More than friends?

[Zeen]

Hello out there. Just need someone's views on this.

Met a lovely girl a while ago and we went out for coffees, met up again, and everything was hunky-dory. We live quite a few hours apart, and kept in touch via frequent letters but did not meet up until almost a year after, and the romance was evident. After this she didn't really have time to meet again for a while. We still do meet up every few months, but now I'm wondering what's going on as there's no clear romance.

She still sparkles every time we do meet, we laugh a lot, and have fun in a banterful, playful kind of way. There's a very good chemistry between us, and she's always seems very interested in what I say, and we look at each other quite a bit. It feels as if we're more than friends, but then it doesn't really seem to happen, and she still sends me lots of sweet and lovely stuff in the post which I wouldn't have done if I wasn't interested in someone.

Am I totally lost?

[Frasbee]

Your best bet it to straight up ask 'er.

'Cause with the information provided, we're just as lost as to whether she actually likes you like that or not.

[Tone]

Wait I swear I replied to this earlier...

[1reason1love]

no u didnt.

[Chlorine]

Zeen---Your situation sounds positive. You like her, she likes you. To what extent she likes you, we don't know....but at least it's a positive feeling.

Since you guys live a few hours apart, distance gets in the way. Maybe she likes you but doesn't quite know how to overcome the distance.

Timing is also very important. Sometimes you meet the right person but it's just not the right time to get together because of circumstances. Timing, it's all about timing.

[SonicZero]

Well, it depends whether if you want to make a move or not.
Ask her out somewhere else apart from the coffehouse.
This situation also depends on how old you and the girl are.
So how old are you? And the Girl?

[Zeen]

I'm 31, she's 25. We get on really well, but there really never seems to be a suitable time to "make a move", as when we meet, it's only for a few hours every time, as she's always quite busy.

It's strange, as last year things were happening, and they've sort of quietly drifted into nothingness romance-wise. She still writes, but not as often as last year, and not quite as passionate, but still very eagerly, and I feel more than just friendly. At 31, I guess I should see things clearer, but just as confused as at 15 about these things.

But there's no question that she still really really likes me and enjoys meeting up in a big way. None of my friends can figure out quite what's going on either. It's quite a particular "case". And she's not the kind of girl who'd just play games either, that I'm sure of.

It's a very positive vibe between us, and it has been like that every time we've met, since the start. I think she's pretty sure what I think of her, so if she wasn't interested - why would she still meet up and be so happy about it, or indeed write sweet cards or send sweet stuff?

Totally confused. Thanks for replying guys and girls. Still don't know what to think...

[Zeen]

And yeah...

sent her a wee letter a week ago, just asking in a nice manner what' s really happening. Feel I need to know now, but I think perhaps that was the nail in he coffin, if any. Perhaps not the most romantic way to approach it, but we're so far apart, and I simply didn't know what else to do...

[clynn]

Ah, hah. did you get a response to the letter yet?

how many hours apart are you from each other? Couldn't you go visit her more frequently?

Could be that she enjoys having this going on her life, she likes you, but isn't ready for anything serious or isn't thinking along those lines yet.

I must admit that I once met a guy and then carried on an email relationship with him for a few months after that. When he eventually came to visit me, I was so busy I couldn't make much time for him. That on its own was somewhat telling of my level of interest. He was wonderful to me, bought me gifts, flowers. But it just didn't seem that feasible, as my life is quite firmly rooted where I live and his where he lives and I couldn't really seem where / how the two would come together, and perhaps I wasn't compelled enough. After that trip, he didn't contact me again, though I tried to contact him (not very hard, but I tried). Since he had made the big effort and I didn't have much to give in terms of time, I guess that was that. I would've, however, had been happy to carry on an email relationship with him, I think...because I happen to like writing and corresponding with people in that manner and he was a really great guy.

I'm probably not being very helpful. But I think you should just let her know you're interested in something more serious and that you would be prepared to travel on a regular basis to make it work, if necessary.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chlorine

Timing is also very important. Sometimes you meet the right person but it's just not the right time to get together because of circumstances. Timing, it's all about timing.

I agree w/this. Also the post about asking. If you want more, ask. If you don't (or can't for some reason) then just enjoy what you do have.

