In love with a friend

[Snowflake]

Hello!

Some of you might remember my last post, but for you who don't, I'll summarize it for you.

Basically, I have a girl friend (not girlfriend) who I've known for a couple of years. We've become quite close the past months and I've developped feelings for her.
About 2 weeks ago, she came around, and, don't ask me how it happened, but we started kissing and made out the whole night. Nothing sexual, just kisses and hugs.
A few days later we spoke about it and she basically said that it just felt right at the time and that she doesn't have any feelings for me but that she only felt some type of atraction at the time it happened.
So I asked her, on the phone, if she'd like to keep "the door open" and she said no.

She is the calm type of girl. Kindest person I've ever known and I find I know that she wouldn't do anything with someone unless it meant something to her... at least, that's what I'd like to think.

So, this is the update...
I was almost sure that nothing else would happen after our conversation on the phone, but boy, was I wrong!
She came around 2 days ago. We chilled, watched some TV like we always do and... we started kissing again. I was the one who took the initiative.
We also went a step further than kissing, not proper sex but I think you all know what I mean.
It felt so right. Afterwards we were both lying in my bed, she was cuddled up to me and it felt so perfect. Hard to explain really... just the feeling you get when you're deeply in love with someone I guess.

Anyway, we spoke on the phone again, today...
I was kind of hoping that she would have changed her mind by now and that she had developped some type of feelings for me, but... she said to me that she had no feelings for me whatsoever, except some feelings of atraction, or "lust".

We kind of agreed that we both wouldn't mind that much if it happened again, but at the same time, she was very keen on making it clear that she had no feelings for me whatsoever.
She also said that she would hate it if she was giving me any false hope or anything like that and she also said that if we keep doing what we're now doing, we're not supposed to feel "binded" to our "thing". Meaning, we can date whoever we want, make out with whoever we want and so on. Like a friendship with benefits but with no strings attached.

I asked her if she was really sure about this and only after I'd asked her a few times I lied and said that I felt the same way when the truth is that I have very deep feelings for her.

She said that she'd hate it if our friendship changed or if anythign happened that would jepordize our friendship. I promised her that she'd always have my friendship, no matter what.

We've really become a lot closer the past 2 weeks. I guess we kind act like BF/GF towards each other. We talk for at least 2 hours per day, we open up to each other, I do the whole "baby-voice" thing to her when she's hurt herself, I care about her more than I would with a friend. You know what I mean.

I asked one of my friends what he thinks, and he basically thinks that she DOES have feelings for me but that she's uncomfortable with "putting a lable on it" because she is having some problems about going from friendship to relationship. But Im not so sure about this. Even though he (my friend) is very sure that she has feelings for me and that she'll come around eventually and wanna make it "official" Im not so sure that that's the case.
She was so keen on making it sure to me that she had no feelings of love for me but simply some feelings of atraction and that she wouldn't mind that much if it happened again, just as long she doesn't lose me as her friend.

Now it kind of feels like I've finished on 2nd place. Like Im the one that she can "have fun with" while she's searching for true love. And that SUCKS.

I'd appreciate if you could give me some help, especially girls since she is a girl and girls seem to know how girls think.

R

[greeneyedgirl23]

Hello,
I think that this girl does have feelings for you. The majority of girls do get attached to guy friends, especially after crossing certain lines with them. I also think that sooner than later she will want you all to herself. If you were to put yourself out there for other girls, and she saw this in person, chances are she would get jealous. Maybe you should take her up on the fact that you can see other people, date a girl, and see how she reacts! I bet you will get the reaction you want!
Keep me posted!
P.S. Maybe you could read my posting under Greeneyedgirl23 and give me a male opinion on my situation???

[Snowflake]

Quote:

Originally Posted by greeneyedgirl23

Hello,
I think that this girl does have feelings for you. The majority of girls do get attached to guy friends, especially after crossing certain lines with them. I also think that sooner than later she will want you all to herself. If you were to put yourself out there for other girls, and she saw this in person, chances are she would get jealous. Maybe you should take her up on the fact that you can see other people, date a girl, and see how she reacts! I bet you will get the reaction you want!
Keep me posted!
P.S. Maybe you could read my posting under Greeneyedgirl23 and give me a male opinion on my situation???

I would like to think that that's true, I really really would. But the thing is that she was so keen on telling me that she had no feelings for me. She really was.

Maybe she's denying it because she doesn't want to lose me as her friend?
That was also the thing that she was so worried about when we were talking on the phone. She said that she doesn't want me thinking about her in a different way than before, and I replied that I still think of her the same but that some new feelings have been introduced but that they do not, however, affect our friendship.

Do you reckon she'll ever come around? Will she get feelings for me if she really does not have none at this point? Or if she does have some (not strong, just "some") feelings for me, will they get stronger or disappear eventually?

Thanks for your reply.
Hope that other people will answer this as well as I want to hear what you all think.

Thank you in advance!

[Chlorine]

Snowflake------Perhaps she values your friendship very much. So she's worried that if it doesn't work out, the friendship would be over. Hmmm.....strange way of going about it.

The worst scenario would be, she's lonely and just wants to get physical. Since you guys have known each other for a few years, she trusts you. However, she has no intention of starting a relationship due to certain reasons that she's NOT telling you about. Is this classified as "using you"? Maybe, in a round about sort of way.

What a tangled web we weave.

[misombra]

ooooh, she's a commitment phobe. i would suggest that if you don't want the same thing as this girl that you just leave her alone, cause those people are evil heartbreakers. i've been on both sides of this, and when i was on this persons side of it, the deal was that i had this person but i was free to do whatever i wanted at any time, just because that's where i was at that point in my life. this person feigned feeling the same way and i eventually tore this persons heart to pieces. he still goes running around town talking about what a ****ed up ho i am. it's been more than 3 years... anyway, when i was on your side of it i just couldn't handle the fact that i didn't know, nor was i obligated to ask, what this person was doing (aka who this person was ****ing) when we weren't together, and i left him alone, and it was hard. i don't know though you never know with flighty people. i suggest going out and hanging out with other people. this person might get jealous but my motto is, if i can't hold you down, you can't hold me down either. let me know how goes it...

[Snowflake]

Thanks for your reply, misombra.
But no, she's not afraid of commitments. I know this because I know her.
She longs for her first "real" relationship, but she really wants it to be with the right guy.

Chlorine:
I find it hard to believe that she'd use me intentionally, but if she does not have feelings for me, I guess she kind of is using me like I wrote in my first post.

Damn, this is so hard. I wish I could read peoples' minds!

[Chlorine]

Snowflake-----Remember, you have a choice too. Next time she's wants to get physical, you can always say "No".

I think that would a reversal of the stereotype and it would definately shake her up. Two reactions I can think of:
1) You say "no", she gets mad because she feels slighted.
2) You say "no", she gets worried and tells you she really cares about you etc etc.