plz help

[outlawstar]

hello i am an almost 18 yr old male...im involved with a much older woman (shes 49) and while she is exciting, intelligent, and usually loving and understanding she has another side which is very vindictive, and just plain nasty...i need advice bad because i dont know whether to stay in the relationship or if its going to end up hurting me badly...shes very into sex with me...well she was...until the other night...we were on the phone and i had showed her a porno video (emailed it to her) she was very excited yet didnt know if she wanted to view it ...she opened it and couldnt get enuff...she proceeded to want to have phone sex (weve done this many times) we will talk turn eachother on and cum..i always take my time and try to please her...we do this becuz its hard for us to be togther till im 18 and can move in with her and becuz we love eachother...anyway after i was satisfied she said she had also cum...but still seemed into it so i tried to satisfy her by talking...after a few mins. she said to be quiet and proceeded to please herself with me listening...i thought she had cum at least twice and after about 15-20 mins. i didnt know what to do so i sat there and listened..i felt kinda left out...she stopped and said something about getting a sex toy to use and i replied that i had wanted to talk to her too tonite so i hope we can talk too she got mad stopped and got real nasty i said im sorry i thought u had cum already ...she finally admits later it takes her an hour to cum and that she usually just fakes it and pleases me and is sick of it...i felt so bad...i kept tellin her lets do it agian she wouldnt...now she says forget sex at all with me that she is going back in her shell she was in for 10 yrs and i am just like every other man...she threw the video away and wont mention sex with me at all now...she said i took something from her...i violated her...that i humiliated her...she doesnt know if she can get it back...then last nite we were on phone...i mentioned that i noticed in a paper she wrote and showed to me that she had put the letter "S" on the end of abortion...in effect abortions....i said i thought u only had one but u had more didnt u...i thought we could talk about it..i dont hold it against her i just wanna bond becuz i have told her all my baggage and stuff in my life all of it...she said dont assume..sharing things with u is my choice and i choose not to...then she quoted all this psychology stuff...i said im sorry i just asked a question tahst it we can drop it....she said fine drop it ...i start tellin her about a show i was watchin i was getitn into it and she breaks me off and says u drink too much and i cant live with a drunk...so what are u gonna do about it...and on and on...we talk about it and she trashes me...i said id try to be better...then later on she starts screaming at me saying that its my problem i shared with her and starts repeating victims rights to me...like some kinda robot...then saying she has th eright to feel safe...im like calm down...she wouldnt stop abusing with words...and i said i am so sick of u and called her a ***** and hung up the phone..i feel like she verbally abuses me but she says its me...today we talk about what happened last nite... she said well damien u wanted to talk about DEEP FEELINGS and PROBLEMS so thats what we did ...except we did it about YOURS...and u dont like that do u??? she is nasty to me and i repeat stuff back to her to show her how it feels and then she says dont compete with me! u fight like a woman...and she quotes psychology to me all nite long on instant message and says whatever she likes about me and then when i defend myself she screams THIS ISNT ABOUT U ITS ABOUT ME...she says things are always about ME...i told her i was sorry for calling her the B word..she didnt say sorry for doing anything ..i kept tellin her im sorry and then she brought up the sex thing i said sorry for that too and how much i love her and will make it up to her...she said to me "men should be taught to apologize becuz u suck at it"...i felt so stupid after she said that...is she purposely trying to hurt me..she is nice and then all of sudden mean.....i said u know it was mean when u interrupted my story last nite..she goes MEAN? thats a childish word..she said we had more important things to discuss other than that stupid show and seeing as how i wanted to discuss HER pain she thought shed bring up mine....she picks at everything i say...then tonite as i had to go do homework i said can we talk tonite and meet back here around 10pm...she said yeah do ur work take ur time school is important...i said aright..then she types aright...i said ok see u later...she types same thing as me...then i said why are u copying what i say...she types and sends it back...she wouldnt stop...to be honest it scared me i started to shake....i wondered if shes crazy...isnt that just bizarre? i do love her and lots of times she makes me feel good becuz she loves me.... i feel she is hateful to me half the time and hates men....is it just me ...i never hurt her on purpose but i feel she does that to me....what do u think? i really need advice bad as i cant talk about this with family and dont really have friends....any advice would be very appreciated...thank u so much...Damien

[updraft]

Hi Damien

Well i dont know if you read my post yet, but im in a younger man-older woman realtionship. The age difference with yours is of course much bigger. Maybe that is the problem here. Did you relate to each other well before this recent meltdown or has there always been miscommunications>?

It sounds as if she is going through something bigger than you think. Menopausal women are very emotional at times. She is probably feeling insecure and panicking because of the age difference, thinking you may leave her for younger women. Either that or she is the type of person who constantly needs to belittle as a form of "control". You mention she said: "men should be taught to apologize becuz u suck at it". This is out of context, yes, but this is a hurtful and caustic remark, intended to make you feel worthless. I also have to wonder why a 49 year old is dating a 17 year old in the first place. Men or women it doesnt matter. When one person is under age I have to wonder what is the older one getting out of it besides sex and "control"?

