Whats up with some guys lately?

[Ellynn]

Trust me I thought about ditching him after that first time I asked him. He told me to relax and just "go with the flow" and that he wanted to see me a few more times before commiting into a relationship. I could see his point of view at the time....although I wasn't the happiest about it. I still figured I would give him a chance. I just wasn't used to sex being involved so early on without being in a committed relationship. I mean we didn't have sex every time we saw each other after that......just once or twice for that month. I guess I tried to convince myself to not be so uptight about it. But the min I realized I couldn't do that anymore I let him know..and thats when things ended. I mean I gave him the opportunity for more and he chose not to take it....
And so I guess I've learned my lesson.....

You're a smart girl, Ellynn.

[RoxyFoxy]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ellynn

Trust me I thought about ditching him after that first time I asked him. He told me to relax and just "go with the flow" and that he wanted to see me a few more times before commiting into a relationship. I could see his point of view at the time....although I wasn't the happiest about it. I still figured I would give him a chance. I just wasn't used to sex being involved so early on without being in a committed relationship. I mean we didn't have sex every time we saw each other after that......just once or twice for that month. I guess I tried to convince myself to not be so uptight about it. But the min I realized I couldn't do that anymore I let him know..and thats when things ended. I mean I gave him the opportunity for more and he chose not to take it....
And so I guess I've learned my lesson.....

Go with the flow sounds alot like, let's just keep having sex. But then you told me that he didn't respond at all. Maybe you might have come off as a whore, since you two were actually not even dating and you ended up having sex. Maybe he saw this as a bad thing, and thought that if you are that easy to have sex with, you might end up being like his ex, and cheating on him again.

[Ellynn]

I was very clear about what I wanted....a relationship from the beginning. He however was unclear. I do blame myself for letting us have sex happen..... I could have said no. So I can't blame him 100%. I guess in a way I felt misled because he acted like he was looking for a relationship when in reality he wasn't. Or maybe he is but just not with me.

He knew I haven't been with alot of guys. I told him that he was only the 3rd person I slept with..and he was surprised...but its the truth. I even told him about a relationship I had just a few months before him and I got together that I didnt have sex with the guy at all. He was surprised by that as well. So he knew about all this before we even had sex. He knew I had waited until I was 20 to have sex to begin with. He also knew that the other two guys I slept with were long term relationships and that it didnt happen right away.

He also made the comment that getting in a relationship would be hard because he is gonna be done with school soon and will be getting a full time job and will probably be working alot and we wouldnt get to see each other much. Personally I think they were excuses because if you really like someone you can make it work. That is what helped me make my decision. I figure if a guy won't put forth the effort to try to make things work.....when I am....then its not gonna work.

[Ekips]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ellynn

He also made the comment that getting in a relationship would be hard because he is gonna be done with school soon and will be getting a full time job and will probably be working alot and we wouldnt get to see each other much. Personally I think they were excuses because if you really like someone you can make it work. That is what helped me make my decision. I figure if a guy won't put forth the effort to try to make things work.....when I am....then its not gonna work.

Yup, fully agree. As this thread name says: What's up with SOME guys lately. You can't honestly expect all guys to be fully compatible with every girl...

[Ellynn]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ekips

Yup, fully agree. As this thread name says: What's up with SOME guys lately. You can't honestly expect all guys to be fully compatible with every girl...

Of course. I certainly don't. I'm not saying all men are like this particular guy.....but I have talked to other guys as well lately and I have noticed a pattern with them not wanting a relationship. Doesn't mean I believe all men are like that. Just haven't met one lately that wants a relationship.

[Ekips]

Well, good guys are hard to find. It's simple. As good girls are hard to find. That's why love is so important. It's hard to find.

[Innova]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ellynn

Of course. I certainly don't. I'm not saying all men are like this particular guy.....but I have talked to other guys as well lately and I have noticed a pattern with them not wanting a relationship. Doesn't mean I believe all men are like that. Just haven't met one lately that wants a relationship.

I do, I do...I miss a really good relationship... lol

[Ellynn]

And so.......he started talking to me online last nite and was telling me how busy he was with school etc. He said hes done in like two weeks. I was like thats cool....
I asked him if he was seeing anyone and he told me hes just been too busy. He also said that once he gets done with school then he will think about women and a relationship etc. He also expressed to me that hes afraid because now that his career is gonna be starting that girls who only want a man with money will come around. He told me how alot of girls are gold diggers and he wants a girl to stick around no matter what his money situation is. I explained to him that I could care less about a guy who makes alot of money.....but I do want a guy with futuristic goals and who doesn't mooch off of me. I told him how I always believed it should be 50/50.....

Honestly I would feel weird if a guy was constantly buying me things while we were dating and I would feel obligated to try to match him etc. I think its nice when its something thats done without persuasion......but when its all the time and its expected thats just wrong. I told him this as well.

He asked me if I was seeing anyone and honestly I have been talking to someone....and I kinda told him about it. He was like......well I know you backed off when it came to us....and I respect your decision. I told him how we were in two different places right now and I wanted a relationship where he wasn't ready for that. He said he wants one but once school is done. He also told me I didn't give him enough time to see if a relationship was a possibility for us. I admitted I didn't.....but since we were having sex....I thought things were going a bit fast and I told him this. I mean while we were seeing each other it was like roughly a month. We had sex twice. WE saw each other like once a week due to our crazy schedules. I explained to him that even though I went along with it.....it kinda freaked me out having sex right away without being in an actual relationship. He said he understood and he respects my decision....about doing what was best for me by ending things when we were at two different places.

He was hinting (last nite) at giving a relationship a shot w/ me....once school was done for him. (which is the end of the month). I mean we still talk online as friends and I was kinda like....um...i don't know. He knows very well what I want and I don't know if hes just like messing with my mind by saying there could be a possibility soon. Should I give him a chance and just hang out with him and get to know him better....w/o having sex? I mean it will be tempting since we have been there and done that......but I think if I put my mind to it I could hold off until we are actually together. Or should I just forget him and move on? I know if I were in his situation and I had just a little bit to go before school was done....that would be my first priority as well. So I guess I kinda understand why he didn't want to commit right away.... The past month and this month have been hectic.......so I see now why he put that first. But the good thing is its almost over with...and he graduates the beginning of Sept from the ITT Technical college by us.

The other guy I am talking to is just a friend from online. There could be more but him and I don't have alot in common. If I do meet this guy it would be as friends first anyways... Honestly Im not putting alot of thought into dating him due to some of our personality differences and disagreements about certain things. I honestly think hes better friend material....

What should I do?

[misombra]

i say hang out with him and get to know him and hang out without having sex until he's ready to agree to be monogamous with you.

I agree with 'sombra.

[Innova]

I agree with tone agreeing with sombra, because I thought it was cool to agree, but just as well agree cause I believe it's right.

[shh!]

Even though I haven't kept up with this thread, and have no idea what you are talking about, I want to jump on the bandwagon and agree with Innova agreeing with Tone who is agreeing with Misombra, who is always right anyway.
:-D

[misombra]

i agree with shh!

I agree with 'sombra.