My boyfriend and I don't talk much.

[BertIsMyHomeboy]

My boyfriend and I have been going out for almost 5 months now and I've noticed that he doesn't talk to me much anymore in person, as well as on the phone and online. I pointed this out to him one day and he was quite surprised, but told me that he'd try to talk more. This only worked for a short amount of time and then he was back to not talking to me. I asked him again why he doesn't talk to me a whole lot and he told me that it's because he gets distracted easily. You see, he has this friend that he likes to goof around with and they sometimes like to be immature and get real physical with each other in public just for kicks and giggles. He's even admitted that he pays more attention to that kid when he's around than he does to me. He also said that I don't talk a lot either and that I should talk to him too. I'll admit that I'm a shy person and don't talk much around people I don't know, like his friends, but even when we're alone I never know what to talk about. It seems as if we've run out of things to say. I've also noticed that whenever I do make a comment about something he has some smartass reply and he usually only does this around his friends. The weird part is that he acts this way to his mom and at times I feel like I am his mother. We both like each other a lot and I don't want to lose this relationship, but I'm at a loss for words. Literally.

[Only-virgins]

What do you mean you two don't talk? You obviously talk about the relationship right?...talking is over-rated unless it has an important goal.

[jay12]

Ive been in a relationship where there were times when we wouldnt talk much. I would search myself for something to say and just end up talkin rubbish or stayin quiet.

Like you im quite shy.

It would worry me cos id think 'shit, shes gonna think im boring' or whatever. And i have to admit she probly did think this at the end. It never worked out and I was heartbroken but now i realise that it jus wasnt working and i wasnt havin much fun sitting there in silence anyway.
Maybe this is isnt the case with you guys...but be prepared if it is and dont worry about it, if you cant think of anything to say then maybe this guy isnt right for you.
Quietness is my biggest problem.

[mhussain]

a meaningful silence speaketh a thousand words , otherwise the person is just plain boring ....

smartass replies to you in front of his friends isnt a good sign ..

Hussain

[Prodigal]

First of all, (to Jay), I don't think quietness is a problem. A lot of times it's more important or worthwhile to listen than to talk.

Hussain is right... smart ass replies to you is not a good sign... I mean, unless that's just the way he is and he means it in good nature. You know, people can make fun of each other or do stuff like that but it's obviously in a joking and affectionate manner... but then again, you can usually tell if they do it for that reason.

He sounds a bit immature to me... just goofing around instead of really talking. Sometimes it's really funny and stuff, but if he does it all the time... it sorta shows to me that he has nothing to talk about. Being quiet and not having anything to talk about are two completely different things. Being quiet is not so much a problem because maybe he is just a very private person. But not having anything to say... that is a huge problem. If he has nothing to say to you (ever)... I'd say that's a huge communication problem. That's potentially lethal to a relationship. If you find that you never really have anything to say to him, maybe it's time to move on. You need to be with someone who you have chemistry with... one of the most important chemistries to have with a person is intellectual. If you two have nothing to talk about, and can never find anything to talk about, what kind of connection is that?

[BertIsMyHomeboy]

I'm pretty sure he's joking because he acts like that with everyone else, it's just the tone of voice he uses with me. Either I'm making a big deal out of it, or he doesn't realize how his words are coming out of his mouth. There are times though when we can actually have a nice conversation with just us two, but it's something that happens once in awhile, mainly because we're around a large group of people most of the time when we hang out. I've told myself before that I'd try to overcome my shyness and talk more but I just can't help it. He used to be real shy too when we were first going out and obviously he isn't anymore. Does anyone have ideas on what I could talk to him about?

[cutiekitti16]

I can totally relate to you. I'm a shy person also and i went through sorta the same thing with my ex bf and we broke up cause we never talked and we were both really shy. but don't think this is just your problem. if you find the right person, you'll have no problem talking!! i have done this!! also, it sounds like that guy is just trying to show off for his friends... he sounds like a jerk.

[Frasbee]

You guys just don't "work".

No biggie.

Move on.

[Only-virgins]

Quote:

Originally Posted by jay12

if you cant think of anything to say then maybe this guy isnt right for you.
Quietness is my biggest problem.

I love being quiet. Sometimes its a type of personality.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Frasbee

You guys just don't "work".

No biggie.

Move on.

Thats just bull shit. Why do they not work? because they guy doesnt talk about the stupidest shit like everyone else? maybe its just jis personality.

[Frasbee]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Only-virgins

Thats just bull shit. Why do they not work? because they guy doesnt talk about the stupidest shit like everyone else? maybe its just jis personality.

You know what I think it is OV?

I think I just take the easiest way out and go with it.

It wasn't always this easy.

But once you get used to it, nothing compares.

Cept, I think I'm beginning to over use it.

[Chlorine]

Bert----"He used to be real shy too when we were first going out and obviously he isn't anymore. Does anyone have ideas on what I could talk to him about?"

It's not necessary to talk all the time/continuously. Silence can be good. However, if the silence is uncomfortable, and you're searching for topics to talk about, well than maybe you guys may not have much in common.

[mhussain]

do u always have to have something in common to be with someone?

Hussain

[BertIsMyHomeboy]

Ha. I didn't intend for this to turn into an argument....but if you insist...

I saw my boyfriend last night (with a large group of people, of course) and I was trying to talk to him a little more just by saying whatever popped into my head at the moment. We ended up talking a little bit more, but still not as much as we could have. It's just the whole group scenario thing that gets him distracted. I told him I like it when we do stuff without the large group because we talk more and he likes it too. Maybe we should start hanging out just us two? About the personality thing, I'm not always shy and quiet. Actually, I can be quite loud and rowdy. It just depends on who I'm around and where I'm at. Like I said before, we're always hanging around his friends and even though I've been around them several times, I still don't feel 100% comfortable. We could hang around this other crowd of people I sometimes socialize with but he doesn't really like them and I don't either, but that's another story.

[Prodigal]

Yeah... I mean, isn't that what a relationship is all about? The times that you share together? I think the best times in relationships are when you're alone with them. In a group setting, you can't really be as intimate or private, you know? I would say to try to get out more as a couple, not as part of a group.

[mhussain]

what i meant was that u dont always have to have something in common woth someone u love ... love doesnt seek out common denominators ..... or rather it shouldnt ....

its a start .... draw him out .... coz u obviously love him ..... try spending time alone when its just u and him ...

best of luck

Hussain