God this is embarrassing.

[jimbob]

I'm sure there have been several thousand more embarrassing topics on these forums, but as far as I'm concerned, this is an embarrassing thing to write.

I've known this girl for four years, and we've been great friends for about a year.(Check out my profile for the pre-now situation in more detail). I asked her out last tuesday, but we don't umm... do anything. It seems like we're still "just friends".

I've lost a g/f before because of this. Going out, wasn't much point in going out because we were both shy and it didn't feel right.

I really want to get close to this girl; she means a lot to me. So many things conflicting in my mind at the moment. Surely if she's going out with me, she wants to get a bit close... Surely as the bloke I should be the one... starting if you know what I mean.

This all makes sense, but we're both really really shy and have never had this sort of relationship before. I can tell it's what we both want, but just don't know how to go about you know... the whole touchy thing.

Would mentioning it in a text be a good idea? Talking about it? Going straight in there?

Any thoughts/comments greatly appreciated.

[LightOn]

Tickle her is a start.

How old are you both?

[Swoon]

define what you meanby touching, have you even kissed her, or anyone else? plus how old are you

[bohemiandonut]

Umm, I think "discussing" you first intimate moments would kind of take the fun out of it... and make them awkward as opposed to magical and spontaneous. Just relax, be romantic and funny, and before you know it her tongue will be in your mouth dude.

If you like her, just ask her out again. Be spontaneous, be subtle, you don't talk about how to initiate romance, you fall into it.

Have fun! (that's what this is about, remember?)

[Laguna]

Just go for it. STOP THINKING. This is why your shy. You over-think. God, didn't I mention something about over-thinking ruining everything in another thread?

[Frasbee]

Yeah dude, thinking too much used to be one of my problems. If it helps, avoid from jerkin' off for awhile, you'll start puttin' on the moves without a problem when your dick is doin' all the thinking.

[K3vMySt3r]

to me... she might see u as just a friend or a best friend looking for advice kinda thing....maybe i could be wrong cuz u're not really specific on the relationship with her on a more specific level, but ask her and be open about how u feel. It'll save u time, just go up to her and asks wat she sees in you. But from wat i'm reading its more based on a friendship level... but iono let us know... thx

[PKsEvolution]

ummm I think "over-thinking" is a bad way of putting it, if your gonna give advice, do it in a way people can follow literally, telling someone not to "over-think" and to just "go with the flow" is umm, well it's lame, ok so. what he's TRYING to say, is that your thinking too hard, and first sight it looks like he knows what he's talking about, but telling you to stop thinking about something your worried about isn't exactly class-a advice. First off you've gotta find a way, with or without your gf, to take your mind off what your so worried about. Age isn't an issue here, you can still follow this pretty much without any problems.

1. You can't magically decide "I'm not going to over-think and everything will be ok", but at the same time, you can't possibly think about your issue 24/7. Theres GOING to be a time where you'll notice your not thinking about her, say when your singing along to a song, or playing a video game.

2. Once you've noticed it's off your mind START thinking about it. Start thinking situations that you want to happen with your gf, things you wish for to happen in the future, whatever it may be, perversity to one side please.

3. You've then gotta think what would possibly occur beforehand in order to get to that situation, that should include, what you said/did beforehand and what she replied with and how she reacted to you.

4. Think about it like this, if you want to get something out of the relationship, you've gotta know something about her which makes her behave confidently without being shy or not acting as herself, if you don't, then you don't really know her that well, and if you don't know her, then you shouldn't be going out and you should DEFINATLY change that very soon. If you don't know how to get to know her, I'll explain that too ^_^.

4.5. Promise yourself that you are going to do something about your situation, and don't rely too much on other people to help out, noone can tell you what to do exactly, you've gotta perform the solution that suits your situation perfectly, you've gotta come up with things that you know would make her more comfy with you. I'll list some common things that peeps to in order to get through to other peeps...

i. Stay tight lol, i.e things like press your body (like lean) against her gently if your sitting on a couch, if your on a couch you could even wrap your legs around hers and gesture and smile. You can hold hands, or link arms, when your walking, but make eye contact at the same time and smile (without teeth or teeth depending on which your more comfortable with).
ii. Try and be happy, not psycho-hyper, not dead-beat-boring, if your happy and at least half talkative, then she will be back, and if she isn't, ask if she's ok/if something's wrong.
iii. Go with the flow, say whats on your mind, don't filter out what you want to say because your embaressed, I can't stress enough how important it is to PROMISE yourself that you are actually going to do something about it, you can read this however much you like, but you won't get anywhere without actually acting it out.
iv. if you've said whats on your mind, and she didn't like it/found it odd or weird, you CAN sort it out, it's better saying something embaressing then sorting it out with a quick "ooook, I'm a bit weird today arn't I?" or "umm heh, sorry *blush*" than not saying it at all, she'll understand, and if she doesn't, then at least your trying, unlike her who I imagine is in the same shoes as you shyness wise *checks* yuppers.

