What Can I Do? I Love Him. Just Not All Of Him..

[icy_hotness]

Okay, about 9 months ago I met this fantastic guy. We clicked instantly but decided to stay just friends since I was in a relationship at the time, and he was just getting out of one. After my other one fell through I really looked towards him for support, and I found much more.

He's everything I want in a guy, he's funny, smart, very handsome. He understands me well and I feel like we are not only boyfriend and girlfriend, but best friends. There's one thing though that's really bugging me.

He drinks and he smokes.

I understand that he had a life before he met me, but I'm taking this really hard. Not only does he smoke cigarettes, but he does weed, cocaine, and all that bad stuff. Since he's met me he's definetly decreased in it, and he only uses weed now, and drinks. It still bugs me though. You see I was raised my whole life to think "drugs are bad" and drinking too much is evil" and I vowed to myself that I would never get involved with someone who took part in those activites.

If there's one thing I've learned in this, is that you can't choose who you fall in love with. I know when you're in love your supposed to take the good with the bad, but the fact is I CAN see myself marrying this man, starting a family with him, growing old together. But there is NO way I would ever bring kids into a home where there is drugs and drinking. I was not raised like that, and it is strictly against any morals I have left. I have talked with him about it, and he was raised with all that sort of stuff, so it's hard for him.

I just don't know what to do, am I right to try and change him? I do not want to leave this relationship, there's so much love.

Help!

[yoshikuni]

You're exactly right in knowing you can't choose who you fall in love with. I never in my wildest dreams thought I would fall in love/infatuation with a churchy girl, anything but. But thats beside the point...

All I can say is, you poor soul. Although I myself have never fallen in this situation, I can say my parents have. So I can only give advice based on their input and my watching them before their devorce. Both my father's (biological and non) both have had histories of drug abuse. Before they divorced, my (bio) father had been convinced of not drinking for 13 years. My step father has and still is off of cocain since he met my mother. So what I CAN say is that it CAN be done. As far as the smoking, thats not impossible to live with, as its the mildest of all the drugs out there. I wish you the best of luck for you and for him. You both are in for a rough ride, but it will pay off in the long run. Just remind him every once in a while that he doesn't have to do drugs in oder to have fun (since most drug addicts believe otherwise)...

I hope I have been some help to you!

[K3vMySt3r]

i much on agree on yoshkiuni's statement... if u love a person... and he loves u back... changes are bound to be made for the better, and seems lyke u're trying i mean he's not doing the hardcore drugs anymore... support him and sometimes u gotta be blunt about it and hit him with some reality. I lyke to believe that if someone loves u they will do wat they can for u... dats how i lyke to believe my theory at least. But yes i wish u the best of luck and keep us updated

[uptownboy]

Ya, don't do that to him and yourself. He needs a girl he can kick it with and get high together.

And you need a dude who don't do that shit. I hate that when my friends hide it from their girls.

Some girls are cool with it, but it doesn't sound like you're one of them girls.

[EmotionSickness]

I think you have outstanding morals and you are right to be concerned. I've never been in a situation like this but I mean why don't you try to slowly make him stop. Like when you see him smoking just say like "I think you're much more handsome without that" or something you know. Don't really enforce rules on him but a little nagging never hurts.