Trouble in paradise - Love Forum

Dymondgirl · #1 (**permalink**) 26-03-05, 02:41 AM

I'm dating this guy younger and I'm married. I don't live or have sex with my husband but we still talk on the phone once and awhile and I do call him for money. We are selling are house and after that I plan on getting divorce. The thing is my birthday was on the 21st of this month and my husband got me something. My boyfriend doesn't have any money right now so he didn't get me anything but we spent the whole day together, which was completely fine. For valentines day he did have the cash and went all out, so he's not cheap at all..anyway I told my boyfriend my husband wanted to come over and give me my gift. I asked my husband if I could just pick it up at are house but he didn't want to do it that way so I said fine. I think my boyfriend is having second thoughts now because that night he left to hang out with his buddies at school and hasn't called. I txt him that night after my husband left and he was very short with one word answers. I called him again the next night and he was still there which was fine but it's not like him not to call me. One the third day I call again later that night and he sounded distant and upset with me but at the same time polite in a way. the thing is it's not like him not to be away for so long or not even call. any advice on whats going on here?

diablo robotico · #2 (**permalink**) 26-03-05, 03:35 AM

He's obvioulsy very insecure about your relationship with your husband. He's also young and hasn't dealt with this kind of thing before. It's crucial to get him to talk about his feelings. You've got to make him understand that you don't want to be with your husband and that he's got your heart. But he's also got to know that there will be occasional contact with your husband, because that's how it is. He's got to try to accept that. Don't forget that you're dealing with a young and inexperienced guy, as mature as he may seem to be around you.

bluesummer · #3 (**permalink**) 26-03-05, 03:37 AM

Obviously he's jealous. It's one thing to have to deal with an ex-bf, but a not-even-ex-HUSBAND? That's just intimidating. He probably already figures the guy is trying to get you back, and then you let him come over to your house to give you a GIFT? Can you only imagine what thoughts must be running through your bf's head?

bluesummer · #4 (**permalink**) 26-03-05, 03:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by diablo robotico

Don't forget that you're dealing with a young and inexperienced guy, as mature as he may seem to be around you.

....Exactly.

diablo robotico · #5 (**permalink**) 26-03-05, 03:41 AM

Yes, bluesummer's got the right of it. He feels threatened by your husband. And you letting the husband come over was feeding into it.

Dymondgirl · #6 (**permalink**) 26-03-05, 03:42 AM

I think thats the trouble he was always very sercure with himself and that was one of the things that attracted me because my husband is very insercure. Maybe he's feeling this way and is having a hard time with dealing with it? I don't think I'll get him to talk about it because any mention of insecurity makes him go nuts. He likes to laugh at the way my husband acts towards me all the time. I think he'll just say he's not upset i did say sorry for having my husband come over that one time and all i got was it's ok.

diablo robotico · #7 (**permalink**) 26-03-05, 03:45 AM

Okay... you say he's secure, but whenever you mention being insecure he goes nuts? That doesn't sound very secure to me. I think he may put on a good show. But it bothers him. He's insecure. It's not being secure about himself, either, but being secure about you. That's where his insecurity is.

You, being the older person, probably have to help him work his way through that.

Dymondgirl · #8 (**permalink**) 26-03-05, 03:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dymondgirl

I think thats the trouble he was always very sercure with himself and that was one of the things that attracted me because my husband is very insercure. Maybe he's feeling this way and is having a hard time with dealing with it? I don't think I'll get him to talk about it because any mention of insecurity makes him go nuts. He likes to laugh at the way my husband acts towards me all the time. I think he'll just say he's not upset i did say sorry for having my husband come over that one time and all i got was it's ok.

He knows how much I love him and that I don't lie about my marriage and what my plans are. It's so hard because I really don't want him to feel this way, he has nothing to fear with me. I made a promise to myself when we first started dating that i would never hurt him (on purpose). I called so many time to reassure him that im still here but i guess that doesn't matter then he's feeling this way?

diablo robotico · #9 (**permalink**) 26-03-05, 03:52 AM

Maybe he's just got to work it out himself... I'm not sure there's anything else you can do if you've been this straightforward with him. Hopefully he'll come around and figure it out. It's a toughie!

Dymondgirl · #10 (**permalink**) 26-03-05, 03:56 AM

I hope so because I really love this guy very much. thank you so much i feel alittle better now..btw he just called..lol thanks D

diablo robotico · #11 (**permalink**) 26-03-05, 05:25 AM

Great! Good luck!