are her friends are more important than me? - Love Forum

wishiwassocial · #1 (**permalink**) 07-07-05, 07:48 PM

So I'm together with a girl for nearly 2 months, and last weeks I've barely seen her. She says that she hasn't got any time, but she's just in the tennisclub every day, from early in the morning till midnight.
Over there she's just doing nothing; playing tennis, watching her friends play tennis, hanging around at the bar. But yesterday she took me with her to the club and we talked a little bit and she said I had to get used to the fact that I won't see her this often these months, and she won't take me to her club everyday or go out with me because then her friends would feel "abandoned".
But I really miss her, and she knows that, but still it seems like she doesn't wants to make time for me

Yesterday at the club I was really really bored, and we both got nothing to say, I didn't feel welcome between all these decadent people, her friends didn't really like me because I was this silent (which I always was in my whole life), so I just left after a couple of hours watching her and her friends playing tennis.
When I left she said she would walk with me to the bus stop, but after a couple steps she stopped and said "oh, I have to return to the club, a friend has won a game", gave a fast kiss and ran back. But I wanted to apoligise for my mood, talk about things I couldn't talk about when all of her friends were near, give her a *good* kiss after I didn't see her for a week... instead of the 0.5 second lip touching we did that day.
I'm really ****in' depressed lately, because I didn't see her for weeks, and this one day I see her it's just a total failure plus that it'll probably take another week or longer before I see her again

She always said "love you" when we smsed, except for today and yesterday. Can I see that as a sign that she doesn't likes me anymore?
Two days ago I said (depressed) that I love her very much, that she is the most important thing for me, but that it doesn't seems like she still loves me; then she became very angry and said she does love me.

But I don't know...Isn't it normal that you create some spare time for your boyfriend when you can and he misses you, instead of hanging around in that stupid tennis club all day? Does she still loves me, altough she says so?

If it could help: she's 15, I'm 16. And I'm very sensitive.
thx

JonathanP · #2 (**permalink**) 07-07-05, 08:34 PM

-But yesterday she took me with her to the club and we talked a little bit and she said I had to get used to the fact that I won't see her this often these months,

Does she mean that this is seasonal? Because I know that I am in the months of doing dressage competitions. So I am not really available for my girlfriend that much.

and she won't take me to her club everyday or go out with me because then her friends would feel "abandoned".

Sounds like she really likes to hang out with her friends. That's kewl though. If she won't take you everyday that isn't a problem neither. They have to have there time as well.

Or she sounds like she just isn't that interested in a serious relationship. Ask her if she is.

But - remember it's been 2 months not 2 years. So don't sweat it too bad because your not losing much if it doesn't pan out. Your still in the "Honeymoon" love stage.

I didn't feel welcome between all these decadent people, her friends didn't really like me because I was this silent (which I always was in my whole life),

Well you have to do something about it. Because for every word you don't say. The other person fills it in with their assumption of what your thinking. And if you have a depressed look or mean look on your face. Even I will think that your calling me an a55hole in your head. Speak up and say something. Even if you don't want to.

But I don't know...Isn't it normal that you create some spare time for your boyfriend when you can and he misses you, instead of hanging around in that stupid tennis club all day?

Well remember she said for a couple of months. So it is tennis season. Then what happens after that will really tell the truth.

I think that you should calm down a little bit because it is only 2 months into it. Go out with your friends. If you don't have any then go out somewhere. You never know. But don't sit on your ars at the house waiting for her to call. She'll call ya if she wants to. And if she doesn't then she doesn't. At least it will be out of the way now instead of way later.

wishiwassocial · #3 (**permalink**) 07-07-05, 08:48 PM

But it just bothers me that she doesn't has to be over there, she doesn't plays in the competition anymore so why is she there all of the ****in' time? If I'd have to choose between hanging around with my friends or going out with my girlfriend I'd choose the second thing, although I have really good friends...Seems like she thinks about that a lil' different. :s

JonathanP · #4 (**permalink**) 07-07-05, 09:30 PM

You have a good point. That is the thing in a relationship and finding that match that works for you. Maybe she isn't the match that you are looking for. I can understand where you coming from because I feel the same way that you do. So what to do, You need to find someone that has the same morals and ethics as you do. That is why they call it dating. Yeah there's a lot of emotion in the begining. But the meat and potatoes doesn't show till later. She is starting to show her true self just as you are. And if it doesn't match up then it is no big deal. It isn't like your trying to save a 20 year marriage here. Just take your time and watch what she does. Explain to her that you operate this way. If she says that she doesn't like that way of operation, then you both just agreed that you disagree and figure out what your going to do about it. If neither one of you guys are going to budge on it. Then just move on. She's not the only one out there and you are not the only one out there neither. So it's all good. It's just hard for a person to accept that something you really want isn't going to work. It is very hard to accept failure when it is something you want. I have a hard time with it while I am dating. I have to figure out what is and isn't going to work. And for everyday that goes by and nothing is resolved the harder it gets and the more you miss out on because you didn't say anything.

shh! · #5 (**permalink**) 07-07-05, 09:40 PM

She is only 15 - I think it is very healthy that she is interested in something besides you. Maybe you need to develop some other interests.

