Guys please help!!

[greeneyedgirl23]

I have posted my problem on other sites, and need as much advice as possible!

This guy and i have been best friends since high school (6 1/2years now). We have always had a cool relationship. The usual joke around, playful, fun. But we are also really close. He told me that im the best friend he has ever had.

Over the past 4 years, things have changed between us. We have grown very emotionally close to one another. We can talk to eachother like we are unable to talk to other people. The conversations at times seem like we are more gf/bf than best friends. At one point we were talking like 8 times a day. Well, we moved to the same college town and started experiencing new people and our new environment. We were fighting a lot during our first year away from home, but the strange thing was when we would fight, he would still find a way to get around me. Either through friends, or he would call my phone from a blocked number. Everyone teases me and calls him my husband. I just brush it off.

Well It has been a few years since we have moved away. I actually graduated and moved back home. My last year (i graduated last may) in our college town was great. We were spending a lot of time together. We would meet up at the bars, or just go on drives together. Many times i would pick him up after he was home from the bars and take him to get something to eat, and we would just talk for hours. If I didnt pick him up, he was still calling me when he got home to talk to me. he would tell me that im such a wonderful girl, with a big heart and that i would be an awesome wife and mother someday. He told me i would be the best teacher ever etc.. But often times, he would tell me about the girls out at the bars that he went home with. Sometimes i would believe him, other times i knew he was full of you know what (trying to make me jealous).

Well, he and i go through fazes where he will get mad at me and not speak to me for a while, i am always hurt and confused by this. He still manages to contact me though. Like I said earlier, he will call me from blocked numbers and just listen to what i am doing. I know it is him because it only happens when he and i fight. The phone calls are usually 2am after the bars close. anyway, we were getting along really well last fall, and i remember at my christmas party we were talking in my room and he told me that he's never going to find a good girl, and just the way he looks in my eyes drives me crazy! I found him with his hand at my waist when we went out, and sometimes holding my hand when we were going on drives and talking.

Not long after we were getting along so well, he got mad at me for no reason. I gave him small gift (nothing major it was a funny book) for his birthday and that night he got all crazy. He threw the book down, dumped beer on it and told me he hated me and i was never his best friend. I didnt understand what was going on so i followed him and tried to understand. He told me that he just needed to get partying out of his system and why couldnt i understand that? I was confused because he and I are friends, and i have never tryed to make him do anything. He said if we were on a playground, he didnt want to play with me right now. it was the wierdest thing. This coming from the guy who is so comfortable with me that he calls me from the shower or the bath. AHH.. He also told me that he felt like he was going through a divorce, and he hoped i never got a divorce. I was crying my eyes out to him trying to understand, but he just needed his space.

about a week later he started calling me. One night he saw me talking to some guy in the bars and called me all night (from blocked numbers of course). One time it was like 17 times in a half hour time period and i told him i was turning my phone off that he was going to either talk to me or go to bed. well the next night we hung out he apologized when he saw me. But would never give me an explanation. He didnt want to bring up the past.

We got a long for a few months. spending time together etc. One night i was dropping him off at home at about 3am, he got out of the car and when i was driving away, he was standing there with a huge smile on his face. he called me when i got home and mumbled that he loved me. I said it back. I think he tried to cover it up because he said to me "are you like my sister" ? well we were getting along and hanging out like normal, and then one night he and i were driving and he said it again. This time comparing me to his family. he said he loved them and would do anything for them, and he loved me too. Now, I dont know how to take this?? because 8 days later he shows up drunk at my house after I saw him out that night, and picks a huge fight with me and tells me he hates me.

I dont know what he is doing???!!!! We didnt talk from april until this past november, and i was going insane. The phone calls were still going on even though he was so mad at me. Finally he came around and apologized. I dont know why he got so upset and pushed away again. I told him that he had no reason to do that, because i am the best friend he will ever have and needs to respect me. When we are together things are great. It feels like its more than friendship. We have never made out or crossed that line, but I love him very much. Im even pretty close to his brother. Over the past few months we have been good. He got jealous when i mentioned this guy to him, but nothing came of it anyway.

Some of you may think that i have talked about alcohol quite a bit, he isn't an alcoholic at all, he is just in the college scene and is actually graduating with a business and econ degree this may, so he has it together with ambition and education.

He calls me when he is out of town on vacations with the boys, and from the bars, and when he gets home. Just recently told me that he wishes he had a good girlfriend , and described everything about me!!??? Does he have more than friend feelings for me?? OR am i reading too much into something that i want??? Any advice would be great!!!!!

Thank you!

[C1d6OC]

Wow, that was long...I read it all though. Here's what I make of it. His mood swings (I guess you could call them) show signs of him being unsure. I think he might have more than friend feelings for you, but he may not want to take that risk, because you have been such good friends for so long. If you guys do end up dating, it is risky only because chances are you guys could have an incredible relationship, but if it were to end (not to say it would) then it would be real uncomfortable afterward. Him telling you things like he loves you and then covering it up with "are you like my sister?" To me, it might be there to get a reaction from you.

I guess it would be tough to talk to him about it, but you never know. He could be thinking the exact same thing about you. Wondering if you're giving him hints that may make him think.

I would suggest that if you are willing to take a risk and have these feelings for him, just tell him how you feel straight out. See how he reacts. However, the only thing I worry about is you, because he seems to get a bit violent...not physically, but he needs to work on his temper. I wish you luck with whatever you decide to do...if anything.

