Those in a serious relationship....... - Love Forum

Mr. Chimps · #1 (**permalink**) 26-06-03, 01:48 AM

I've been with my current girlfriend for a year now. I love her with all my heart, and I can never see myself without her. I can honestly see myself marrying her, but that won't be an option for at least a few years when she is out of medical school and done with her residency. Our relationship is very strong, and we haven't had any major rough spots at all through the past year.

Here's my problem. She's the first serious relationship I've had, and before her, I only had a handful of relationships at all, and only two or three that had any substance. I was never confident enough in myself in high school to approach many girls. However, now that I do have that confidence, I can't really do anything about it.

Part of me kind of wants to have some time to myself to date around, and not worry about having the limitations of a serious relationship- BUT, I don't want it enough to take any action on it. I'm more than happy in my relationship now, but I can't help but have some curiosity of what it would be like if I was single. Since I've been in this relationship, there have been several girls that have show interest in, and if I was single, I would have shown interest back. Don't get me wrong- my relationship with my girlfriend is near perfect, and I have no complaints at all. She's all I could ever ask for and more, and I don't want to lose what I have in her.

How have you guys gotten through these things? There is no way that I would ever want to end our relationship because I want to be single, but the doubts and curiosities bother me. And I know if they're bothering me, it will eventually become evident and she will know that something isn't right. I don't want to talk to her about it, I guess it's just something I have to work out for myself. Anyone have advice?

IceQueen · #2 (**permalink**) 26-06-03, 09:10 AM

I have no advice for you -- I am just here to tell you that you're lying to yourself when you say "I can never see myself without her."

You know what set me off? You refer to her as your current girlfriend.

I know. I used to have a "current" boyfriend. Who was a perfectly nice person, just not exactly right for me.

And this is how I know she is not the one for you.
I say your search should continue (heh, while I was writing this, I realized I do have advice for you, sorry).

Illusional · #3 (**permalink**) 26-06-03, 02:31 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by IceQueen
I have no advice for you -- I am just here to tell you that you're lying to yourself when you say "I can never see myself without her."

damn..you're responses make me laugh, they are to the point and very blunt.

however chimps... trust me, the only way you're satisfy your curiosity is by actually giving into it. no matter how many times i tell you that the grass always looks greener on the other side of the fence, but it is hardly the case, you're never going to listen to me unless you try for yourself. i went and broke off a good relationship that i had only to realize that most girls are the same in that they want someone they can trust and who won't break their hearts. however finding a compatible person is a lot harder. if you feel as though you have something good, stick with it because another good person is hard to come by. HOWEVER if you feel that you're always be curious, i would say get it out your system now because the temptation will only grow with time. raverboy

Killerbabe · #4 (**permalink**) 26-06-03, 05:38 PM

Ice Queen - that's a bit too rough, you can't tell a person their relationship isn't going to work out just because they're curious .

Which is, FYI - quite normal, many people overcome that complication in a relationship, cause whn they DO, that's when you start to appreciate the person you love. And that's when the dangles come

I don't know just how curious you are, but... consider my story for example. I'm in a great relationship, but I think my boyfriend had to go through the same thing too (well, not really, he had all the experience he'll ever need) - he fell in love with me for the first time in his life, and we were really happy all this time, until one day i read his e-mail to his cousin, saying "I wish I can check out the ladies, but I'm practically married to this chick". I was very upset that day...I thought he'd never get along with that. I thought he'd never settle.
His cousin, who is a very smart person, replied "one awesome girl is better than a thousand ****in tricks. . its better for your self esteem to know that somebody truly cares about you than to prove to yourself that you can **** lots of bitches. guys who feel the 'need' to do that are just fulfilling an insecurity"... fortunately, my wonderful boyfriend overcame that little problem, and now I perfectly trust him, I know that he'll cherish me, like never before.

Make your conclusions. Either way aroud, if truly love that girl, sooner or later, with the help of my advice or without it, you will come to that - but be careful, some people manage to stay in the "curious" phase till it's too late.

