My New Love... help - Love Forum

ashnic · #1 (**permalink**) 22-09-03, 03:06 AM

This is pretty long but i need some help...

Im 18 years old, i really dont know how old others are on this site but i know thats too young to actually "fall in love" but i feel otherwise.. Now i wish to share with you my story and see if you can help me with it.

I just got out of a 4 year relationship about 2 weeks ago and have no plans on going back to it, mainly because there was nothing but arguing in that relationship and felt no need in it for the rest of my life! So im happy being single when me and my best friend "P" (who is 29) talk about his soon to be divorced wife, we actually realize how much we 1) have in common, 2) everything we want in life are the same 3) that we have feelings for each other. I recieved a letter from him that reads this....

I LOVE YOU in so many ways and for so many reasons, because you know me and understand me , like no one else ever could. You believe in my dreams ......the way that I believe in yours. You listen to my problems and help me when I need support. You have completely changed my life for the better and I thank GOD everyday for sending someone so SPECIAL to me . Most of all for your Friendship and LOVE. You bring out the best in me Ashley .....and I love you for it !!

I honestly thought that LOVE had past me by ...and then you came into my life . You and I belong together !!! I cannot wait until we can be together spirtually , sexually, and emotionally ...............TOGETHER AS ONE .

What else can I say:
I love you

at this point i realize that he is the one i love.. and would love to be with for the rest of my life...

I know that he is married and i know for a fact that i will not do anyting with him untill he gets divorced

well here are the problems:

1) he is 11 years older than me, still is married (soon to be divorced), and has 2 children that i absolutely love and we bond very well *which when he gets divorced none of this will bother me*

2) my parents might not approve of the fact that 1) he has kids 2) that he is so much older than me.. their whole view is that he wants only one thing from me... and i doubt we can change that

(my parents are actually the only problem that will be in our relationship)

If we do decide to date, how should i go about this... what are some of the rights/ wrongs of this relationship

please help

ASHNIC

Oh i had forgotten to mention that they are in no way getting a divorce because of me!, They have had major problems before i ever came into the picture

thanks for anyhelp

jane · #2 (**permalink**) 22-09-03, 07:05 AM

wow, your right. Your are in way deeper then me. I have to say that I think that you should, what ever you decide, take this VERY slow. He is vunerable. I am shure he has been married for awhile, and having the "freedom" to get back into dating may change for him. I am sure he loves you, but lets face it, he is a guy. He has the chance to have relationships now. How long have you know him? How long has this been going on? You said you just ended a relationship, was it because of your feelings for him?
Being attracted to a married man has some hidden issues as well. I have read tht women, and I enclude me in this group, that get envolved with married men, don't know what they really want, so getting invoved with some one youcan't have subconciously gives them an escape.
Honestly, I have no idea what this all means for me. It's basic. The man is hot that is why I am attracted to him. I am not in "it" as deep as you.
How do you really feel about your relationship with him? Being 18 doesn't mean anything if your in love.
Jane

jane · #3 (**permalink**) 22-09-03, 07:09 AM

Ps. If you look at past posts, I am the one who wrote in about an attractiion to my boss. (He is the one I am writing about!)

ashnic · #4 (**permalink**) 22-09-03, 09:48 AM

We talked for a loooooooooong time today about everything... he told me that he had done things before his wife*dating* and he didnt want to go off and date anymore... he said that he has never ever felt this way about anyone but me.

Him and his wife got married only because they "had to", she got pregnant so he did the "manly" thing and married her.. he said only to find out that it was a big mistake, both of their parents
hate the kids, and the inlaws. So their marrige i guess was not meant to be

See i have known him for about 4-5 months and we hang out every weekend, we are both into cars and stuff like that so we either go out to our racing track or the local "drag" or just cruise down the street

Being as he is my best friend we talk all the time.. and we have talked about EVERYTHING.

i have fallen "head over heals" in love with him. i love EVERYTHING about him

I just dont know what to do about my parents .. if someting does happen.. how do i bring it up? what if they dont like it? me and my parents have a relationship but i am the only child and they will hardly let me talk to guys on the phone rather than get in a strong relationship with an older man

lol.. i dont know what to do...

ASHNIC

peshkunta · #5 (**permalink**) 22-09-03, 02:01 PM

Hey Ashnic,

I don't wanna ruin your happiness in any way, but I think you should listen to your parents. I think you are love-blind right now and nothing anyone says against it would make much sense. I do also think he is too old for you. I'm 26 (http://www.members.aol.com/ilievbub/...iev/index.html) and I think I'm way too old for you, let alone 29. I also don't like his letter where he talks about sex. That could imply insincere feelings. When I'm in love with a girl, the last thing on my mind is to have sex with her. Just holding and kissing her hand is enough for me.

I think you should do whatever you decide, but I can give you 99.9% that this relationship won't work/last. For real, listen to your parents, one day you'll realize that they were right. I have been 18 before, and I know what it feels like to know that you are right, but now I see how wrong I was and wish I had listened to my parents - they have lived through it, they have made mistakes and learned.

ashnic · #6 (**permalink**) 23-09-03, 03:37 AM

See the deal is is that i dont care about the age! And i also told him that i wouldnt do anything sexually unless we got "Serious" so im not worried about any of that...

i still dont know about my parents ... i have not told them anything and i am sure they wont like it at first becuase he is older but i think that once they find out that he doesnt want only one thing from me they will love him, but untill that point..im lost..

jane · #7 (**permalink**) 23-09-03, 10:31 AM

Your parents are worried about you. After all, you are an only child and they are trying to look out for you. YOu have to understand that he may not just have you in his life. There may be more. I know you hang out with him but the trust thing is a big issue.
My advice is to take every day slow and when the time is right and you and him have become more intimatily involved, then talk to them . Tell them everything. they sound like they just want whats bests for you! Sorry if I have lame advice. I have no idea what's going on with my life
LOL
Jane

TremblingBluSta · #8 (**permalink**) 23-09-03, 11:34 AM

Don't take this the wrong way, but I'm envious of you. I've been searching for a decade for my "soul mate", or at the very least a woman who will tolerate me!

It sounds like you've found what you are looking for.

I don't believe age is a major issue. Sure, there is a difference in maturity, but at 18 you are an adult. The problem with teenagers today is they are so pampered by their parents and society that by 18 - again, when they should be an adult, they still act like children.

If you feel you are on the same maturity level as he is, or at least close, I say go for it!

As for the parents, do you live with them? If so, that may be a problem.