Is online love hopeless?

[Mermaid]

Hello I have seen you people here are good talkers and give good advices, this is the first time I sign in in love forum to ask for help I would like to have your opinion on this:

I just found out Im in love with someone, he is smart, handsome, likes the same stuff I do, we have a terrific time chatting, theres always something to talk about with him, his work in some ways is related to mine, and he has been a great helper with some technical problems I have had in my job, he is single, everything is so perfect except for one thing: We have never met in person, Im ashamed to say it but I fell in love with someone online, I never thought it could happen to me and if I did I just thought it was silly and nonsense, I remember when I started making friends online a girl friend told me "never fall in love online, caus it happened to one of my friends then the guy disappeared and my friend still cries for him" I just stared at my friend and went wha..? me ? dont make me laugh, that wont happen to me!

I have told him I like him and I would date him if we lived in the same country -he lives countries and countries away - but it was more like a game, a game I ended up believing, I dont waste any chance to tell him how much I would like to find someone like him here, sometimes I feel he likes me back, but I feel he puts a wall between us most of the times, the reason? he doesnt think an online love can work, he told me once that if he cant have something on its whole he would rather not have anything at all, knowing him, the traslation might be "i like you too, but see this is not gonna work theres a lot of distance between us" we stay in touch cause we belong to the same fan community he is sort of a mod there and I met him cause I emailed his site.

once I told him I was finally having luck in my own city and that I had had a couple of nice dates, he had told me of his girlfriends before so I felt it was ok if I told him I was getting to know new people..after all thats what we wish to all our online friends, well he seemed a little jealous and said "nice! im glad youre being lucky, well gotta go, btw Ill invite you to my wedding"
wedding? he didnt even have a gf at that time I found that funny

a couple of days ago I bought a webcam and I turned it on so he could see me I showed him my collection of the topic we are all fans of, which are movies, collection figures etc, I didnt do anything sexy or insinuative no no Im too shy for that besides we are just friends, he said he had a terrific time and said I have a lovely smile that I should smile more often.

he made my day and I was so happy telling everyone this guy thought I had a lovely smile, then talking to one of my friends she told me "nice, that sort of happened to me too, but now Im back in the reality" she has a bf here now, I couldnt believe how much her words hurt me, thats how I realized it was more than an online crush that Im seriously in love with this guy

how do I know its love? I had a crush on him before I even knew what he looked like

[blackiesharley]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mermaid

how do I know its love? I had a crush on him before I even knew what he looked like

Mermaid, I can't really answer that question, as I don't know myself.

But...I can tell you a story that might make you feel better. I've had two best buddies for about 20 years.

Friend one: Fit, trim, a gentleman, owns two small businesses sucessfully, has a 'GQ' look and is in fact occasionally asked for autographs from people thinking he's Tom Cruise. He has NO problem meeting women except for TIME, and he's not into the bar scene. He went online as a goof, and after a month or so he met a beautiful school teacher. 6 months later, I was the best man at their wedding.

Friend two: Slim, good looking, a gentleman, different type from friend one. Rock star image, very long hair, an accountant in the entertainment industry. Again no problem meeting women, just the time factor and although the bar scene WAS his thing years ago, now that he's matured he's not into it and doesn't have the time. He too, as a joke went on line. It took him a bit longer, about six months until he met a beautiful young female Dentist that didn't have the time either to socialize. I was the best man at his wedding too. (Maybe it's my turn next?)

Just goes to prove that it CAN work.

[Mermaid]

hey blackiesharley thanks a lot for you response heh it really cheered me up its my work now to make him realize that something like that can work Im in the best will to meet him, but as I said sometimes when I feel we are getting close he puts the wall again and says it wouldnt work sometimes as a joke says "can u imagine the phone bills between you and me?" I have the hope that perhaps he can move to the US again, I live in Tx and he used to live in NY, but he moved with to Europe with his brother.
Again thanks for your answer,
Mermaid

[Prodigal]

Mermaid, thanks so much for this thread. I feel as if someone understands. I'm truly touched by this post.

It's so heart-wrenching, isn't it? This feeling that you've found someone who's right.. not perfect, but as close as you think it gets. Metaphysically, the bond is there. It's so strong that when you two talk, it's almost like you two are there together.

It's when you haven't talked for a while that it begins to hurt. It hurts like hell, because you long to talk to this person... you don't get tired of it, no matter how much you two have been talking. You realize that this person lives basically half a world away. What are the chances? What are the freakin' chances. That you can fall in love with someone you've never even met before.

It hurts so bad because although you say you wish there were people like them around, you know it wouldn't happen. Even if you did meet someone that was similar, the bond wouldn't be as strong. The bond, the spark.. it's with this person. You don't know what it is about this person, but it doesn't matter. Although you try to say this to make yourself feel better, it ends up making you feel worse.

Should you start dating around where you live? Or stay with this one.. commit yourself to someone you believe in with all of your heart, but there is no tangible evidence, no proof? This is the dilemma, this is what haunts you. It's this issue... argh! You wish you had never thought about it... because, can you answer it?

