Romance: How often is too often? - Love Forum

xareon · #1 (**permalink**) 30-03-05, 12:32 AM

Hello everyone,

I love to make my girlfriend feel special, I get her flowers at least twice a month sometimes more. Recently someone made me realize something I knew all along but was kinda ignoring, that getting flowers too much can desensitize someone and make it not so special anymore. I don't think this has happened too much yet as I do take a break in between flower giving, but I will have to be more careful in the future.

My question is: Is romance in general like this? I find that I am very creative in love and with romance, I don't like to be conceited or anything but I do know that I have come up with some very romantic ideas and I will probably always have that ability... I LOVE making my girlfriend happy and that I think is my inspiration. So... is doing something special the same as getting her flowers in regards to desensitizing her? For example, if I get her flowers one day and then a few days later I get a surge of inspiration and write her a poem, and then a week later fill her car with balloons... is that too much? Should I try to space it out a little more? Maybe keep a few cards up my sleeve? If I do something special other than get her flowers do you think the wait time should be the exact same as getting her more flowers? I've been with this girl for 8 months now and I'm still getting ideas on almost a daily basis so I'm fairly certain I won't ever run out, so the question is, how often do I act on those ideas?

Anyways, thank you for your advice as usual.
Tennyson

abercromqt20 · #2 (**permalink**) 30-03-05, 01:01 AM

i definately think that you can be desensitized to this type of stuff. After awhile it is either expected of you or it will be taken for granted. Both of which defeat the purpose. My Bf surprises me with flowers for no reason like every 3-4 months, along with buying them for real reasons.... birthdays, v-day, etc. I really wouldn't recommend doing it like every two weeks. honestly, it makes it less special. Also even though i think it's cool to try to switch up the kind of surprises you have for her, whether it be flowers, balloon, a card....... the fact is that if you do it all the time it will all ultimately have the same effect. Space it out. put a few months in between. switching what you do each time.

anyways, chances are eventually you will run out of ideas. try doing what i do. when you get a really good idea, write it down. save them. don't just use it because it's there. just don't keep doing what ur doing. it sounds like overkill..... atleast i think ur friend is right

BlackRose · #3 (**permalink**) 30-03-05, 02:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by abercromqt20

try doing what i do. when you get a really good idea, write it down. save them. don't just use it because it's there.

This is the best advice for this situation.

Quote:

Originally Posted by xareon

Hello everyone,

I love to make my girlfriend feel special, I get her flowers at least twice a month sometimes more. Recently someone made me realize something I knew all along but was kinda ignoring, that getting flowers too much can desensitize someone and make it not so special anymore. I don't think this has happened too much yet as I do take a break in between flower giving, but I will have to be more careful in the future.

My question is: Is romance in general like this? I find that I am very creative in love and with romance, I don't like to be conceited or anything but I do know that I have come up with some very romantic ideas and I will probably always have that ability... I LOVE making my girlfriend happy and that I think is my inspiration. So... is doing something special the same as getting her flowers in regards to desensitizing her? For example, if I get her flowers one day and then a few days later I get a surge of inspiration and write her a poem, and then a week later fill her car with balloons... is that too much? Should I try to space it out a little more? Maybe keep a few cards up my sleeve? If I do something special other than get her flowers do you think the wait time should be the exact same as getting her more flowers? I've been with this girl for 8 months now and I'm still getting ideas on almost a daily basis so I'm fairly certain I won't ever run out, so the question is, how often do I act on those ideas?

Anyways, thank you for your advice as usual.
Tennyson

I think what you do for her is sweet, but you are overdoing it. I mean, if you want to write her a cute little note and leave it on her car, or write a poem for her, then great. I wish guys would do this for me. I've only had one guy who ever did anything like that for me and I really miss it. Just keep it spontaneous. Don't let it be expected of you. Just do something randomly. Don't even do it every month. One month you can do two things and then don't do anything like that for a while and then surprise her again with another thing down the road. Just don't let her take it for granted. Then it's no longer sweet and romantic. I give you lots of credit though. Most men don't put any effort like this into their relationships. One of your main concerns is the happiness of your partner and that is very kool. You definitely seem like a great guy. Maybe you should give some of the guys on here a few pointers for their girlfriends. Post some of your romantic ideas. They wont admit to it, but I am sure they could use the help and I know they will appreciate it.

