Torn in two... need advice from anyone that can give

[shyguy83]

Hello to all,

So my situation is this. I've recently been involved w/ my gf for about 2 months now. Things were going fine but the thing is she is very stubborn and is a brat and knows when she is and still doesn't care. Now this is a bad thing b/c it causes her to be the biggest brat in the world, usually this didn't matter really to me until lately we hit this huge fight which shouldn't have gotten to where we are now.

Basically, we fought b/c I was bringing up jokingly/seriously when I'd pay for things. Now I know this is a bad thing and didn't realize i was doing it so much until she told me and the last time it happened she j/ called me out on it and was all serious about it. But then it came down to why I keep doing it and in the heat of the moment i said b/c I feel like she expects me to pay for her all the time like it's my obligation when I didn't mean to say that and definitely stuck my foot in my mouth.

Now in her eyes I could be the perfect bf but after this her image has changed about me a little bit and she immediately reacted by saying that she never wants me to buy/spend money on her ever again and was sticking by it. Now when I say she's stubborn, I mean she's the most stubborn person you will every come across by. So I hated the idea that she said that she doesn't want me to every spend money on her or anything because I like paying for our food or taking her out and now she's denying me of that. I told her that this will affect our relationship and she knows yet she says I don't understand how she felt when i said what i did.

So lately she wont' accept anything from me and wont' even let me buy her food or anything when we go out to eat which is pissing me off b/c I want to but she's j/ being stubborn when I know she wants food or something. I think our pride is getting in the way and it will bring us down until this relationship is over but the thing is she's being an ass about it and bringing it up in ways that talks me down and she willingly does it knowing that I will get mad at her j/ so I can get a taste of how she felt when I said the whole obligation paying thing.

Now we've talked about it for hours and hours and I explained exactly how I feel and how I didn't mean to say that and like to pay for her and stuff and how this is keeping otu relationship from growing but she said as much as she j/ wants to let the fight go, she can't. I've thought and thought of what we can do to make it better but I can't think of anything.

Does anyone have any suggestions? I don't want this relationship to end based on this petty argument but I can't come to any compromises b/c she is so stubborn while I'm ready to move on w/ it and fix my whole paying for things mindset.

[shh!]

Money is not a petty issue; money - and how it is spent - says a lot about one's values. Your girlfriend wants to feel like you would like to spoil her (perhaps to boost the envy of her girlfriends), but does she also want to spoil you? I am pretty traditional as far as money/dating are concerned, but I also think that women ought to WANT to reciprocate on occasion. Does she do this? I am working on the assumption that you are NOT a cheapskate, so she sounds a bit like an immature, castrating and punitive female. Do you really want to spend time (much less money) on someone who can be so petty? (By the way, I am female, too.)

[shyguy83]

Well I think money is sort of a petty issue b/c I don't believe that we should even be arguing about it b/c I don't care about it. Like I come from a poor family but I don't care that much about spending my money. I don't know if she necessarily wants to spoil me but she has paid for her share as well for me. THe thing is I feel she contributes so much and I think one of the reasons why I kept bringing up before that I paid for this and this and this was kind of my way of saying that I contribute to the relationship by doing this and this for her. BUt in a way that was a horrible mistake which i deeply regret b/c now it makes her feel like I would get her food or whatever b/c of the simple fact that I could say I did that for her rather than out of the goodness of my heart.

This is the hard part b/c she will never accept something from me again b/c she's j/ stuck on that thought. But I've tried still to offer to spot her on stuff ya know j/ to be polite and b/c I wanted to but she j/ rejects every single one of my gestures.

It's nice to hear this from a female's perspective, but I guess the reason why I'm still fighting for us is b/c we have had good memories and that's worth sticking around for hoping this will blowover. But I've already told her that the ball is in her court b/c she knows I wanna be with her and it's really up to her how this relationship goes b/c if she can't decide to let it go then there's nothing I can do about it.

Thanks for the advice by the way, it means alot. I don't really know how to handle this so hearing people's opinions and thoughts means alot.

[shh!]

Well, you sound like a very sweet (and young) guy. How old are you? Is this your first serious girlfriend? Perhaps in this instance you have some cuplability, but all you can really do is apologize and hope she is mature enough to give you a chance to redeem yourself.

Trust me when I say that money IS important, not as a measure of someone's love, but when used as a tool to measure compatability of your values.

[shyguy83]

Yes I totally agree with how money is of importance but in a way, everything I have I share w/ my significant other and yes I am young. I am 21, but no I have been in numerous relationships and have j/ gotten out of a 2 and a half year relationship so it's not like i'm some 16 year old who's harmones are raging and don't have any clue about relationships. I know what I'm doing and what is right and wrong, but i've never encountered a problem like this before and was curious about other people's opinions.

But I'm happy to say that my gf and I have worked it out over lunch j/ an hour ago and caught drinks and toasted to a new beginning and as hard as it is for her, she let her down her pride and did this for us. I thank you for all your advice and thank you for even caring. So once again, thank you.

[Tone]

You live in and learn bro.