Fallen for a religious girl...your views?

[Top Fella]

Hiya,

First post..so plz be gentle

I've recently become very attracted to a girl at a place where I work...it was a slow burn sort of thing, not instant at all..in fact it took a year for me to really notice her...

I'd have to say it was her personality that came first and then
the looks...but everything totally fits together..and I feel really strongly about her.

Anyway..we get on very well, have nice chats and everything and I felt a real connection with her...therefore I decided not to dwell too long (like guys can)..so I took an opportunity to ask her out after a long conversation and she said that she didn't want to lead me on and was looking for a long term relationship with a Christian but we could go out as pals...

This kind of did and didn't surprise me as I knew she was pretty religious (but I didn't know to what extent) but she'd had a few full on relationships in the past and isn't the type to bible bash or not go out and party....

She really wants to be good mates and we've been out since but it's made really think about myself, life, faith at a time when I've been examining my life pretty closely anyway. Thing is I was brought up as Christian but moved away from it like many people in their teens...but I know I'm fundamentally a good decent person...and I'm looking to really get in touch with this side of me...

I already have my own beliefs about the meaning of life and wouldn't want to be pushed into anything that I was dubious about...but I do believe there is something, in some form out there...

Well I haven't seen her for a few weeks as she's been on holiday and I haven't been working there recently...but in this time and after thinking about stuff I've really have fallen for her...

Obviously I don't want to set myself up for serious heartbreak and I'm not a fool but I genuinely feel there could be something between us given the chance on all sides..

When I look into her eyes I see real beauty and warmth and want to talk to her for hours and it's something that has come from absolutely nowhere...but it's exactly what I've been looking for...

I'm not looking for a some sort cheap, purely lust based relationship but something strong and mentally bound..which is why I think things could be great between us...

So I know we're gonna be pals but I would love it to be more...I'm not going to pester her or anything..but be there for her and try to get to know her more and more... I can't wait to see her next week as there's so much I want to talk about with her but I'll have to see what develops

Someone has suggested to me that I ask her about her faith as she's quite open about but I don't want to come over as nosey or scary or make her think I'm doing it purely to be close to her...

I always believe you meet and become friends with people for a reason...and I have to find what the reason is here and see what path it takes...If it is the case that we can spend lots of time together as mates then that's better than nothing...but I do live in hope here.

Sorry for the long length of this post...thx for your time in reading it..

So plz post your thoughts/advice/questions from whatever perspective...as it all helps...

[Zekk_T_Strife]

I've kinda had a similar situation to this but I found I couldn't be with someone with beliefs so strong that I didn't agree with at all. But in your case I think it's great that you feel this kind of connection. I think it would be a good idea to have a heart to heart and find out all about her faith and really get close, be that great friend. Sometime relatively soon after you could probably be open about your feelings and intentions as well. I'm sure she would appreciate your honesty and who knows what could happen. Keep me updated and good luck.

[Top Fella]

Thanks for your reply Zekk, much appreciated...

I'm gonna try and do that...but like I said I don't want to spook her or deceive her in anyway.

I know if she finds the sort of guy she wants or fits in with her criteria I probably would initially be jealous. But I know because of the way I feel about her that I'd want her to be happy and find the sort of relationship she wants even if it means I'm not in the frame.

So I'm going to ask her out as a pal (got some tickets for something coming through) this week and then see afterwards where the conversation leads...I don't want to push anything or to obviously set out to her what I want to talk about...Really I need to just catch up to start with..

My concern is that I have in the past perhaps I shot myself in the foot with regards to talking religion as I admit I do have issues with the conduct of organised religions as a whole and the effect they can have on people and society...

I'd like her to see more of the real person that maybe isn't overly apparent in the workplace where I can put up a front and act differently to outside..

She's having a party v.soon..and I'll be going which means I'll learn a lot more about the way she is with all guys in a informal social situation...it could make things very clear to me.

I guess I'd just like a chance with her...and it might be a case for paitence and getting to know each other better...I know I'm prone to pushing to quickly to get results..but I don't want to burn my bridges completely...

The fact is she's made it clear what she wants...I wish I'd reacted better at the time rather than sort of accepting to her that I wasn't that person...but guys have pride and if you get a turn down your not going to go ahead and make it instantly worse for yourself by digging a deeper hole...

To be honest whatever happens the upshot may be that I have to quickly move on..

I hope not because I can see us becoming the sort of friends that she ideally wants..if sadly not lovers..

More soon...

[Top Fella]

Saw for the first time today in over a month...and I felt nervous...didn't come over that well...she said she was busy when I asked her to something that was coming up in the week...maybe an excuse..really don't know.

Having spoken to people..I'm pretty sure I'm just going to have to just watch from afar..be the best friends I can with her...talk about her religious views (obviously outside thwe work place, and if I can point a conversation in that direction) and see where it leads..I'm really all over the place with my beliefs at the moment...I feel I need just some guidance from some place

I know I mustn't push or pester her...I think her minds been long made up...From what I can gather she's had non-Christian relationships and they've never worked out, that's why she wants a Christian based one now..

I just pray if we really do talk she may see me in a different light if she takes the time to really get to know me...

I live in hope...

[Top Fella]

Through some rather nosey detective work of a friend I've learned it's never gonna happen...My worry now is that this may have damaged the chance of a really good friendship..and we'll only be friends on a low 'work' level...also I made a right fool of myself in her company at the weekend...

Overall - Gutted

[Calgacus]

I am sorry to hear that Top Fella. I don't want to encourage you to chase phantoms...but a woman's heart is not something that one can usually get to the heart of through gossip. Nothing will tell you more about her feelings towards you than personal engagement with her.

[Top Fella]

Thing is I've seen 'written evidence' that proves it's extremely unlikely to ever happen...unless a little miracle comes along

I still knows she likes me though...