ViSionS · #5 (**permalink**) 30-06-03, 01:11 AM

Ever heard the old saying 'If you love something set it free, if it comes back to you, it is your's to keep. If it doesn't it was never meant to be?' or somethign like that. It's true. If you realy want to find out for sure, go on hiatus from each other for a while and see how you feel. Go on a couple of dates. She should too. Give these dates an honest effort, you will only get out of the experience what you put into it. If you belong together, then it will become painfully obvious fairly quickly, for both of you. Don't go running back to her at the first sign of discomfort though. Make sure the way you feel is due to the fact that you should be with her instead of your date, and not just because of the newness of being apart from her, but truely because it's just not right. The worst thing that can happen is one or both of you will decide that you aren't right for each other, which isn't as bad as it sounds because you can stop waisting your time on something that has no future. But then again, you might find out that you are soulmates. Either way, even though one outcome involves a breakup, it is still a win-win situation. If you do break up, just remember that it was going to happen eventually anyway.

I don't know if that makes much sense. I'm realy tired right now so let me know if that was confusing.

ViSionS

shafkore · #6 (**permalink**) 30-06-03, 05:05 AM

I agree with Queenie. You CAN picture yourself with other women.

There is a problem in your relationship. I think you are too weak to look at it head on or you could be lying to yourself.

Maybe she doesn't make you feel special ?
Maybe she talks about other boys in front of you ?
Maybe she doesn't satisfy your needs in bed ?
Maybe she seems more involved in her studies then you ?
Maybe you feel she feels the same way ? (Wanting to date around)

I don't know, but I know there is definitely a problem somewhere's. It has been buried over time, and it is your job to excavate it. Forgetting about it isn't going to do anything. When this fossil comes back up, it could create chaos. I say dig it up now, before things get very serious. You don't want this fossil surfacing when you two are married and have children. That is where broken homes and marriages come from. Be responsible and tackle the situation now. Do not be afraid of the TRUTH, which essentially may be CHANGE. Do yourself (and her a favour) and figure out what the problem is. Talk to her about it. Maybe it is something you both have to change to keep the relationship. Maybe it can't be done, and it is time for you two depart and move on.

Keep positive thoughts, but DO NOT become OBLIVIOUS to the TRUTH.

Your brother,

JohnsonROd · #7 (**permalink**) 04-07-03, 09:54 AM

RJ, I am in the exact same situation as you are, I've been with my girlfriend for 10 months, and we got together when I was only 4 months out of a 3 year relationship.

I don't really have any advice for you... but I can tell you you're not in this boat alone...

Blarque · #8 (**permalink**) 24-07-03, 08:25 PM

Love yourself enough to know you can live better without her.

Quote:

Originally posted by Mr. Chimps
I've been with my current girlfriend for a year now. I love her with all my heart, and I can never see myself without her. I can honestly see myself marrying her, but that won't be an option for at least a few years when she is out of medical school and done with her residency. Our relationship is very strong, and we haven't had any major rough spots at all through the past year.

Here's my problem. She's the first serious relationship I've had, and before her, I only had a handful of relationships at all, and only two or three that had any substance. I was never confident enough in myself in high school to approach many girls. However, now that I do have that confidence, I can't really do anything about it.

Part of me kind of wants to have some time to myself to date around, and not worry about having the limitations of a serious relationship- BUT, I don't want it enough to take any action on it. I'm more than happy in my relationship now, but I can't help but have some curiosity of what it would be like if I was single. Since I've been in this relationship, there have been several girls that have show interest in, and if I was single, I would have shown interest back. Don't get me wrong- my relationship with my girlfriend is near perfect, and I have no complaints at all. She's all I could ever ask for and more, and I don't want to lose what I have in her.

How have you guys gotten through these things? There is no way that I would ever want to end our relationship because I want to be single, but the doubts and curiosities bother me. And I know if they're bothering me, it will eventually become evident and she will know that something isn't right. I don't want to talk to her about it, I guess it's just something I have to work out for myself. Anyone have advice?

julie · #9 (**permalink**) 25-07-03, 01:31 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by IceQueen

You know what set me off? You refer to her as your current girlfriend.

I know. I used to have a "current" boyfriend. Who was a perfectly nice person, just not exactly right for me.

Icequeen, I actually agree 100% with you. If you are still curious, and it matters enough to write it down here, then she is not the one for you now. Actually, thats all she is. NOW. Or "current" as you put it..

Dont confuse yourself. Do what you want until youre no longer curious.

I had an ex that needed to look around. We didnt work out.