Cdoc

[Prodigal]

I also read the whole thing... what a compelling story.

Cdoc has some great advice. I don't know what to add, because, well, most of it was already said.

Maybe he gets these crazy mood swings because he is unstable. He may be mad at himself for not being able to take initiative. It really does seem like he has feelings for you. I've only told one girl I've loved her, and it wasn't in a romantic way (she is like a sister to me). And when I said it, I made it clear that it wasn't meant romantically. The fact that he wasn't blatant and only used it more like a cover shows what Cdoc suggested.

I was going to say more, but I lost my train of thought. Forgive me. I'll reply more later if I find the words again.

Anyway, good luck!

[DarkTravesty]

Both very good replies Cdoc and Prodigal...I'd have to agree with both of you as well. I think the very same thing, it sounds like he's testing the waters so to speak, but isn't sure if he should cross that line yet. I would definately tell him how you feel about him in that respect. I'm not totally sure why he would seem to get so angry and tell you that he hates you, other than maybe he's scared of his own feelings towards you and that is how he is handling them.

[greeneyedgirl23]

when he does test the waters, i try to say things that let him know how i feel. I am scared to come out and tell him. When we have conversations, and we talk about why a certain fight/argumemnt occured, he says "you know you love me" or "when we were fighting, deep down you loved me" and i tell him, yes i do/did. He often makes comments like "im your best friend, not so and so", or "I come first", "who do you like the best"? and he knows im going to say him. He knows he comes first. So by him knowing that, does he already know my feelings? How do guys think? how would you guys see my actions as coming across if you were in his shoes?

P.S. thank you for taking the time to read my post!

[Frasbee]

If you ask me, it doesn't sound like a very stable relationship you have there...

[C1d6OC]

Interesting that you try to say things to let him know how you feel. Although I think that is good, now you want to see how he feels. Remember from before that maybe he does have feelings for you, but is unsure. How bout you try what ladies do best and play a little "hard to get" (no offence, I love women ). All I'm saying is that if you feel that maybe he knows how you think, try to see if you can get a reaction from him by NOT giving him hints. The object is to make him think too, just like you.

Understand that if this guy does have these feelings for you, he will show them MORE if he doesn't necessarily get the reaction that he wants out of you. When he says things like "I love you", don't say it back, instead say something like "that's nice, thanks". But do it in a jokey manner and poke fun at it. Obviously you know how you feel. Get him to figure it out. Keep in mind though that if he doesn't have feelings, all this may fall through the crack and not have any effect on him at all.

Remember that you guys are best friends and you should be comfortable with each other in many areas. Not ALL areas, but many. If he can read you like a book, it's time to start putting some words in there he doesn't understand. Bare in mind, I still think that he needs to work on his temper too. Keep us posted.

Cdoc

[Only-virgins]

My computer ran out of RAM memory to open all of that.

[greeneyedgirl23]

Well, here is a minor update C1d6OC and others interested....

My friend has been putting in more effort latley to spend time with me. He came over to my best girl friends house last friday night and hung out with us for a bit and ended up driving me home because i had some drinks. We had a good night, just catching up with my girlfriend, he hadn't seen her since last summer.

He and I talked for a little while and then I was a little quiet while he was driving. I had this feeling of such contentment beingin his truck with him and I was just in a daze for a minute. It was funny because he asked me why I was so quiet (not normal for me)! I just looked at him and smiled and he smiled back. Its just so wierd, sometimes by the look in his eyes, its like he knows what i am thinking behind that smile.

Well he left that next day for Cancun. He went down with a group of guys for spring break. He asked me if i was going to worry about him or miss him that week. I just smiled at him and told him to make good choices and not to end up in jail. I didn't like the fact that he was going because it's so crazy, but he IS single.

He got back on Friday evening and I didn't expect to hear from him. He called me that night and stopped by my house late that night. It was really shocking to me to see him that night, it was the least thing i had expected. I met him outside (he didnt really want to talk with my roomates boyfriend, cause he gets annoying) and we sat on his tailgate of his truck and talked about his trip and how my week had been.

He told me that he had a good time, but when he goes back, he would like to go as a couple with other couples as well. Then started again testing the waters.... and I dont know how to take this....

We were talking about a friend of ours and how he had gone out to the bars with him when he was visiting from out of town. I said, "I wonder why erik doesn't have a girlfriend" and he said, "well when we go out to the bars and talk to girls, he looks at them like they are his best friend, not someone he is trying to get with." I said that i didnt know the difference, and he said "well you and I are best friends, and I can talk to you about everything."
This was confusing to me. I didn't know what he was talking about. He wasn't looking in my eyes as a best friend would, it was different, even as he was saying this to me. I think he likes to see me squirm. So I just smiled and agreed. I really think that sometimes he has to in his own mind, justify he going out of his way to spend time with me. Like he is telling himself that I am just his friend because he can't believe what is happening. I know for a fact that he doesn't do this with other girls. I am going insane, and the more time we spend talking or together, i get more confused because we are just at this point where we can't become more involved without "crossing the line".

What do you think?

[Tearslost]

full speed ahead. Get on with living life. Its either a go or not. I doubt you want this to go on for the next 5 years. I think youll probably have to make the first move. you may get hurt you may not, but otherwise youll be agony cause you wont know.