Friends with Benefits: yay or nay? - Love Forum

OpticalIllusion · #1 (**permalink**) 22-03-05, 10:38 AM

Well just the other day, me and a female friend of mine were hanging out at my house. Ya know, just chillen. We watched a movie, ate some ice cream, etc. We have discussed relationships before, and have both come to the conclusion that the two of us dating will never happen, whether or not we both find each other attractive.

So we were sitting on the bed, talking about a party we were gonna throw this wednesday, when suddenly I decided to have a little fun. "Do you like surprises?" I asked. She started to answer, and as she did, I kissed her.

Anyways, we kissed a few other times throughout the night, before she had to leave. Now we both know that what happened doesn't constitute a relationship per se, however I wonder If we should continue doing this.

Do you guys think it is a bad idea to suppliment a friendly relationship with no dating potential, with a little something extra? I myself, don't see too much wrong with it. (except or course that her ex-boyfriend of 9 months who she

just broke up with, is a beast of a man, and I'm 5' 8".. do the math.) So... yay or nay, my friends? I'm sure at least some of you have tried this before... and I'm even MORE sure that many of you have failed at this. Reasons why problems arose, things that went well, etc, would be very nice. Thanks in advance.

Steve2004 · #2 (**permalink**) 22-03-05, 10:40 AM

you're the FIRST person...i would actually say "go for it" to...because it seems like neither of you have strong emotional attachments..and that's the only way friends with benefits works. so...yes. GO GO GO

but dont get beat up by her beast of an ex boyfriend..of course :/

diablo robotico · #3 (**permalink**) 22-03-05, 10:58 AM

I would say NO. It's not a good idea. Cuz even if you have no emotional attachment right now, it'll bound to form later. And when one or the other finds someone else, there will be hurt. Trust me on that.

Frasbee · #4 (**permalink**) 22-03-05, 12:45 PM

Sure go for it.

Even if it ****s things up later on.

Least you satisfy your needs now.

Afterall, we all live in the "now".

Well, most of us...

#5 (**permalink**) 22-03-05, 01:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by diablo robotico

I would say NO. It's not a good idea. Cuz even if you have no emotional attachment right now, it'll bound to form later. And when one or the other finds someone else, there will be hurt. Trust me on that.

Yup, one of you are in denial about the other or the kiss wouldn't have repeated (again & again). If it stays that way, the other will get hurt. Unless you are both open to the possibility of more, I say don't go there.

bohemiandonut · #6 (**permalink**) 22-03-05, 01:36 PM

Someone will get hurt. Just keep that in mind. SOMEONE WILL DEVELOP AN ATTACHMENT. SOMEONE WILL GET JEALOUS. If SOMEONE says "Well, we're not even going out!" the OTHER PERSON WILL BE HURT, BADLY.

Have your fun, but if you like this chick, be sure you know what you're getting into. Are you okay with her being "surprised" by any other guys? If so, tell her.

I would say this: Don't settle for friends with benefits if you like her. Tell her it's exclusive or nothing. Otherwise, you will get hurt.

misombra · #7 (**permalink**) 22-03-05, 04:23 PM

exacto!!!!!

OpticalIllusion · #8 (**permalink**) 23-03-05, 07:56 AM

Well... let me settle a few things.

A) myself being an Athiest and bisexual, she being a hardcore christian: She has explained numerous times that a relationship is in no way possible with us. I've accepted that.

B) I'd be cool with other guys "surprising" her... but I probably won't have to deal with that anyways. Most of the people she hangs out with, are either taken, or not nearly smooth enough to pull something like that off. Not to be cocky or anything...

C) I am not one to EVER get attached. Even in serious relationships.

Am I denying that it could create a problem? no. I'm just curious, given these circumstances, what problems would arise? I understand that my situation isn't too different from others, but it does have some interesting points that set it apart.

misombra · #9 (**permalink**) 23-03-05, 07:58 AM

i don't believe you.

diablo robotico · #10 (**permalink**) 23-03-05, 09:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by misombra

i don't believe you.

I don't either! Especially on (C).

But let's assume I do. Let's assume you'd be totally cool with everything. Doesn't mean she would. In fact, based on what you say of her background, I'd say she's the one more likely to get hurt. In the back of her mind she might start thinking that maybe you'd change your ways for her.

People tend to put emotional meaning into intimate contact, regardless of whether it's kissing or whatever.

OpticalIllusion · #11 (**permalink**) 23-03-05, 10:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by misombra

i don't believe you.

lol! Ok then.

What can you do? Nothing, I guess; but it's ok. It matters not. Oh and just for an idea about how fickle and non attached I can be, this all started 2 days after my girlfriend of 6 months broke up with me. Also, I just had a date this afternoon with someone else. (Which went very very well, btw!)

Nice Lover Boy · #12 (**permalink**) 23-03-05, 01:38 PM

I would say.......Yai! Yai! Yai!
Anyways, I'm down with friends with benefits. It crosses over whacking it.
But its' true what they say about later on getting emotional. I had this friend who was a stuck up B!tch to guys and she couldn't get a b-friend because of her attitude, and later when our benefits was over, she cried to be with me again. At that time, I was involved in one of the affairs and so I couldn't be with her. I was real lucky to have her as my bed buddy, she was um,um, good!

misombra · #13 (**permalink**) 23-03-05, 01:40 PM

lol. oh my gawd.

Only-virgins · #14 (**permalink**) 23-03-05, 02:06 PM

NAY

(10 char stupid thing)

Only-virgins · #15 (**permalink**) 23-03-05, 02:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nice Lover Boy

I would say.......Yai! Yai! Yai!
Anyways, I'm down with friends with benefits. It crosses over whacking it.
But its' true what they say about later on getting emotional. I had this friend who was a stuck up B!tch to guys and she couldn't get a b-friend because of her attitude, and later when our benefits was over, she cried to be with me again. At that time, I was involved in one of the affairs and so I couldn't be with her. I was real lucky to have her as my bed buddy, she was um,um, good!

Maybe she couldn't get a BF not because she is a B!tch but because she is a whore that sleeps with her friends? I wouldn't touch her with a 10 foot pole....specially after your dumbass was on her.