girls are shrewd or confused? - Love Forum

GiantFigure · #1 (**permalink**) 08-06-05, 10:14 PM

No offense girls...I am just sharing my experience!

I started dating a girl 3 months ago. After couple of weeks of dating, we talked about where we are heading. She said she wanted to go for serious relationship, but then I clarified that I am only looking to date and nothing serious. I also said that if she is not willing to only date, we should end now.

She then said she will think about it and let me know. She called me back that night saying she likes me and will be happy to continue just as dating.

But just 2 weeks ago, while we were hanging out, suddenly she says..."she thinks I will change my mind about dating and go into serious relationship". I again clarified that "no dear. as i said before...i am only looking to date.". Her face immediately turn sad and she has not been talking much since then. We also did not meet last weekend, she said she is busy.

I am wondering if I should call our dating an end. Is she trying to be shrewd thinking she will change my mind and go for serious relationship (which I know I will not), or Is she very confused about herself on what she is doing?

suggestions please!!!
Giant

Prodigal · #2 (**permalink**) 08-06-05, 10:29 PM

I think it's the first choice... the "trying to be shrewd, thinking she will change my mind". The first time, she kept it in and went along with it, hoping you'd change your mind in the meantime. When it happened the second time, one of two thoughts probably went through her head: either a) what he's saying must be the truth, or b) he's just saying that because he doesn't feel for me (which I think is the higher possibility by far). It may be time to just say what you told us... that you just don't want anything serious and it's not because of her. This conflict of interests, though... it sounds like this will lead to the end of the relationship.

mhussain · #3 (**permalink**) 08-06-05, 10:30 PM

hi there giantfigure

she likes u and wants things to go serious ... u on the other hand dont want to ... as is ur choice .... so she is sad ...

my suggestion .. ask her honestly ...

as to whether u shoudl end the dating or not is upto you

best of luck

Hussain

JMark · #4 (**permalink**) 08-06-05, 10:44 PM

I think you are the shrwed and confused one!

Not time to explain... maybe someone else would be kind enough to care to take the time to explain.

GiantFigure · #5 (**permalink**) 08-06-05, 10:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Prodigal

either a) what he's saying must be the truth, or b) he's just saying that because he doesn't feel for me (which I think is the higher possibility by far).

you are right prodigal. I like her for dating...but do not have any feelings to get into serious thing. She is a nice girl but she is not at all of my type to be my lifetime partner, so i can never go serious with her. That's why i clarified her my stance that we should stop dating if she is getting serious.

and yeah...I am prepared to end the relationship anytime she gets too uncomfortable/confused/shrewd whatever...

artyemi · #6 (**permalink**) 08-06-05, 11:01 PM

the thing about girl is if we like a guy, we're willing to do anything to be with them..

we probably won't say we want to end it. we most likely will continue it the way the guy wants to continue it.

the most honorable a guy can do for us, in this situation, is realize we can't say no, but will only get hurt more if you keep saying yes.

artyemi · #7 (**permalink**) 08-06-05, 11:04 PM

and it hurts ALOT that a guy feels that we're dating material, yet not want to pursue anything further.

she's probably trying to figure out what is wrong with her. why don't you want to be serious with her. and on, and on.. it does wonder to a woman's self-esteem.

tell me though, what do you consider dating? that you guys are in a sexual relationship? doing things together?

GiantFigure · #8 (**permalink**) 09-06-05, 01:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by artyemi

and it hurts ALOT that a guy feels that we're dating material, yet not want to pursue anything further.
...............
tell me though, what do you consider dating? that you guys are in a sexual relationship? doing things together?

hi artyemi... i am not saying that girls are dating-only material! See, even lots of girls only want to date or intimate relationship, and do not want to get into serious relashipship. it's just their personal preference (Like me).

And, I will NEVER want to hurt a girl by telling a lie that i am in love with her just for the sake of sleeping with her. That's why I honestly clarified her right at the beginning that I am not looking for serious relationship with her. Yes, we do go intimate in our dating. She is 25 matured girl and herself willing to continue dating and have fun. But if she still hoping to get serious with me, I don't take this as my fault

Tone · #9 (**permalink**) 09-06-05, 01:57 AM

Telling someone you want to become serious with them does not mean instantly saying you love them.

Frasbee · #10 (**permalink**) 09-06-05, 02:05 AM

Yes.
______________

GiantFigure · #11 (**permalink**) 09-06-05, 02:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tone

Telling someone you want to become serious with them does not mean instantly saying you love them.

Yes Tone...but when you are sure you never gonna be attached to her (for marriage), why to give her false hopes by saying you are serious. Relationship builds only when both are honest to each other.

artyemi · #12 (**permalink**) 09-06-05, 02:14 AM

I like that line. Relationship builds only when both are honest to each other.

I have more to say, but can't because I have to be a productive and efficient member of the corporate world.

I'm glad you're being clear to her.

But you see, she is blinded by her feelings for you to completely understand what you're saying.

GiantFigure · #13 (**permalink**) 09-06-05, 02:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by artyemi

But you see, she is blinded by her feelings for you to completely understand what you're saying.

You got me!!! that's exactly I think too.

I think it's time for me to talk straight AGAIN in our next date

artyemi · #14 (**permalink**) 09-06-05, 02:38 AM

Please, please, when you do... don't tell her that you think she's dating material but not long-term material.

shh! · #15 (**permalink**) 09-06-05, 03:11 AM

I think it is very good of you to speak the truth and stick with it. You have the perfect right to not want a long term relationship, and you have been honest about it. What more can you do?

Clearly this girl wants more and will continue to think she might get it if she "auditions" long enough. If you are quite sure no future possibility exists, I would move on to a different girl so this girl is free to pursue someone who wants what she does. Yes, this will hurt her, but I think it will hurt less than allowing her to continue believing she has a chance, only to find out in a couple of years that she is exactly where she started.