Nice guys finish last... - Love Forum

Chaos312 · #1 (**permalink**) 06-09-03, 12:11 PM

Hey first time here, found this earlier, and i have a question.

When a girl sees me they see 'a nice guy' now i never thought this was really a bad thing except that girls always 'just want to be friends'. I have 1 very good friend who is a girl, and 3 or so others who only want to be friends. Now that isn't usually a problem except i started talking to these girls because i was interested in more than just being friends. It sucks, when any girl you are interested in just wants to be friends and says...Oh, your such a nice guy. That makes me just say 'well shit' in my head lol. Dunno if this makes any sense but i just wanna get input from other people about what they think about 'nice guys' getting girls. I hear from people that you should just be yourself around a girl and if they are interested they'll show it. Well ya...any advice would be appreciated.

Illusional · #2 (**permalink**) 06-09-03, 02:49 PM

well that all depends on what type of girl you are looking for. some girls are really shy and don't care for the adventurous type while on the other hand, there are girls that love the excitement of bad boys. just be yourself and girls will like you for who you are. you just have to figure out what type of girl you want. raverboy

Zekk_T_Strife · #3 (**permalink**) 06-09-03, 03:45 PM

I'm considered one of your typical "nice guys" by a lot of people. I'm the guy to talk to when something's wrong, to get advice from, to confide in, to make you feel safe. I've never had a substancial relationship in my entire life. I agree with the "nice guys finish last" phrase whole-heartedly.

Top Fella · #4 (**permalink**) 06-09-03, 03:58 PM

I dunno whether it's purely the 'nice guy' thing but perhaps the sort of vibes you give off...

I probably fit into the category...I seem to be attracted to girls who really like me but they don't want to take it further for whatever reason...(See my religious thread)...

The problem arises when they have already discounted you (as far as you can tell) but want to tell you things about themselves or things that have happened in the past or problems they have now...This is so hard when you feel an emotional attachment..you want to be there for them and help them out, but because you will probably never be close to them in the way you want you end up beating yourself up.

The thing is with me is that it both girls I'm attracted to and one's I'm very much not do exactly the same..which is very frustrating.

I've had stalker and hanger-on problems in the past...where I've tried to be friendly but then they have taken it too far..I wanna help people out but I can't be a crutch for them...

I just seem to attract the type and looks of girl that I'm not interested in and I just can't but my finger on exactly why...I'm not bad looking, I'm friendly, these days a pretty open person, though I do have some unresolved issues of my own (but who hasn't?)..So perhaps it is the nice guy thing but I do believe I must give out the wrong vibe or signal as well.

ineedsomespace · #5 (**permalink**) 06-09-03, 07:34 PM

I too have always felt that I fall into the nice guy category. I've never been entirely confident when it comes to talking to a girl I like about what I actually feel for her; so intead I try to strike up a friendship which is the next best thing.

I think this is the problem. It's a lot easier to become a friend than it is to become a boyfriend, so the girl in question assumes that that's all YOU are interested in.

Having said all of that, the right girl DID come along for me, and when she did it was easy for both of us to get together because we both knew it was going to work. Time will tell for everyone.

Top Fella · #6 (**permalink**) 06-09-03, 07:43 PM

I hear what your saying but I'm not sure they all assume that's all your interested in..I think a lot of it comes does from them and perhaps as guys we give off certain signals that when they come back to us from them we misread and then think somethings there that isn't...

And equally I feel that I've put myself in positions I shouldn't have with regards to girls I wasn't interested in but wanted to help...and that's always a bad idea.

Thing is from my situation (and I've got a lot of other stuff going on in my head at the mo as well) it has clarifeid the type of person I want to spend time with...it just happens that this time it probably never go beyond friendship

Meiso · #7 (**permalink**) 07-09-03, 12:08 AM

Yeah... I'm a nice guy. I also act myself. I won't change the way I am to fit the slot of certain type of person.

All that I've learned is that a lot of women don't deserve the nice guy... And when they get tossed aside by the bad guys I don't really feel all that sorry for them.

Zekk_T_Strife · #8 (**permalink**) 07-09-03, 02:55 AM

I think any guy that cares enough to frequent this forum is probly going to be a nice guy. Your typical guy doesn't care enough to come here and help and be helped with emotional issues.

Illusional · #9 (**permalink**) 07-09-03, 04:19 AM

muhahahaha, i'm one of those bad people that you'll meet

raverboy

Chaos312 · #10 (**permalink**) 07-09-03, 04:36 AM

thanks for the replies, gives me something to think on.

DuckyWucky · #11 (**permalink**) 09-09-03, 09:02 AM

Nice guys do finish last. It's something that's been apparent for like, ever. Girls say they want a sweet guy and blah blah blah, but they don't know what the hell they want. I guess you can tell that I've been through the, "friends" category, based on me sounding a bit bitter.

Girls want to date outlaw bikers, but marry the nice guys. Rather than elaborate more, visit this website and consult the ladder theory. It's all you'll ever need to know about this subject.

www.intellectualwhores.com

Chaos312 · #12 (**permalink**) 10-09-03, 12:12 PM

well that sucks lol. I'll get over it like i do everything else. I'm happy with my life even if i do lack much luck with girls. Maybe i'll just become a badass or something lol...or not...

Ladies' fan · #13 (**permalink**) 11-09-03, 01:46 AM

I agree wholeheartedly, nice guys absolutely *do* finish last, if at all. The key is to avoid becoming her friend--at all costs.

When you meet a girl you like, go straight to the business after a brief chat: ask for her home number. In other words, you must "close" her. When you call, make a date and get off the line.

Why? Because you *must* avoid becoming her friend/confidante. If you become her friend, there's no going back; it's like becoming a lawyer and then deciding that you actually wanted to be a surgeon. It usually cannot be done.

I learnt it the hard way. It's counterintuitive, which is why most guys, myself included, get it wrong.

I hope this helps.

Ladies' fan.

Chaos312 · #14 (**permalink**) 11-09-03, 05:49 AM

thanks, good info. Doesn't exactly fit my personality cause i like to chat but that is what i thought all along. Make the girl crazy about you, not you crazy about her =P

Zekk_T_Strife · #15 (**permalink**) 11-09-03, 04:18 PM

Sounds like a system to avoid emotional attachment for the goal of physical intimacy. Not really sure that solves any of the concerns with looking for love.