Crying over a girl - in front of her or on the phone - Love Forum

Journey · #1 (**permalink**) 12-07-05, 12:47 PM

Is crying about a girl over the phone or in front of her a total no no?

I would say that I am a very emotional guy - ie., I cried in "the Goonies" when Chunk said he would take care of Sloth.

Anyways - she said over the phone that she didn't have much time for me anymore and didn't love me. I cried and started to tell her how much I loved her and that I didn't want to lose her.

You've seen the movies with the iconic figures like Aragorn in Lord of the Rings or Russel Crowe in Gladiator. Maybe they would have cried silently to themselves over a woman, but never in front of them.

In general what do women think of guys that cry in front of them - about them? Is it an absolute no no? Is it weak? Does that give them free reign to walk all over you in the future?

Frasbee · #2 (**permalink**) 12-07-05, 12:52 PM

Depends on what and why I'd say.

You crying like that on the phone with her was pretty pathetic I must say.

Not only did you cry though, which really isn't all that bad, it's reasonably understandable, but you were begging her to stay.

I'd call that a no no.

Prodigal · #3 (**permalink**) 12-07-05, 01:13 PM

Not an absolute no-no... if she's into you, that is. If she said she doesn't love you anymore and such... I don't think it would help out your cause. And in your situation, I would say yes... it may give her a sign that she could use your attraction to her advantage... if she wanted to and she was ****ed up like that.

Sorry man.

singularity2006 · #4 (**permalink**) 12-07-05, 02:22 PM

We've both cried to each other in person and on the phone... though we do it on the phone because we know if we cried in person, we'd really get emotional and totally lose control of ourselves... but yeah, the asking for her back is a no-no. U gotta be strong guy... seriously.

One thing I realized is that when I started seeing my girl, she wasn't exactly at her best and needed some work. The more I encouraged her to be independent and work hard, the more she bought into the ideas... but at the same time, the more I bought into my own ideas too because I needed to shape up to show her a living example for her to follow... otherwise, why bother encouraging her so much if i cannot live up to my own standards? Really, you need to stand up to it and act tall because love is not simply sharing company with another but developing a relationship of trust, faith, and mutual support in terms of emotional/economic/physical support for all those hard times. Because in the end, your mate is going to be the last person you will ever know....

Blink · #5 (**permalink**) 12-07-05, 05:25 PM

real men cry is all i have to say

wishiwassocial · #6 (**permalink**) 12-07-05, 07:52 PM

hmm that's about the same thing that happened to me a few days ago

she has no time for me, doesn't loves me anymore, ...

shh! · #7 (**permalink**) 12-07-05, 10:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Frasbee

Depends on what and why I'd say.

You crying like that on the phone with her was pretty pathetic I must say.

Not only did you cry though, which really isn't all that bad, it's reasonably understandable, but you were begging her to stay.

I'd call that a no no.

I agree with this post, and I am female. Except the part about crying over the phone, which I would have to witness before calling it pathetic. It may or may not have been pathetic. The begging was definitely a no-no.

TAVS · #8 (**permalink**) 12-07-05, 10:16 PM

That's tough. I believe real men cry but I also believe it shows weakness that isn't always helpful. I know, however, that sometimes you can't stop yourself. Don't blame yourself for hurting and showing it.... But try not to.

whaywardj · #9 (**permalink**) 12-07-05, 10:33 PM

That would depend on whether you're crying out of compassion or out of self-pity.

ritehereritenow · #10 (**permalink**) 12-07-05, 10:43 PM

I totally agree with singularity2006. Don't beg her to stay, man. You loved her, she loved you, it's a good thing, tell her to "consider herself free".

When I broke up w/ my ex-bf, he did the same thing as you, in person, not on the phone, which makes me believe I made the right decision. Love and respect yourself first!

Quote:

Originally Posted by singularity2006

We've both cried to each other in person and on the phone... though we do it on the phone because we know if we cried in person, we'd really get emotional and totally lose control of ourselves... but yeah, the asking for her back is a no-no. U gotta be strong guy... seriously.
....

ritehereritenow · #11 (**permalink**) 12-07-05, 10:45 PM

Sorry, man. But there are millions of wonderful girls out there, and you only need one of them. Go find her!

Quote:

Originally Posted by wishiwassocial

hmm that's about the same thing that happened to me a few days ago

she has no time for me, doesn't loves me anymore, ...

ritehereritenow · #12 (**permalink**) 12-07-05, 10:50 PM

Yeah, real men cry, but not for some girl and a bad relationship. Nobody is strong forever. Being a girl, I think cring (for other things) is understandable and shows his trust on me. He needs my support and I will be there for him.

Quote:

Originally Posted by TAVS

That's tough. I believe real men cry but I also believe it shows weakness that isn't always helpful. I know, however, that sometimes you can't stop yourself. Don't blame yourself for hurting and showing it.... But try not to.

Tone · #13 (**permalink**) 12-07-05, 11:49 PM

Shed a tear over happy times = okay.

Balling on the phone begging for her not to break up = bad.

wishiwassocial · #14 (**permalink**) 13-07-05, 01:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ritehereritenow

Sorry, man. But there are millions of wonderful girls out there, and you only need one of them. Go find her!

since when is just one enough

JoGorilla · #15 (**permalink**) 13-07-05, 02:20 AM

I don't think crying itself is an absolute no no, but it really depends on what the situation is. Crying over the death of a loved one is one thing... it's part of grieving. In the case of self pity, because she doesn't want to be with you, it certainly wont help your situation by crying to her. From her end it would probably sound like groveling, and no one likes whiners who cry because they don't get their way. All I can say is that we live, love, and learn. Don't drag yourself down even further by wallowing in self pity. Sometimes relationships dont work, but we can't control that. You have to pick yourself up and realize that there are far more serious things to cry about in this world than loosing a girlfriend, and eventually if you try, you'll find someone new anyway.