what should I do?

[darkQ]

thanks in advance for any advice.

I am really under stressed right now with my long distance relationship. We started dating from 97-99, broke up, then start again from 2002-now. We live in 2 different countries all this time and just visit each other on our vacations (approx. 3 times a year).

The reason for the break up the first time was because of the long-distance thing. Now, the problem seems to be happening again... He has agreed to move with me but he doesn't seem to do anything about it. He's afraid not being able to get a job due to economy, etc. (he is not American and I am). But he's still planning on moving with me but he doesn't know when - and this is the fact that has been driving crazy. As you can see, we had the problem once, and I don't want to waste more time if I don't have certainty.

He knows this problem because I have been complaining about it several times. He is the type who worries too much about EVERYTHING, too considerate about EVERYTHING, think too much, etc. I am sure you get it.

What should I do? should I end it again? I don't know ultimatum would help.

thanks for all your inputs

[leight69]

wow...long distance is tough. I am personally opposed to any sort of long distance relationship that has no definate end in sight.

May I ask why is it that you are in the relationship? You rarely see each other, he's hesistant to make it a short distance relationship. You have no desire to move to him. How can you grow with this person and truely love them if you havnt spent actual time with them. You have very little knowledge of each others personal habits

thats me though....

[darkQ]

I used to live in Europe (where he is) and that's how we met. We dated for about 4 months while I was there and continued long distance when I returned to the US (job situation).

I have tried to live there but not much luck because it's hard for foreigners to get a professional jobs in Europe.
Recently, in May when he was here, he made the decision to move here. He's coming again this month, but still, he can't tell me when he can do it. He's been coming back and forth in short period of time - why doesn't he just move??

Am being too pushy?
What can I say so that he's convinced that it's not as big deal as he thinks and it's easier to get a job once he's here ..you know, for interviews, etc.

thanks again for inputs

[leight69]

My point is this. I beleive that every person should follow their own path in life, at the begining, people and places will come and go. There comes a point were you travel the same path with someone and you decide that you'd like to make it permanent. Once you reach a point, where you decide your path and the anothers path is the same path...that point is marriage.

Look at marriage stats, what makes you or I different from those stats if we arent aware?

[darkQ]

thanks again for your reply.

The point is not marriage or not. We are just trying to live in the same country. That's the first step, and we;ll go from there.

it's very hard weather to keep on or to let go after such along time... *sigh*

[girlgonedead]

i've had many long distance relationships.. and let me tell you they are not that fun; they can make you very insecure, and then your honesty can go flushing down the drain too. be careful <3

[des21]

You said that the point is not marriage just trying to live in the same country. But surely you realize that moving to another country for a relationship that may or may not be permanent seems way too risky and that's probably why he has reservations. I would discuss it with him before pressing the issue any further.