Help With Relationship Please!

[Ruro_Jiruries]

Hey all, sorry if you hate this stuff, newb members barging in, don't obey particular Forum Etiquette and stuff... but frankly I'm totally mystified with my relationship, that I'm willing to take the risk of being flamed :/

I will try and make this simple (and usually when I say that I write an essay, but I promise I will trim it down as much as I can...)

Okie... 2 years ago I met a girl online called Amandine (infact she added me via MSN randomly, cause she saw I liked a particular anime she liked), anyway, for a year we were friends (although she loved me without telling me for the second half of that year), which at the same time I was suffering some personal problems and wasn't nasty... but wasn't nice to her either, she was quite bothersome with how I was feeling most the time, so our relationship came to a stand still...

Anyway, when that depression of mine finaly passed, I realised I was going slowly back into it again because things happened... and I sorta just put me back at the start without solving anything. But whilst I was remotely happy, I realised I may have fallen in love with her because she finaly poured her heart out and said she loved me! I also realised meeting my penpal Amandine might just help me ALOT. I would escape England (my country), all my pressures of college and stuff, and... the week I spent with her was PERFECT, absolutely perfect, and I was convinced I was in love... the next few months (March till about July), we chatted alot on MSN, with the webcams, and we really enjoyed it all...

Then the past month or so thingss sorta changed, I felt my love wasn't as strong anymore, and I was beginning to wonder if I was ever actually in love or not. The first time I visited... sure I met her, but I also fixed my entire life at the same time, so that was an incredible relief, along with the release of my stress, it was like a dream, so I think maybe love wasn't love, but... just great relief or something crazie ~_~ I'm not sure.

Anyway... I visited her last month (August), from the 13th-27th... and frankly it was a nice time :/ That's it... we were much closer... physically... but emotionally I just wasn't that effected...
First time I visited, i cried on the plane on the way back, then the next day... this time one tear was shed when I was leaving her at the airport... and that was it! *sighs* She started school today, and she says she will only be online FOUR hours a week... frankly *and sorry if this sounds really insensetive* but I don't care... I think I am getting tired of her, I am getting tired of her endless silly arguements (god, earlier today was ridiculous, got all upset because I HAD to practise my piano for a lesson tomorow)...

And you know, I don't think I love her anymore, if the love ever EXISTED at ALL! Christ... with the way things are, I don't think the love is there... I wish we could break up, and remain friends, but knowing her history, I'm afraid to do just that.
Before she met me, a French guy in her school became her boyfriend, they were really happy... then he suddenly starts ignoring her, and eventually walks out on her, because she was too much hassle for him... "high maintenance" I agree ¬_¬ Anyway, this happened early in the days when we first met, when I started having issues, and not being that in kind to her, she started considering... doing something that would be EXTREMELY detrimental to her health to say the least... except she managed to hang in there and wait for me to recover.

How do I know if I leave her... she won't accept being friends, and do something... <i>stupid</i>? Frankly, the thought of losing her worries me (like you would with any friend), and I don't want her out of my life... just... I think she has just been a really good friend all this time... and I'm not sure she will understand <b>ALL OF THIS</b> I just said.

Infact... I will be astonished if anyone reads all this >_<;; Let alone understanding it, I generally have deplorable sentence structuring, so I apologize in advance for that, and THANK YOU in advance, for even taking the time ot read this, even if you don't reply!

And for the record, yes there is another girl in England that I have for the past month or so... been interested in, but it's not affecting us... just... I can't handle Amandine, frankly she is too much for me or something :/ ANY help is appreciated on this matter... thank you.

By the way... I guess my question on a whole is...
Do I Love Her?
If Not, Do I Break Up And Hope For The Best?

Deepest Regards,
Ruro

[Lloyd95]

ah, cliff notes version?

[Ruro_Jiruries]

Uh... expand on your post, because I am clueless as to what Cliff notes is >_<;;

Thankyou for a reply though...

[Lloyd95]

Oh. It was kind of a joke. Your post looked a little long; "Cliff Notes" are a synopsis of a book. Could you paraphrase? Nevermind, I'll read it.....talk to you tomorrow...

[Ruro_Jiruries]

Huh? oh god! No you don't have to :/ And no sarcasm present, there are loads of members here, if you can help 10 others in the time it takes to help me, I understand ^_^ Seriously... no sarcasm, I can't stress enough how sarcastic this can seem, but judging from the way you wrote, you aren't looking forward to the read >_<;;

So don't worry yourself on it, perhaps some one else is a little more keen ^_^ Thank you still though if you choose to read!

And sorry, I tried to make paragraphs, maybe they are a little long ~_~ My apologies again!

[Lloyd95]

Oh shit, you seem to nice, now I feel guilted into reading it.

[Ruro_Jiruries]

lol, and that intention never actually crossed my mind ~_~

Anyway, I think i had better stop replying to you now, might get banned for spamming before I know it ~_~ (which is not my intention either)

Don't worry, it can wait easily I can think some more myself in the mean time (despite you don't think in your sleep [atleast not perhaps the way you do conciously!])