Chlorine · #4 (**permalink**) 30-03-05, 12:11 PM

Xareon----You have to be commended for all that effort!

Some girls like flowers, so they'de love receiving it often. Those that don't care for flowers won't appreciate it. Guess you can gauge from your girlfriend's reaction.

bohemiandonut · #5 (**permalink**) 30-03-05, 12:21 PM

Aren't flowers kind of... unoriginal? Lazy? Worthless? Organic, unspendable money?

Flowers and balloons... to each his own I suppose. Though it is the thought that counts, what thought is there behind balloons and flowers? Maybe: "This will buy me a blowjob for sure!" If I was a girl I would see right through you.

...If I was a girl I would be impossibly difficult, even more than I am now. Muahahahahahaha!

Chlorine · #6 (**permalink**) 30-03-05, 12:33 PM

Donut----Yeeaw, with that 'thought' remark, you've pulled the romance carpet right from under my feet.

BlackRose · #7 (**permalink**) 30-03-05, 07:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bohemiandonut

Aren't flowers kind of... unoriginal? Lazy? Worthless? Organic, unspendable money?

Flowers and balloons... to each his own I suppose. Though it is the thought that counts, what thought is there behind balloons and flowers? Maybe: "This will buy me a blowjob for sure!" If I was a girl I would see right through you.

...If I was a girl I would be impossibly difficult, even more than I am now. Muahahahahahaha!

This is true at times. Sometimes flowers can be a really sweet gesture.

Here's an idea though. Rather then going and picking up a dozen roses, go out and pick a bouquet of wild flowers and give them to her instead. It's a little more original and shows a lot more thought. Shows that you aren't just trying to get laid that night.

xareon · #8 (**permalink**) 31-03-05, 10:23 AM

Or even better go pick flowers from around town... find as many different varieties as you can, you can definately tell the difference between hand picked flowers and ones that you have bought. Often times I dont get her a dozen rozes... I just get her a single rose and leave it with a note or poem to make it more special, simplicity can be very romantic I've learned.

The point is not to get her something fancy, its to make her feel special, and that is so important to most girls. You have to realize donut that girls DO NOT THINK LIKE GUYS, they have to feel special/sexy/beautiful unlike guys who just need to see something they want. I grew up with two older sisters so I learned this somewhat early.

You don't have to spend a lot of money to make a girl feel special, so often its as simple as leaving a little note like "I'm thinking about you sexy" in thier car or purse or something. I keep only the really mind blowing ideas saved up for special occasions... like for one special day I rented a hotel room with a spa and put rose petals everywhere and 100 candles around the room and put on one of our favorite songs on... total cost: about $70... and well worth it. You just gotta put a little thought into it, try to forget about what you would want, and try to see things from her perspective. Love isn't easy, in fact it's one of the hardest things you'll ever do, but anybody can do it. You just have to be willing to do what ever it takes to make it work, and if you want to make it amazing you have to go the extra mile.

For our 1 year anniversary I'm going to hike up to the best place around here for sunsets and set up a candle lit dinner then ask her if she wants to go for a hike and suprise her total cost will be virtually nothing, but it'll take a lot of effort to haul up all the stuff before hand. No matter what you will only get out of a relationship what you are willing to put into it, sometimes it takes a lot of effort, time, or money and in my case, knowing when to lay off for a while. I'm just trying to make sure I don't over do it.

Maybe I'll start a new thread with romantic ideas and then rate them based on effort, time, money, and romance because I know there HAVE been times when I did need inspiration and I don't mind sharing my inspiration with others.