When the sparks are flying, can it be one sided? - Love Forum

Fizzy · #1 (**permalink**) 29-03-05, 03:35 PM

This is to carry on from my "how to tell if he's flirting" thread.

This guy I know (who I have small a history with), has been flirting with me recently, in turn I have been flirting back.

But what I want to know is: When you have that overwhelming chemistry with someone, is it ever just one sided?
When I'm with him, it's like everyone in the room disappears, my stomach goes into knots..and I can feel this really stong connection with him (almost like he can read my mind), when he smiles at me, it's like Ive been pushed backwards with a ten tonn weight. When we are in the same room, I can feel his presence contsantly (even if I have my back turned to him), like I can sense him there.

Although I know he's interested in me, I want to know if people think he will be picking up on just how strongly I feel when I'm around him, even better if he feels it too!
I feel this massive bonding thing going on, and can almost see the sparks flying accross the room, but is that just me.

Is this sort of thing just in someones mind, or when you have this incerdible chemistry with someone, do they just know?

sjsing · #2 (**permalink**) 30-03-05, 12:46 AM

I've often wondered this myself!
Is that chemistry because you both feel the same, or because you just like them soooo much?
I think, when it's that strong, the other person can sense it, and maybe feel it for you too. But that could be just wishfull thinking!

It would be good to hear what others think of this.

doll69 · #3 (**permalink**) 30-03-05, 02:02 AM

I know where you're coming from. Sometimes I *think* a guy may be interested in me, but i may just be reading too much into the things he does as interest (cos I WANT to think hes interested), but if another guy I'm not interested in does the same thing, I think nothing of it.

petertown · #4 (**permalink**) 30-03-05, 07:33 AM

It really, really can be one sided. I fell in love with a girl a year ago, we had amazing chemistry, i came on to this website, then i asked her out, and she said no. The signals and chemistry can just be part of their personality; they posses really good social skills.

misombra · #5 (**permalink**) 30-03-05, 07:42 AM

yes it can be one sided. in fact one is lucky if it is two sided. if it was that way people would be falling in love left and right.

yoshikuni · #6 (**permalink**) 30-03-05, 09:11 AM

Its kind of like you wish to have that sort of ESP involving them, but in the end it turns out it was only in your mind, and not theirs as well. Its funny the way the brain percieves things, and because of that it feels like your body is in-tune with anything and everything your crush is doing. It is said that we only use about 10% of our brains on average, maybe that strong feeling and love temporarily unlocks more, giving us and our bodies that extra boost that we barely tend to notice...

doll69 · #7 (**permalink**) 30-03-05, 08:19 PM

Since guys are mostly attracted to looks and girls are attracted mostly to personality, do you think the one-sided thing happens more to GUYS? I have read countless threads on how a guy is "in love" with a girl who he's hardly spoken more than two words to, but the line "she's is sooo beautiful!!" is ALWAYS in there.

Personality, however, is arguably on "a deeper level" than looks. If you're attracted to somebody's personality, you must at least have sensed some kind of connection or compatibility with your own, hence this "deeper level" interest is more likely to be returned.

This isn't meant to be a sexist post, and of course, it is based on generalizations, but I have been on relationship forums (others such this) and such for quite a while now, and this my judgement call.

Fizzy · #8 (**permalink**) 30-03-05, 09:06 PM

Oh, doll69, thank heavens for you! I was getting quite depressed reading all those replies!
I think you are right, I was originally attracted to my love interest purely on looks (and his amazing smile!), and I'm almost certain he was atrracted to me because of my looks. After we had our night of passion that was it for us.
But recently, I have noticed that we really do have so much in common. We share the same hobbies outside work...which is something neither of us knew about when we first got together. Our up bringings are so similar, it's quite scary!
When we are together with a group of people, we stand and get the giggles...laughing at the same joke, and other people just stare at us!

I know eveyone tries to convince themselves, that the one they fancy is acutally their "soul mate"..but I'm not a teenager with a crush! I'm a fully fledged adult who has never felt this way before.

We do seem to have this "deeper level" interest in each other (and as I've said, I know he likes me) ... so is it likely he feels the chemistry as much as I do?

I know I may sound obsessive, but I need to know how to handle this....and the first part of that is trying to establish how strongly he feels about me, without having to ask him and make an idiot of myself!

doll69 · #9 (**permalink**) 30-03-05, 10:31 PM

No prob Fizzy

Regarding what you should do- sorry can't relaly help you there, my own experiences have been very limited. But one thing is for sure, and that is to FIND OUT whether he feels the same way ASAP, or you'll be left wondering.

Actually, I'm quite suprised nobody has pointed out what I said before so far. I think some guys are in denial about what they feel is "love" when really, it is just, "lust"

petertown · #10 (**permalink**) 31-03-05, 07:19 AM

Well, the girl i fell in love with i thought was ugly when we were just friends. it just hit me, i fell in love with her, and her looks became beautiful, no matter what my friends would say.

bohemiandonut · #11 (**permalink**) 31-03-05, 01:28 PM

Okay, you guys are all missing a very important fact:

The chemistry can be shared. Usually not the kind of "chemistry" that happens when a hot girl (or guy) is next to you, and you begin to feel warm and euphoric, that usually really is personal.

But two people can in certain situations "be in eachothers' heads," so to speak, at least I think so. It contains that feeling of swooning lightness, but it's more than that, it's a connection, as if you were having the same thoughts they were, feeling the same things, etc. You know it when it happens, you start finishing eachothers' sentences, and you'll probably giggle a lot.

So don't give up! It's a great experience, to share the "chemistry," and it can happen!

Paz.