5. Perform, act it out, think about what your going to do, think about how she might react (assuming you know her well enough to predict), if you think she'll just find you totally out of character then don't do it, if you think she might think your a liiiitle weird, fook it, go for it, try it out and then apologise if it goes pot lol, but just remember it can only get better aslong as you perform, things are NOT going to sort itself out unless she's actually going to do something about it herself, but you just can't tell can you? So assume it's up to you...Promise yourself you are GOING to try something to sort things out...

5.5. If it turns out SHE IS doing something about it instead of you, DON'T follow these completely, you'll only look like a pair of jokers faking out your relationship, you can still use the i, ii, iii's etc. but don't explore in speech (i.e. saying embaressing things) if she's doing it first.

6. Once you start seeing more comfy patterns, you'll notice you'll be able to say a lot more things comfortably, and thats what you want, comfort and security, and you'll get it, provided you pluck up the confidence to perform...

7. final step. once you've settled in, you can finally, stop thinking so hard about things, and
*breathes in slowly*
go..with..the..flow heheheh ^_^

Pat
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

[Laguna]

Wo, sorry watch out for the pro. I forgot your the elite guy who knows all. Over-thinking = thinking to hard.

[PKsEvolution]

lol sowwy, it's just because yah know, if your not clear then peeps arn't gonna know what to do, and you can cause conflict, which I think you've aparently done the last time you used over-thinking lol

"didn't mean no harm george honest I didn't" - Lenny from Of Mice and Men

[Laguna]

Good book.

[jimbob]

Lighton:

Quote:

Tickle her is a start. How old are you both?

Wha? Ba? Der wer ger? Huh? Tickle her? Did you even read my post about that sort of thing feeling out of place because of our personalities and status? I thought not. Or maybe I should've been clearer. I'm 15. lol.

Swoon:

Quote:

define what you meanby touching, have you even kissed her, or anyone else?

1.) Touching being anything other than talking. 2.) See above. Hehe.

bohemiandonut:

Quote:

Umm, I think "discussing" you first intimate moments would kind of take the fun out of it...

I totally agree. However, I think it might be a good idea to... vaguely mention it so it doesn't seem completely random at first. Thanks for your input.

Laguna:

Quote:

Just go for it. STOP THINKING. This is why your shy. You over-think.

Like others on this thread, I'm not sure about not thinking because if I did that various bodily functions would shut down, eg. breathing. Nah, just kidding, I know exactly what you mean here. You're right about thinking/shyness... I do think. A lot. And more. But when you're like me it's difficult to suddenly stop without the aid of a baseball bat.

K3vMySt3r: Thanks for the advice.

PKsEvolution: Wow, that's the best, most clear, concise response I've ever seen. I can't thank you enough for your time & kindness!

Thankyou especially for 4.5, 5 and 5.5, I feel they especially apply to my (or our...) current situation. You're right, I need to think... but get it over. Go with the flow. And if there isn't a flow then bloody well create one!

4.5 iv... That's so true. When you're best friends with somebody like this, an embarrassing moment will just seem like a drop in the ocean.

I'll be trying not to overthink in the future, and try and get on with it. If she wants to go out with me, which she does, she wants to be with me, then she wants to touch me too. I'm just a shy bastard who needs to get used to it all. And so does she.

Thanks so much for al your time and advice!

[PKsEvolution]

*smiles smuggly*

[KaWaiiSkYe]

*raises eyebrow* yesh pat, we know he loved it, no need to be so proud. lol! and by the way, there's a smug icon on here...

[PKsEvolution]

lol oh come on look at that beast, it's horrible, I wouldn't smile like that in a bazillion years, and of course I'm proud lol, I put 885 words of effort into that! :| honestly lol