EDIT: My deepest apologies for breaking the Second Forum Rule of this sub-forum's guidelines! Yet I think prevailed on Rule 3 ^_^;; I will try and get a good balance in the future, sorry Moderators!

[TAVS]

I read it but just cause I'm home lonely on a Friday night. You dont love her. You have to break up with her and hope for the best. Let her know you dont want to lose the friendship. If she tries something stupid, it's not your fault. A man's gotta do what I man's got to do.

[Ellynn]

I think when your online talking to someone.....you tend to get caught up in things and even though you are talking to the person....its not face to face.....so its not like you are around each other constantly....

I think once you met....it was ok....but when you spent all this time with her recently....you realized that this is not the girl for you. You said yourself she is high maintainence.

I know your worried about losing her as a friend if you break things off. But you need to be true to yourself. You need to do it...becuz in the long run your gonna hurt her even more. I mean its mainly an online thing right? Plus she will be busy with school....so really its not gonna change much.

Just be nice about it when you break things off with her....but also be honest. Let her know that you don't think its gonna work because of the distance thing....and also because she will be busy with school. Also let her know that you just don't feel anymore then friendship with her.....and thats it. Just say that when you guys hung out and you visited her.....you realized it.

Be honest, firm, and nice about it. It is possible. You cannot live your life to constantly please others when it makes you unhappy.

[Ruro_Jiruries]

Thankyou TAVS and Ellynn for your replies.

I know I can't continue like this with her, pains me as I write this thinking of the moment and possible consequences... I will wait a while though, since we are supposed to be resolving an argument today that we had earlier ~_~

"I mean its mainly an online thing right?" - Pretty much, I sometimes spend my entire weekends talking to her, giving up all my activities.... guess that's when we were just "close friends" though, I know it has happened with many other online contacts...

I will tell her soon though... I will try and get it out right, and stay calm, try and make her use logic before her emotion to depict her actions for once ~_~ If she "runs", I will Email her... hopefuly not the final touch of communication though :/

Thank you SO MUCH, for you're wonderful replies so far, I will still keep an eye on this thread incase someone with similar experience adds something >_<

Again, I can't thank you ENOUGH for how much your replies mean to me!

Deepest Regards,
Ruro

EDIT: One more thing... I noticed you wrote this...
"You cannot live your life to constantly please others when it makes you unhappy" - Here is the selfishness problem... I can either give up my happiness to please her.. although in a way it is a false life for both of us... wait, never mind, I retract this, you're right ~_~ Life is so unfair, I will have to be more careful with relationships in the future it seems... although not long ago this seemed destined to work, what a **** life is...

[Ellynn]

Yeah life can suck. You want to be caring and kind to others....but when it brings you down that you are CONSTANTLY doing it....then its really not worth it. Its not genuine. Sometimes its ok to be selfish.....when it comes to certain things. I mean you cannot fake your feelings for someone..(well you can..but eventually its bound to come out) and you will just make each other miserable.

I mean yeah sometimes you have to make sacrafices to please others.....as courtesy.....but when it comes to someone you are dating and if your not really into it....dont fake it. Your actually doing both you and her a favor by being honest with yourself.

[Diablo]

High maintenence women are royal pains in the butt. Bail out now while it's easy. You might lose her friendship, but that's her choice if she makes it. A woman is supposded to be a respite from life's bs, not the person who shovels the most of it on you.

[Ruro_Jiruries]

Christ, it's beginning to really hit me now... I'm beginning to think it's all wrong, I look at my wall right now and I see a whole load of drawings Amandine has done for me... and I don't want it to end anymore, it's going to be ridiculously painful...

I'm lost now, I'm not sure friendship is enough anymore... is this normal?!

I don't wanna be caught in one of those bs drama series things of "I love you too much to let you go" despite how much a pain she is :/ Then again I still don't want to be her boyfriend responsibility wise... perhaps I'm subconsiously afraid of losing her as a friend, and I don't realise it... this is so pathetic, how on Earth could anyone fall in love again after something like this, I find hard to believe...

[Ellynn]

I think you like the idea of her more then her. You said yourself she annoys the heck out of you. Plus she lives really far away....and you've visited her what? Twice? Now shes gonna be busy with school......you wont be able to talk as much(and I believe you said you didn't care). I think you are afraid of losing the idea of her and her friendship.....more then losing her as a gf.

You need to be a man about this! (Funny I say that cuz Im a woman) But you are totally settling for someone for the wrong reasons. You don't want to hurt her, you find her annoying but you think maybe it could work, you like having her as a friend....... But I don't see you actually telling us that you LIKE HER for just being HER.

News flash: There are other women out there that you will probably find yourself just as OR EVEN MORE compatable with. Don't settle....just to please her or others. If you want to be with her..be with her for the right reasons.......PLEASE.

[Ruro_Jiruries]

Well, I stayed up all night chatting to that other girl ~_~ She is excellent company and funny :/ And some other guy who is alright...

Anyway... I think I will tell her the best moment I get... thank you... I'll tell you how I get on when I'm done...

Sorry this is short and snappy, I just don't feel like a big post right now :/ Wish me luck (please don't all post in return wishing me luck >_<;