[Zeen]

I'd love to go on visit more often, but when I'm not really invited, I can't just invite myself there. It's a 6-7 hour drive, but I don't mind that. And no. No replies yet. I may just have killed it with that one, though it wasn't anywhere near rude or anything like that. I suppose you don't really want a guy to WRITE to you and ask...but can't see much choice, as I don't know when I'll meet her again. Yeah, I guess it' s much about timing. Last year it seemed like a good time, now not so good. Though it took almost a good year before we met after the first time, and things were still on then...

Girls, would you still keep in touch with someone who you knew were interested in you, but you weren't interested in? And still show exuberant happiness when you met up with them?

[Zeen]

I also felt awkward about asking in the letter. To me, it kind of sounds wrong to have to ask. Either it's there or it's not, and if it isn't really - then there should be no reason to ask, and just accept that there's nothing there. However, with what I see as confusing signals, I have now asked. And I feel like the dumbest most useless fool of a guy having had to do so...

[clynn]

Don't feel dumb!

A letter is nice, after all that is how you've been communicating lots anyhow. I love to receive letters!!!!

It is just too bad she hasn't responded at all.

Now, would i keep in touch? Yes, I would. However, unless he stated that he was interested in something more serious and thinking along those lines, then I would assume he was okay with everything. Once he asked, I think I would be compelled to be straightforward with him (as much as I could be, taking into account how in touch with my own feelings I may or may not even be).

Exhuberance on seeing him??? That depends. I could only behave honestly and anyone I don't see for a long time I may feel happy to see! However, if she is a busy girl and makes time to see you on her way into town...that says something, I would think (unless maybe you live in a rinky dink little town and maybe there isn't much else going on there?).

I did have another friend (not the one I mentioned above) who I met while in another city and we had a similar relationshp and I still feel very dearly about him, but he lives across teh country from me. We kept in touch and saw each other very rarely. I got the feeling that he would've been willing to move for me, but I wasn't interested in him making that kind of move. Now, if there was a good career move in it for him....then I definitely would've be interested in dating him if he moved here, and that is pretty much what I told him. We work in the same industry and I am well aware that opportunities in this business in his area of speciality are pretty slim in this part of the country. He never did land that kind of job. Now he is married and has a baby on the way. He is a wonderful man and his wife is very lucky. We will always be friends. To me, being supported by friends, family, career pursuits are important and I would never feel as though it was sensible for someone to just pack up and move x-country for me and me alone, without any grounding in a relationship. Course 6-7 hours isn't quite x-country and it is feasible that you guys could see each other more frequently.

But the fact remains that you don't.

She may be too young......???

In either case, if it is twisting you up, give her a ring and ask if she got the letter and if she'd had time to figure out a response yet???

[Zeen]

Thanks for all that. Interesting to hear your opinions and stories.Don't think she's too young, really. Not at all, she's just as mature if not more mature than me, despite the age difference.

I might be interested in moving, but not before I knew we had something good and that it was worth moving for, and that's not happened so far...

She smiles like a beam of light when we meet up and we have so much fun, go eat, and feed each other at times. Now I have to say, she is a very sociable and busy lady, many many friends to see all the time. And lots of work, I know that for a fact. She's very happy and easygoing with most of her friends and people she meets, but it does feel like there's something more when she meets up with me. But at the same time not. Which is confusing.

She never seems disinterested in what I'm saying, even for a second, and we can do pretty much anything and just smile at each other and have fun with it...

When it did get romantic last time, it sort of just felt right, and it all happened naturally. Though when we meet now, it isn't quite there I feel. I can't just turn around and suddenly caress her or snog her either. Where I grew up guys were usually seen as pigs if they tried to get intimate with a girl, whereas if the girls tried to initiate it was ok.

Sometimes it's just as if we are together, but then we aren't we're just...friends I suppose, well, that's what I don't know. I don't know what we are. She could be going out with someone else for all I know. Perhaps that's why she hasn't invited me back on visit either...

She doesn't seem too keen when I mention that she can come and see me, but she'll be wanting to meet up a bit closer to her, about midway between us. And when I ask if she wants to meet up she's usually too busy, but then all of a sudden she's got time anyway and we meet up the week after or so, though it's not very often that we meet at all, unfortunately.

Though we met a couple of weeks ago for an evening out, I haven't received a letter for a little while, but she's texted me saying how much she's appreciated getting mine in that time, and sends me small messages on how she's enjoying the nature for instance where she is at different times.

Appreciating all you replies. Thanks...makes a big difference to me...

[eloise]

i'm not sure but it makes me wonder if she's already in a relationship - and she's using you as an escape....