Say you date around here. Suppose you get with someone. Would it work, or would you be thinking about the one who lives across the sea constantly? If you commit yourself, is that enough? Can it work? What if it just doesn't work out if you do move to the same place?

THIS IS IT.

It's such a crazy chance to take. The risk is enormous. Going for this could mean sacrificing all you have, and losing it. Losing it on this crazy gamble. But is it worth it?

It's so hard. I'm in much the same situation, except I'm only a few months too young to be able to make these decisions.. or take action on them, at least. I suggest you read my thread, "Is being happy all you can hope for?"... the similarities may be striking.

...In the end. Delve within your heart. Try your hardest to throw everything out but the very core. What is it that you're thinking? The pure, unaltered thoughts. You say you liked him before you saw what he looked like. In my situation (my situation is with a girl who lives in the Bahamas), it was the same. I felt the attraction, this spark before I saw what she looked like.

My intuition is saying yes. It's saying yes because by reading what you said, it's as if you're going through the same thing I am. Deep inside my heart, I'm not fully convinced that it is a yes. But every conversation I have with her is convincing me to say yes. It's as if even though you know you could be setting yourself up for so much hurt, you can't fight this attraction. It grows stronger and stronger, and there's nothing you can do to stop it.

I'd say set up a meeting. See if it is in real life like it is online. And it should be... I mean, if the bond is so strong online, just IMAGINE how it would be when you guys are right there, with each other. Close your eyes. Actually imagine it. Have you decided yet?

Please, please, PLEASE. PM me, get in contact with me through e-mail, or MSN, or AIM... I would really like to have a discussion with you about this. I think both of us would benefit greatly from it.

The best of luck to you.
-Robert

[Ratfish256]

Hey I seem to be getting myself into a pretty similar situation. Slowly but surely I have a feeling that I could end up in your position. I hope everything goes well for both of you.

[Mermaid]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ratfish256

Hey I seem to be getting myself into a pretty similar situation. Slowly but surely I have a feeling that I could end up in your position. I hope everything goes well for both of you.

thanks a lot Ratfish I wish you luck aswell, its very comforting for me to know there are more people that feel the way I do, and if you are aware you might end up in our position then you are lucky cause I didnt see it coming of course we all dream of falling in love with a handsome/pretty foreighner and having an movie-type romance with him/her, but you never plan for real to fall in love with someone that is so far away and of course that romance might be full of obstacles.

Prodigal: Im so touched by your post I have to say many of the things you say there have happened or are happening to me, my day is sort of empty if I dont talk to him I wish there were more hours in the day so we could talk without caring for any our daily activites, I even count the difference hours between us and imagine "he should be awake now" has he read my emails yet? does he smile when he does?

[Frasbee]

hmm...yeah most likely.

[Steve2004]

^^agreed.

.....

[bluebell]

I'm wary of meeting people online, just remember they can tell you absolutely anything, so you might find yourself having a crush on a figure of some random person imgination. Nothing is impossible- so it could work, just be carful

[Raverboy]

If...

Quote:

Love can bloom on a battlefield

Why not on the internet?

Good luck with your situation, hope it all goes well!

Ta ta!

[Mermaid]

Quote:

Originally Posted by bluebell

I'm wary of meeting people online, just remember they can tell you absolutely anything, so you might find yourself having a crush on a figure of some random person imgination. Nothing is impossible- so it could work, just be carful

you are right but, we belong to a fan community so its kinda hard to lie to everyone and keep up with the lies, still Im aware he can tell things I cant know whether theyre true of not, on my defense I can say Ive known him for more than three years now, and he has kept with whatever he has told me -and everyone else-from the beginning. Of course Im careful..internet is tricky..

now a question, everything seems to be ok, since the day I showed him my webcam he hasnt gotten online, -he apologyzed saying when he gets online he cant get his work done- but he writes me an email maybe two a day, today he told me he was packing his bags cause he is visiting his parents for easter. That is cool cause he seldom talks about his family..
well, how do I slowly convince him it would be a good idea to get to know us in person, without scaring him away=? we have been creating a nice bond these last weeks and of course I wouldnt like to destroy it. I would like to keep gaining his confidence and stuff, but without looking crazy or obssesed.
I just say that if he agreed perhaps we could meet to see if we have the same sparkle in person, if not we both we go back to our respective countries and that would be it. We´ll keep being friends of course but its just that I think its time to clear this situation once and for all.
I havent used the phrases "I love you, I think Im falling for you" or stuff like that NO-O not even I knew I was falling for him last month heh

[blackiesharley]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Raverboy

If...



Why not on the internet?

Good luck with your situation, hope it all goes well!

Ta ta!

Agree. Read my two pals success stories on this thread. I look at it this way...The internet is a microcosum (spl?) of the real world. Good people, bad people, nut cases. You can meet an axe murderer standing in line at the grocery store.

I think the trick to online dating is be honest about yourself, be patient when waiting for responses and most of all, be carefull when finally meeting in person.

I'm ready to try it myself. Wish me luck.