trouble with fiance...please help - Love Forum

boyo74 · #1 (**permalink**) 21-03-05, 10:33 AM

hi all....im having a little problem with my fiance right now....the problem is ...there shouldnt be any problems...here it goes...my younger sister needed a ridetosouth carolina..soi decided i would give her a ride down there myself...the morning that i was returning home i get a call from my fiance..shes upset that i drove my sister down there and started complaining about the situation...now at this point i had 12 hours of driving ahead of me and i really didnt feellike arguing about this anymore...we had this argument a few days before i drove down there as well....so, just as the argument started heating up...i hung up on her...i realize that is wrong but i just couldnt be bothered with something like that with a 12 hour drive ahead of me...we havent spoken to each other in 4 days now...i called her the day after i got home and had to ask her a question about something i got in the mail and she was very cold and rude...anyway...i feel as if she should have been a little kinder to me knowing that im being the good guy here and im taking my lil sister because shes afraid to fly...what should i do???....we r suppose to be getting married this year and im not sure how to end this problem...should she call me??...is she wrong for being mad at me for driving my sister??...i dont know what to do...i dont like feeling this way and i dont like fighting with her....but i feel as if i broke the ice when i called about the mail..she was very nasty and didnt even say goodbye....please help ...any advice would be great,...thanx

al407 · #2 (**permalink**) 21-03-05, 10:36 AM

What was it that was upseting to her about your making that trip? There's obviously more to her sensitivity.

boyo74 · #3 (**permalink**) 21-03-05, 10:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by al407

What was it that was upseting to her about your making that trip? There's obviously more to her sensitivity.

if there is..its new to me...we get along great and never really have problems...and its not like we were losing out on time spent together because she usually stay at my house from thursday to monday...the rest of the week she stays at her mother ...until we get maried of course...if we get married...i left on a tuesday night...

al407 · #4 (**permalink**) 21-03-05, 10:46 AM

Is there a possiblity she did not trust your intentions (motives for the trip) or think that the trip was not what you were actually doing (possble cover-up)? Does she have issues with your sister? Just thoughts. Has she ever indicated where her vulnerabilities are with you? Could this have been a situation that was tapping into something more than you are seeing on the surface? Think hard. She has to have given you some clues if she hasn't told you straight out what the reason for her upset.

boyo74 · #5 (**permalink**) 21-03-05, 10:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by al407

Is there a possiblity she did not trust your intentions (motives for the trip) or think that the trip was not what you were actually doing (possble cover-up)? Does she have issues with your sister? Just thoughts. Has she ever indicated where her vulnerabilities are with you? Could this have been a situation that was tapping into something more than you are seeing on the surface? Think hard. She has to have given you some clues if she hasn't told you straight out what the reason for her upset.

well...when i left we were on good terms...we had spent the past 4 days together and we had a blast...she never mentioned anything about being upset about anything...and as for her trusting me...my father actually came down for the ride to get out of the house for a few days...she trusts me with all her heart...she has no issues with my sister or anybody in my family for that matter...and even is she did have an issue with my sister, what difference would it make??...im confused on this whole situation...

al407 · #6 (**permalink**) 21-03-05, 10:57 AM

Was it that you didn't tell her you were going or something? What did she say to you when she was conveying her upset to you?

boyo74 · #7 (**permalink**) 21-03-05, 11:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by al407

Was it that you didn't tell her you were going or something? What did she say to you when she was conveying her upset to you?

she knew i was going a week before....she called me on my cell the morning that i was leaving...i was in my truck getting ready to leave...she asked me how the ride down was ..was it nice...how long...normal questions...then she started saying how rude my sister was for making me drive her...i volunteered to take her...i admit that i do get a little defensive when being grilled about family...but there was no reason at all for her to arguing with me...

al407 · #8 (**permalink**) 21-03-05, 11:08 AM

It sounds like her upset has nothing to do with the trip. It sounds like something else entirely might have caused her to be upset or moody and it just went downhill from there. Sometimes when you are finding yourself questioning where certain moods are comming from, as I said, it may be something else completely. We all displace frustration from time to time. I would say try and find out what was actually bothering her. It may have just been a bad mood that turned for the worse.

blackiesharley · #9 (**permalink**) 21-03-05, 11:10 AM

Wow, and I thought the women I get involved with are loony. Frankly, I don't see where you did ANYTHING wrong at all, in fact you should be commended for helping your family. What could be more innocent than driving your little Sister someplace? An ex-wife or girlfriend, even perhaps a buddy, yes. But a Sister? No.

Sounds like she has other issues (who knows what) and this was just a lighting rod for them.

What I would do is 'defuse' the situation immediately, hard as it may be don't contact her for at least a few days and then when she calls you (and she will I'll bet) talk calmy and communicate about it.

boyo74 · #10 (**permalink**) 21-03-05, 11:12 AM

this is where some of my problem is...all pride aside...why should i call her??..i tried calling her the first time and i figured it would clear itslef up but it didnt...i believe the ball is in her court now and she should realize that whatever caused her to be mad should have not reflected on me at that particular time...if she was upset about something at least wait for me to get home so we can talk about it...

boyo74 · #11 (**permalink**) 21-03-05, 11:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by boyo74

this is where some of my problem is...all pride aside...why should i call her??..i tried calling her the first time and i figured it would clear itslef up but it didnt...i believe the ball is in her court now and she should realize that whatever caused her to be mad should have not reflected on me at that particular time...if she was upset about something at least wait for me to get home so we can talk about it...

i think i agree with u blackiesharley....but if she dont call this could start to get stupid....i dont wanna go and call and her her think she can do things like this to me for the rest of our lives...

al407 · #12 (**permalink**) 21-03-05, 11:18 AM

Well...I do think it would be a good idea to give it a few days for both of you to difuse. You making a point not to call her (as she is your fiance) would be just playing games only making things worse. She likely might call first, but don't be above getting resolution. If you get married...to anyone...you are going to have to deal with situations like this and much worse. Whatever the issue is, she is probably needing you to understand and be there for her, but currently her pride is getting in the way because she probably knows her role in this hasn't helped.

boyo74 · #13 (**permalink**) 21-03-05, 11:24 AM

i know there isnt a set time for either one of us to call but i wonder how much longer this will last...i dont like fighting with her and i know she dislikes it as well..i mean no couples like fighting but this situation is really ridiculous...something like this should never happen...i dont know how much longer to wait to try and resolve this mess...

al407 · #14 (**permalink**) 21-03-05, 11:28 AM

Honestly...I would want resolution sooner than later as well. She probably wants that too. I say do what you got to do to talk with her even if your only satisfation will be from having dealt with this issue. If you think it merits longer term issues that will need to be dealt with, too, deal with that after you get this out of the way. Don't confuse or blend the issues though when you do talk. keep it separate. Just my thoughts.

boyo74 · #15 (**permalink**) 21-03-05, 11:36 AM

i gotta be honest with you...the fights that we had in the past wether i was right or wrong...she called me...and i think that by her always calling kinda spoiled me...i know it may seem childish to play this who will call who first game..but...like i stated earlier.. i tried callin her with intentions of ending this and she seemed like she didnt want to be bothered...and i think that is what is deterring me from calling her again...