i was just wondering if anyone could give me some advice - i think im falling out of love with my boyfriend which is the last thing i want to happen.
I have been with my boyfriend for the last 2 years, and it was instantly love at first sight for both of us, we have had a very intense reltionship and have spent a lot of time together over the last 2 years. everything was going perfectly, and i was head over heels for him, and he too was so good to me - always treating me well (or so i thought) and being so sweet. we have practically spent everyday together over the last 2 years, and i spend half the week with him and half the week i go back home to sleep (but still see him during the evening).
About 6 months ago, I had the shock of my life, when i read a message from someone in his email inbox (he asked me to log in and forward him an email as he didnt have computer access - I didnt hack in by choice!), the message was from his ex, and in the email they were both talking quite affectonately. Curiousity then got the better of me, and i decided to look further into his inbox, the trash. Here i found registration details for various dating / sex sites, and emails he had been sending to various other women. I carried on delving deeper and deeper to get to the bottom of what he had been upto, and I found chats with over 200 women over the time he has been with me - including chats of a very sexual nature. after confronting him about this he admitting to cheating on me with 6 women.
I decided to walk away, but was still in love with him so deeply and after a week decided to give him another chance, as he assured my he would never do anything like this again - i must admit, he has tried everything to put my mind at ease, including getting rid of his iphone so he isnt tempted to go online to chat, and over the last 6 months I am starting to trust that he is faithful to me.
Now the problem I am having is I cant get some of these chats out of my head, especially the very sexual ones as they make me think that my boyfriend is not satisifed with me and has a kinky side to him. He has assured me that the chats were just rubbish and to get these other women aroused. But i cant get over the fact that they might be true, and he indeed is not satisifed with me. To make things worse, I have put on a little weight, and do not feel like the sexy woman i once was - as aresult of all this my libido has completely dropped, and now my boyfriend keeps asking me if im still attracted to him or not.
This morning i woke up with him, and just felt numb, and Im scared im falling out of love with him. I really dont want that to happen, as apart from the cheating (which has noe finished) he is the nicest, kindest guy, and thinks the world of me. Even though i feel fat, he always tells me im sexy and the most beautiful women in the world. i recently turned 30, and he tells me i can still give the 18 year olds a run for their money! he takes me out to nice places, looks after me when im ill, kisses me all the time, hugs me when i cant sleep...everything. i know how much he loves me, and I also do love him - im just concerned that I am no longer in love with him. Any advice would be much appreciated.