I wrote a thank you letter for my ex girlfriend, that i plan on sending he today but first I want to know what all you think about it firstL
It's taken a lot of courage to finally write this and I'm going to make this as short as I possibly can. I apologized in the past, and you know that I am deeply sorry for any trouble that I have caused you and now I would like to take this time to express my gratitude. Even though we are no longer together, I want to say thank you. Through those precious moments, magical times, and meaningful words... Thank you. It's amazing to see what can happen in a year. A couple weeks from now last year, you walked straight into my life and you touched my heart, you touched my soul, you touched my life. You made me the most unbelievably happiest person that I have ever been, and most likely ever will be.
First I need to get this off my chest. I hope you had the best and most amazing birthday, I really do. What a great game to end the season with. If my message offended you, I am deeply sorry. That was never my intention at all. At the time, I thought it would have been the best way to wish you a happy birthday. I always did tell you I was going to do that for you. But, now that I look back I should have taken a different approach. Just so you know though, in your honour you contributed to a good cause. It cost a hundred dollars, and the money went to the Jays Care Foundation. Also, how I found out that you had a new boyfriend was through Zsombor a couple weeks ago. He is the one who told me, and nothing else. I know over the past month, I have probably done everything that I shouldn't have. You had asked me for to respect your space over and over again, and I kept pestering you. I went to your work and made a big scene, that could have resulted into getting you fired. I know what I did was dumb, but being put in my situation. The minutes felt like hours without you. When you go to seeing and talking to someone you love every single day, to just stopping all of a sudden. It's difficult, very difficult, and I tried the best I could. I lost myself along the way. After that, I had only contacted you twice, once through calling you to come to the last game of soccer (which you should hear the story about), and the other through text to come to nuit blanche. I'm glad that you didn't answer either though, I'm trying to move on. But, we both know I'm not that strong. And honestly, people tell me to move on, and people tell me it's not worth it anymore. But, to me re-connecting a friendship with you is important to me than starting a new relationship with anyone else in this world.
There are very few things I regret in my life. One thing I do not regret is my time with you. Even though our relationship could be compared to a reality show, I haven't once ever wished it never happened.
In life you learn lessons, sometimes you learn them the hard way, and sometimes you learn them when it's too late. I've been going through some of my darkest days, darker than the days of my dad leaving me, growing up with everything happening with my mom, and the only father figure I had committed suicide. I may be smiling and laughing on the outside but I'm dying on the inside. Some days I feel like giving up on the world, but I don't regret meeting you. I will never regret having you in my life. And even though I'm going through the toughest time of my life right now, I wouldn't have traded knowing you for anything. Maybe if I haven't met you I wouldn't be going through this... but then I wouldn't have had that amazing love you showed me or the great times we had together. My life is my life, and you were in it for a very special reason. No matter what happens at the end of the day, there will always be a little piece for you in my heart. No one will ever be able to take that away from me. Just remember that. Danielle told me that some people search their entire life, to find what I found in you. And excluding my family, no one in this world could honestly ever mean as much to me as you do. People say that you don't know what you have until it's gone. Truth is, I knew what I had, I just thought I'd never lose you. I got to comfortable, I will admit that. There were times that I took you for granted, and I couldn't be more ashamed of myself. I got jealous and sometimes insecure. And now that I look back, I had no reason at all to be. You gave me everything you had, you loved me to the moon and back and I just threw it away like it was nothing. I regret it every single day you have no idea. You were the best I've never had. Yes, a Drake reference. I can't believe I got upset with you over not going to a concert that will happen again next year. How stupid is that! You put up with all my bullshit. You were more then just a star to me, you were my whole damn sky. Words cannot express my disappointment in myself, and knowing that we are not going to fulfill that promise we had to each other of you being at my mom's birthday in December, so close to what would have been our one year anniversary absolutely destroys me inside. But, I have to thank you. Over the past month, I have become much closer to my mom, and you're the reason for that. She has listened to me day in and day out complaining about my mistakes, and my regrets, I don't know how she hasn't gone crazy yet.
