dealing with a past.. - Love Forum

peeps01 · #1 (**permalink**) 28-03-05, 04:13 AM

Hi!

Im 24 and have been seeing this girl for the last 4 and a half months.. we love each other a lot and have a definite future together. However...

She has a huge past and I do not. although she has told me pretty much everything (BUT after I confronted her about it) and upon my saying broken her 'friendship' with her ex(s) I do not feel secure about it simply because I have not had the kind of experiences she did.

In the begining when we got together, she would talk to this guy online and on the phone , telling me that he was her 'friend'. Only later did i by chance find out that she had a physical relationship with this guy (**** buddy?) for like a year. Obviously I was incredibly uncomfortable about this situation and I told her to choose between being with me and this 'friendship'. she chose me. This is almost a 3 month old story now, but the scars still remain and I always seem to doubt/not trust her because of this. The thoughts of her saying similar things to me that she did to her ex(es) makes my blood boil and I feel like running away from it all.. but we do have an excellent relationship and that makes me feel this whole situation might be worth it in the long run..

Can anybody offer any tips/suggestions that may help in dealing with such issues? How can I learn to trust again?

thanks!
peeps

Dymondgirl · #2 (**permalink**) 28-03-05, 05:08 AM

Well first you can't assume someone is just going to come out and tell you everything about their past without you asking. She should have told you she was physical with this guy when you first asked tho. How did you find out about that anyway? It all comes down to trust and maturity. Have you told her how you really feel about all this? Has she stopped talking to this guy? As far as your blood boiling from her saying similar things to you than she did to him you just have to get over that. That's life. She was in a relationship before you and if you can't handle that you should just leave now. No one can ever trust another person 100% but if you continue to let this bother you it will only make things worse.

bluestrattos · #3 (**permalink**) 28-03-05, 07:19 AM

I don't think that you can learn to trust again, at least in the same person. The chain's already broken, even if you fix that link, the chain will never be the same. "Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me".

#4 (**permalink**) 29-03-05, 08:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by peeps01

Can anybody offer any tips/suggestions that may help in dealing with such issues? How can I learn to trust again?

Get over it. Or get out. You cannot undo someone's past. She didn't cheat on you while you were together, right? So where is the breach of trust?

Rationalize all you want, but as far as trust goes eventually, you just gotta leap.

Only-virgins · #5 (**permalink**) 30-03-05, 03:28 PM

HAHA your getting fawked. She goes on sleeping with all these guys and tells her-self "who cares...there will always be some moron(YOU) who will take me later anways."

Just leave the whore.

Why do people consider "dealing" with the past anways. You dont like it? leave then....that is what I am going to do.