Besides, sitting around pining over her is not going to make her like you any more. It will make you appear whiny and needy. And don't tell her you are sensitive for the same reason.

JonathanP · #6 (**permalink**) 07-07-05, 10:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shh!

She is only 15 - I think it is very healthy that she is interested in something besides you. Maybe you need to develop some other interests.

Besides, sitting around pining over her is not going to make her like you any more. It will make you appear whiny and needy. And don't tell her you are sensitive for the same reason.

ack!!! I didn't read the 15 part. Shew bro. don't get too worried about it. You have too many years of it ahead of you. I agree with shh. Don't be such a puppy dog.

whaywardj · #7 (**permalink**) 07-07-05, 10:34 PM

Isn't it strange that when you're young and have all the time in the world to wait for things to come to pass, you're sooo impatient for them to, yet, when you're older and have less time to wait, you grow more patient when they don't?

Tone · #8 (**permalink**) 07-07-05, 10:50 PM

Life is silly.

wishiwassocial · #9 (**permalink**) 07-07-05, 11:43 PM

But I love her, and if she loves me, we shouldn't split up I think?

Just a week ago we were the happiest couple on this planet. Then we had our school report, I passed, she didn't. She was crying, not because she had to do the year again, but because her dad would be so mad, that he could get agressive (which he did in the past A LOT). I was trying to comfort her by holding her, and it was hard to see her cry like that so it was hard for me to stop my tears.
She already knew I'm sensitive, she asked for it once, and I said "yes" (couldn't lie), and she even liked it (she said)

I love her because of who and how she is, not because of what she does. Maybe all this shit will be over next week, who knows? And it's not that I'm much older than her, I got 16 just a few weeks ago, and it's her birthday next month. Then we're both sixteen, yays.

And I do have my hobby's, I'm not sitting here all day, I do have other interests just like she has her tennis, but for me she is more important than all those things; playing in a band, athletics, just hanging around with friends in the park, etc...

: I hope that isn't weird or something?

And about the patience thing; I'm not the kind of guy who has 12 girlfriends/year... I just live my life, not seeming to be interested in girls (but I am) and wait (very patient, indeed) untill they contact me. Which happens more than often. Yeah, I'm just very shy I guess.
The only good thing is that I'll never be rejected

Life's only silly when you don't live it.

Offtopic: do you guys like my english? I'm from europe, might need my english later, so just wondering

Tone · #10 (**permalink**) 07-07-05, 11:46 PM

Welcome to life.

shh! · #11 (**permalink**) 08-07-05, 12:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wishiwassocial

But I love her, and if she loves me, we shouldn't split up I think? Just a week ago we were the happiest couple on this planet.

Offtopic: do you guys like my english? I'm from europe, might need my english later, so just wondering

Your English is fine, but omigod! Do you whine this much in your native language?

wishiwassocial · #12 (**permalink**) 08-07-05, 12:42 AM

*sigh* is that an insult? Isn't this forum meant for people who have problems, and isn't being sad a problem? And I don't whine this much in my native language, I usually do it in Japenese or Arabic. Doh.

But no, seriously, I haven't cried for years, but this girl is driving me mad I think

Frasbee · #13 (**permalink**) 08-07-05, 01:00 AM

All I know is my pants are more important to me than you are.

wishiwassocial · #14 (**permalink**) 08-07-05, 01:28 AM

so wtf are you doing here if you don't care about noone?

and if you haven't got anything to say, just shut up instead of posting such worthless shit, just to increase your post count.

'mature individual' lol

mini696 · #15 (**permalink**) 08-07-05, 09:59 AM

Your controlling, obsessive and sensitive.

She's outgoing and unthoughtful.

If I had someone tell me some of the things you have said to her, I would be avoiding you too. She's testing you to see how far she can push you, and how desperate you are to keep her.

Girls dont like to be hounded the way you seem to be doing to her. Her tennis is her refuge away from the world, its comphy, and friendly. By having a quite and shy boyfriend around she feels awquard (sic).

Maybe if you talked to her friends and didn't mope because you arent having fun she would be a bit more enthusiastic about being with you.

Why should she make an effort to make you happy by giving you a kiss, when you dont make the effort to talk to her and her friends?

You're only 15, and this situation will come up a lot of time in your life. Learn from it and dont make the same mistakes again.

Mick

PS Do you and your GF do anything together? By the sounds of things the only thing you do with her is make out. Am I wrong?