I never thought there would be a day that you would just leave. I definitely regret all the negative shit I have ever done. Definitely now more than ever. My imagination kills me, when I close my eyes all I ever seem to think about are the memories. I miss your baby voice, and staying up late just to talk about the most randomest shit ever. You were the one I told secrets to. The one who taught me new things. The one who laughed at my bad jokes. The one who did things just for me. There are moments in life that I will always remember, not because they were important but because you were there. I now have a different outlook on life because of you. This is part where you find out who you are, and when I lost you, I found myself. Life is to short to fight with someone or be mad. I now live everyday happy to be alive, and grateful for every thing I have. You can never understand someone's pain, until you're the one who feels it. And now after going through this, I don't want me or anyone else to feel this pain ever again. We haven't spoken in a while, and I'm trying to be okay with that. One of the most devastating things in life is when someone gives up on you. I can never hate you though. Not even after all the arguments we had. The pointless fights. The assumptions. The misunderstandings. The broken promises. The accusing of each other. The sleepless nights. The tears. None of that will ever make me hate you. I know that those were all my fault. I never thought for a minute, if you showed me a picture of my life now, that you wouldn't be in it. But, now that I look back I don't blame you one bit for what you did. I got to a point where I was a complete and utter fool and idiot, I self destroyed what we have and I now have to live with that regret every day.
If you read one part of this, I hope it's this;
The eight, nine months that I was privileged enough to get to know you, become close to you, and fall in love with you. I will never forget for the rest of my lifetime. You were the first girl I ever considered spending the rest of my life with. You were the first girl I ever genuinely loved. You were the girl I lost my virginity to. Filling that role, you were such an influential figure in my life. You gave me something that I have never had before, and that was a family environment. I couldn't thank you enough for that. You let me in your life at a very crucial time, graduating high school, and figuring out what you're going to do with the rest of your life. I had an absolute blast spending that time with you, and sharing that opportunity with you. I could not be more proud of you. You were there to catch me when I fell. You were my accomplice. My co-conspirator. We were inseperable. I thought I found my counterpart. I felt like my life has purpose, and I had an ultimate goal to look foward to. And now because of you, I have a future, I have direction, I am going somewhere and I can only thank you. In retrospect, I'm not surprised you decided to move on. Now that my mind has become somewhat clearer, and I've had time to reflect on what's happened, I can see what an asshole I was. I controlled you, and I shouldn't have. You have moved on now though and you're happy, and that what makes me happy. Perhaps, part of the reason why I was holding on to this so tight and for so long, was because I feared that something this great wont happen twice. And that what scares me, there is only one of you in this world. When I found you, I found my dream girl, you were everything I have never looked for in someone, and I have no idea if I will be able to as they say, strike lightening twice. You're beautiful inside and out. Being beatiful is more than how many boys you can get to look at you, or how much makeup you wear. It's about what you live for. It's about what defines you. It's about the heart that you have, and what makes you special. It's about those little quirks that make you, you. I's about going against the flow and living out what you honestly thing. A soulmate is someone who will make you be the most "you" that you possibly can. And I felt could be myself around you. I'm going to hold my next girlfriend on a pedestal towards you. You are the most amazing, down to earth, loving, passionate, sweetest, caring, incredible, unique, wonderful, and most spacial person I have never met. Please know that I am forever changed because of who you are and what you have meant to me. I could never repay you for anything that you have ever done for me. I guess what they say is true, treat your girl right, or there will be someone there waiting to treat her better. I lost my way, and I'm sorry. I couldn't be more disappointment in myself because you really did and still do mean a lot to me. I really do hope that we can still be friends though, but if not I understand. But, from the bottom of my heart, please be safe in whatever you do, I still care about you even if we are no longer together, and I would be totally devastated if something ever happened to you. You have your whole life in front of you and you're going to on to great and wonderful things, I am so unbelievably proud of what you have and are becoming. I will never forget the times me and you shared together, they were honestly the best times of my life. So, thank you... thank you for everything you ever gave me. I know you probably want nothing to do with me, but please at the end of the day if you ever need anything. I will forever always be here for you no matter what the circumstances are.
What do you think? Good?