GirlFriend Friends with Ex - Love Forum

EricJ · #1 (**permalink**) 30-05-05, 09:11 AM

Hi, I have been dating this girl for a year now. Lately we have been fighting alot and I can't take her hanging out with her ex anymore. She was really good friends with him before they went out. Well anyway, she broke up with him and me and her started "seeing each other" she didn't want a boyfriend going into college so we were never official untill after she left and we decided to officially go out. Well, when we first started going out he wasn't a problem but as time went on she started seeing him more and more. I always got upset and she said I was I needed to trust her and I was being insecure. My problems is she goes over to his apartment and gets drunk over there with him and thier friends. She never let's me go with her when he's going to be around and she doesn't awnser my phone calls when she's around him. And if she calls me back she always waits till she goes to the bathroom or gets away from him. He is always calling her, pretty much everyday. She goes to his hockey games and works out with him. Not, to mention sometimes she sleeps over there. She says she gets to drunk and just falls asleep. I always trusted her that she wouldn't cheat on me but now I am starting to wonder. I talked to her about it and she said she won't lose her freinds and she would take him over me. Basically she told me to either be ok with it and stop bitching or leave. I told her I can't take it anymore. I love this girl so much and I don't want to lose her. But at the same time I can't take being disrespected like this. What do you guys think?

Thanks,
Eric

ALovelyLady86 · #2 (**permalink**) 30-05-05, 09:18 AM

There is no such thing as being friends with an ex...
I'm sorry but there isnt, and it doesnt matter how long it was since they broke up or blah blah blah either. If shes not willing to drop this guy for you, then there is a problem and you need to leave. Dont give her the choice, shes already made her decision. You need to tell her what youre going to do and do it.

I've tried the same thing...being friends with an ex... always end up back with him. Always. And I am extremely strong willed and strong minded.
Youve already lost her if shes to the point where shes arguing with you over this guy. He shouldnt even be in your every day conversation. He shouldnt even be around.

COAD · #3 (**permalink**) 30-05-05, 09:18 AM

I had a similiar problem...
My girlfriend was hanging out with her ex often and I was totally against it... I just told her straight forward that I dont want her hanging out with him, because it makes me feel uncomfortable.

After that, she stopped and asked him to leave her alone.

Its fine now, its not that i didnt trust her - its just that it makes me feel uncomfortable...

Fyesteema4 · #4 (**permalink**) 30-05-05, 09:26 AM

I am friends with all my exes. And yes I have hung out with them occasionally. Some of them are still within my social circle so I'll see them a lot. I look at all of them like "wow I can't believe I was romantic with him, its so not like that." Of course I never say to my boyfriend "I'm going to hang out with my ex, peace."

BUT where you NEED to put the foot down is when you are not allowed to meet/or hang out with him, and when shes staying over there. Thats crazy! Don't put up with that. You should definitely draw the line there.

Sami09 · #5 (**permalink**) 30-05-05, 12:27 PM

You are incorrect there is such thing of being friends with an ex . My man dated his girl for 2 weeks like 5 yrs ago and then are friends. He says they only kissed a few times during 2 weeks they were like 15 or 16 . its possible to be friends with an ex.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ALovelyLady86

There is no such thing as being friends with an ex...
I'm sorry but there isnt, and it doesnt matter how long it was since they broke up or blah blah blah either. If shes not willing to drop this guy for you, then there is a problem and you need to leave. Dont give her the choice, shes already made her decision. You need to tell her what youre going to do and do it.

I've tried the same thing...being friends with an ex... always end up back with him. Always. And I am extremely strong willed and strong minded.
Youve already lost her if shes to the point where shes arguing with you over this guy. He shouldnt even be in your every day conversation. He shouldnt even be around.

mhussain · #6 (**permalink**) 31-05-05, 11:01 AM

sorry but there is no such thing as being "friends" with ex .... there simply isnt becz iof the past ...

dude make it a simple point that she must stop hanging out with him ..... simple

there istoo much at stake in being friends with ex

Hussain

Sami09 · #7 (**permalink**) 31-05-05, 11:55 AM

again i am going to disagree if the relationship was less then a month . you can be friends its possible.

Quote:

Originally Posted by mhussain

sorry but there is no such thing as being "friends" with ex .... there simply isnt becz iof the past ...

dude make it a simple point that she must stop hanging out with him ..... simple

there istoo much at stake in being friends with ex

Hussain

ALovelyLady86 · #8 (**permalink**) 31-05-05, 12:26 PM

I dont consider 15 to be a real relationship anyway... so I cant count that. When I say ex I mean someone you were in love with at one time. Involved with and committed to.

bluesummer · #9 (**permalink**) 31-05-05, 02:27 PM

For the most part I would say staying friends with an ex is ok and certainly possible. I still talk to mine 3 years later. However, my friend, YOUR gf is not just talking to him, she is getting drunk with him, spending a lot of time with him, not answering your calls when she is out with him?? Sleeping over at his place? Major red flags. Sorry buddy, but she is playing you like a cheap violin.....I think you see it but you are in a bit of denial. You may love her, but she clearly does not have the same level of love and respect for you, and you deserve better.

mhussain · #10 (**permalink**) 31-05-05, 03:07 PM

EricJ ....

love is fine ... bilnd love is not

Hussain

Jakz · #11 (**permalink**) 01-06-05, 07:35 AM

Listen to what you are saying in your letter... you guys have been seeing eachother for a year. You have the right to be upset when she acts like that bc YOUR her bf not HIM! Getting druk at his appt is not right, not allowing you to come with her, talk to her, or anything of the sort while she is around him means she has something to hide from you. Im sorry, but the time she spends with him should be time reserved for you. You can be friends with an ex, but it doesnt sound like she is 'just friends'. You should take priority over him if she is for real. She is using you, and hurting you and she is disrespecting you with everything she does with him. If she has said that shed chose him over you...well there is a major sign that she isnt worth your time and is simply playing games.
Kick her to the curb, shes upto no good and chances are, you deserve WAY better!!
i agree with you, bluesummer

shh! · #12 (**permalink**) 01-06-05, 07:40 AM

Read your own post and pretend it is someone else who has the problem. What would you say? You KNOW the answer to your problem. It is not very complicated. You just need to learn to trust your own judgements.

mhussain · #13 (**permalink**) 01-06-05, 11:59 AM

dump her ass dude

hussain

skybeam · #14 (**permalink**) 01-06-05, 10:29 PM

dump that b.tch

skybeam · #15 (**permalink**) 01-06-05, 10:30 PM

have some self respect dude.