-just my 2 cents

[Frasbee]

Christ dude, learn some ****in' english.

[updraft]

Frasbee: i think he needs some constructive advice not insults

[Frasbee]

Quote:

Originally Posted by updraft

Frasbee: i think he needs some constructive advice not insults

Okay.

Here at loveforum, there are many people here that will overlook your situation due to your choice to use broken english.

If you want people to read your posts.

1.) use correct spelling, punctuation and grammar

2.) keep it short

3.) use paragraph seperation

I hope you understood all of that despite the fact it's not typed in "netspeak".

[mhussain]

dude first of all...stop apologising ... i repeat STOP SAYING SORRY ...

why? COZ U HAVENT DONE ANYTHING WRONG... is that clear enough or should i enlarge the font ... ?

damien , she is what she is and that is nearly 50 .... she may be going through changes and hence the behaviour ... support her by all means if u want to ... but do not say sorry when u havent dont anythiing wrong ...

u r not yet `18 ... do not scar ur life by making this experience 'the' paramount experience of ur life ... u have ur whole life ahead of u ...

i will not question ur feelings regarding her ... i have no such right ... but dude seriously , do u respect urself? coz if u dont , no one else will ..., no matter what she says or shouts ... u havent done anything wrong ...

if u like her and love her , then by all means stay and help and support her ... but if not ... then its time u turned 18 and decided things for urself

best of luck and keep us informed

Hussain

[Fyesteema4]

She is too old and probably bi-polar. RUN FAST. Are you attracted to girls your own age? Do your parents or friends know about this?

[Frasbee]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fyesteema4

She is too old and probably bi-polar. RUN FAST. Are you attracted to girls your own age? Do your parents or friends know about this?

Yeah she's probably a FUGLY rapist murder!

[Fyesteema4]

Ha, Frasbee. Why are you picking on meee?

[Frasbee]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fyesteema4

Ha, Frasbee. Why are you picking on meee?

Hahaha, cause you've made it so easy!

[outlawstar]

Hi all thank you for your replies! UPDRAFT, I think you definately have a point in regards to the menopause thing. She is pre-menopausal and was told that by her doctor. You're right about her remark being hurtful and said to make me feel worthless thank you for that because I wasn't sure if it was me or deserved that or what. Yes I think you're right and that she wants to control me, I'm just starting to realize that. I know I sound like a weak person to everyone who read my post before but its just that i love this woman so much and its so confusing for me. MHUSSAIN, you do have a GREAT point and I will take your advice and stop apologizing. You're right, what have i really done that was so terrible except open my mouth and speak. FYESTEEMA4, actually I have a very confusing past and didnt know i was attracted to girls at all until I met this woman, since meeting her I feel as though yes I am attracted to girls and am considering looking for one my own age because this woman brings up the fact that if i had a younger woman she would probably want to meet my family (this older woman hates my family and cant wait to tell them off) and be friends with my family and have my children in the future.But as she's older and wiser somehow she will not bow down to anyone or play nice because she takes a stand for herself and says what she wants when she wants it , period. But yes I am attracted to girls my age and no my guardians don't know about this older woman, no one does that's why I came to this forum to ask for advice, because I feel so alone in this whole situation. I have decided after reading all the replies that I might stop talking to her because it is only bringing me down now. If I continue to talk to her do you think I should stand firm and how should I respond when I feel she is attacking me or putting me down verbally? She wants me to sit quietly and listen to hear the way SHE feels. She said you tell me to tell you how I feel then you don't want to listen, but isnt telling me how she feels and verbally attacking me two different things? Should i sit quietly and let her do this or defend myself or what? Thank you all again for your advice. - Damien

[boobaa]

Love?



...

[outlawstar]

Thank you all again, even you FRASBEE, though very rudely and sarcastically, for teaching me how to use a forum, this being my first time I didnt know the rules. I just wrote the woman and told her in a very nice way that I need to back off from this relationship right now as I'm afraid its going to hurt me very deeply and that I am now aware that she is going through a lot more than i had previously realized (menopause and all) and that i will not apologize anymore or even talk about the previous night sex thing, and that I wont let her talk down to me anymore. I also told her that when she feels better and more in control to write me and we can talk if she wants to continue this relationship. I hope I did the right thing here. It will be hard to not talk to her but I have to be strong.Thanks for all your advice everyone you really helped me out. UPDRAFT, I would love to talk to you sometime you seem like a great person and are in the same kinda relationship I am. Thanks all. D

[Frasbee]

Quote:

Originally Posted by outlawstar

Thank you all again, even you FRASBEE, though very rudely and sarcastically, for teaching me how to use a forum, this being my first time I didnt know the rules.

::sigh::

Alright, I apologize for bein' an a$$hole.

I've grown highly intolerant of people usin' that netspeak after seein' it so much in these forums.

And they're not so much "rules" as they are an effective method of getting the useful advice you're seeking.

[artyemi]

outlaw... outlaw the bi-atch...

the older we get, the more we talk..
the more we talk, the less sense we make...

like right now, i make no sense..

but you deserve to be treated with dignity and respect even if you are younger than her. you're not just a little toy for her to play with..