. But from what i know, things are better for me than for her so it feels like a high school renunion in which i have the upper hand.

......Supprised you remembered my situation, saves me having to get into it again!

[Laguna]

I think you should tell your girlfriend, because if she finds out, it might create even more of a hassle. Just say that your getting stuff back from her and it's nothing bad.

[uptownboy]

Why would you tell your current girl?

She don't need to know, you know damn well she wouldn't tell you shit!

Oh, yeah, try eating the girl out a good 30 minutes before you bring anything up

HAHA!! YES!! I'd tell her while you're licking her starfish...if you tell her anything at all.

[Laguna]

Dude, you have to tell the girlfriend. It would be better if he did. What happens when he dosn't tell her and she finds out he's out with another girl, EVEN HIS EX, it could be even more pain and torment for him in the end wihtout telling her. I would defiently tell my girlfriend.

[bluebell]

Whatever you decide to do- tell your girlfriend!! The worst thing is to be lied to. I hate it and it just makes me wonder what else their lieing about!!

[toto]

Im going to tell her.....I know id want to know, and it keeps my mind clear. But Ill wait till i know when im meeting up with the ex first.

I supose my main consern was the actual meeting up! The advice has helped me not get dragged into any old emotional ties i have with her, but i know they are still there. Or at least this has sparked some to appear. Anyway thats at the extrem end of the spectrum. I know what i want from this meeting and its not her so the pressures off.

Ill keep you posted

[Jenrick285]

Good luck

I think you'll always be reminded of the better times the two of you shared, most people do and realize that's it's something of the past...

And what do you want from this meeting btw?

[toto]

Well, when we first broke up we said we would still be friends and that if we could not see each other (at all) it would be too hard to break up....it made since at the time.

Then she moved out and she may as well have left the country, having only seen her on one or two occasions collecting something or on a night out. (Briefly)

Now I don’t feel I need to see her but think it would be good to establish some sort of relationship. Because when I have seen her out in a nightclub and it has been by accident and our reaction is to avoid each other, (one time we ended up queuing up at the bar in our own groups but next to each other), only talking when we have to.

So what I want is to sit down with a coffee so I find our level of friendship and to just find out how things are going for her, catch up. But I think that should be it. NO meeting up again. I’ll be happy if we can stop to say hello to each other with no awkwardness.

If it’s anything like when she moved out she will turn up with her 'new boyfriend'.

[Jenrick285]

I kinda like that, at least be on good terms, one that you would be if you two were strangers...

I would find it mildly amusing if she brought her new beau for lunch...
Actually I'd feel sorry for the guy if he was dragged along...

Anywho's best of luck and keep us posted

Cheers