So shy, she won't even talk from her heart

[eddyb4u]

Hi, I don't know exactly how old the average user is here, but if they are older than me, at least they can give me advice according to their memories as a teenager.

I am extremely shy, and never got a girl until last August, one year ago, at 18. She was 16 at the time, and so went on the relationship. For her it was her first relationship, so we were on a level playing field. She is also exteremly shy and insecure.

The relationship went very slowly, as we wanted it to. Our first kiss wasn't until just before Christmas, and I hadn't known if we were actually going out until January. As the months go on, I, at least, experience this great feeling of love and attraction towards her. And so we expressed it through cuddling and holding on the couch watching TV. I've sent her little love notes every so often, although she never really responds to them.

Now, as a shy girl, this girlfriend usually only responds, doesn't act. She is comfortable with me, and I can tell she trusts me, but I've found it very hard to really have her express that towards me. And it seems her self esteem is low, at least when it comes to social issues.

...so as we move on, I've been attempting to be a little more passionate with the cuddling and holding... not by having sex, but by just necking and "making out", so to speak. The two times I tried this, however, we sort of begin by putting our arms around eachother, begin kissing, but then abruptly stop. Once she recommended we play a board game, the second time she had to go to the bathroom, come out, and then say "Let's play cards."

Why is she eluding me? We've known and trusted eachother for all these months, and we have kissed, we have cuddled, I'm just trying to put the two together... I'm so confused.

[Calgacus]

This girl seems to be very emotionally-romantically immature. It sounds like you'd be better bringing these concerns to her. She'd then be able to share her feelings with you, and you'd be less uncertain and less stressed out by your ignorance of her psychology.

[eddyb4u]

Yep, that's what most of the other people I've talked to suggested, but what is the best way to say it without having her feel terrible about herself or not being sincere and going to just say something without meaning it just because that's what I want to hear?

[youri21]

ignore her for sometime, see how it turns out.
To me, her behaviour seems very immature - advice from me, avoid those girls..

[IceQueen]

Sounds like she is really just not INTO you so much (even a VERY shy girl would show you she likes you, if she actually DID), and continues with the relationship only out of sense of guilt and misguided desire not to hurt your feelings. I would suggest that you back off for a while. If she really likes you, she'll make a step to initiate something with you. If not -- like I was afraid, she really never liked you.

[eddyb4u]

Well, I can tell she must have some feelings for me, seeing that she smiles whenever we're together, and I've seen no subtle hints that she dislikes me. I mean, she was the one who asked me to the prom several months ago, she was the one who began cuddling with me, and still does so, and I know from experience that if something is wrong, she'd say it...

[des21]

I think people often mistake shyness for standoffish. Which is a mistake. She could very well be into you. If you want her to be closer to you than don't try it through physical. Wrong. Try by continuously talking to her about the sources of her insecurities. If you care about her you'll have to realize this could take a while.

[eddyb4u]

I'm definately going to talk to her about it. I mean, sure, I'd really like to get more physical, but the real crux is the fact that she never shares her feelings towards me, and that is what I must talk to her about. I doubt she is doing this for the purpose of brushing me off, but simply because she is probably naive, thinking I do know how she feels... and I know that feeling... it's not egocentricism, it's simply naive. And bear in mind I share the shyness with her... I'm very shy just as she is.

Earlier in August, she was going to camp for a week, and then 3 days after she got back from camp, she had a trip overseas for 10 days. She was so busy, we couldn't really go out, and I was quite disappointed. But I decided I'd go out the day before her flight, and just see her for a couple minutes just to say "hi" and "bye". I brought a bon voyage card with me, some M&M's, and a word search book (It was a long flight, I wanted something for her to do ) So, I arrived at her house, and even though I knew her, my heart was pounding.

She wasn't expecting me, so I almost knew she was going to be surprised by this. She opened the door, kind of smiled and said, "hi!" and then I kind of shook, gave her the things, and then said, "I hope you have a great time." And she said, "Yeah." I saw her friend downstairs... and for some reason I just froze. We just stood there staring at eachother... I could tell one of us was waiting for the other to say "Goodbye". To add to this, I was late for a music lesson as it was, and said so... and she nodded... more silence... finally, after 4 minutes, I finally just said goodbye and left.

It was by far the most awkward moment I've had... but it had got me thinking, she might, deep down, be waiting for me to make a move, but, just as we froze there, is frozen here. She is probably just afraid she will do the wrong thing and turn me off... She's got turn-me-off-phobia.

Well, today will be the first day since she's gone to Scotland, and it will be the celebration of our first year, and I want it to be as perfect as possible. I will have to just share my feelings with her and I'm sure she will understand my standing, and hopefully open up.

I thank you for your advice and will see what comes out of it.