Physical VS Mental attraction

[Reverb]

Hello! I am badly in need of advice. I have a huge problem.
(aren't all love problems huge?)
Anyway, I meet a girl on an online dating site, who I seem to have a lot in with, but I don't contact her right away, there is also pic in which she looks fairly cute. Within two days she has contacted me, and we share a few E-mails. Then we end up talking for hours and hours on the phone, over a period of a week or so sharing our deepest feelings, and experiences. We decide we want to meet immediately, and Mentally I don't think I've ever been more in tune with anyone before (including my Ex wife.)
So I drive out to meet her, and here's where the problem starts. I've always had a problem with heavier girls, and she has more than a few extra pounds, but I'm determined not to be shallow, because I feel we are sharing a genuine connection, and we have so much in common. In short we end up hanging out, then making out, then well you can probably guess...
The problem I have is that I'm just not physically attracted to her. Mentally she is all I could ever hope for from a girlfriend. I want so badly for it not to matter, I'm hoping in time I can get over it, but the problem with that is if I can't, then I could end up causing her a lot of pain later, and I really don't want that. The problem with telling her now is that we've already had sex, so she's going to think I'm making some lame excuse, and I care too much about her at this point. I WANT it to work out!
I guess my question is do you think a relationship can succeed based almost solely on mental attraction?
Is a need for physical attraction shallow, or actually valid?
I know I'm an idiot already so no need to tell me....

[RSK]

I am probably the LAST guy you want advice from right now - but your gonna get in anyway. Maybe it's just your luck that I'm not busy this evening - thank your lucky stars - do whatever, because it's not everyday that I give QUALITY advice to people here - consider yourself one in a million.

Okay, Sonny Boy, I'm gonna give it to you plain and simple:

FOLLOW YOUR HEART - Love Just Is - If you feel it - then go with it!

By the way - why don't you both go exercise or something - that way you both could get into shape! Yay!

[justonekiss]

I'm not in the best of shape for my size. I guess you couldn't exactly call me fat, as I more have a slight beer belly than anything. Best way to explain it.

Anyway, point is. My boy is an amazingly scrawny kind of guy. He's very cute, and very sexy, though I wouldn't go as far as "hot". He has dated nothing but chicks as scrawny as him. I thought that might be an impact on us, but he tells me constantly how cute he thinks my body is, when he knows I'm feeling insecure. Or he'll be talking about how some part of a skinny chick's body is, then tell me how he wouldn't want me any other way.

People can change their opinions on girls. If you truly like this girl, you will find yourself physically attracted to her soon enough. Another ex of mine was very unattractive, but after a few months I found myself thinking about how cute I thought he was.

[Late_vamp]

that IS true about RSK ... anyways

i think that if you already want to be with her no matter what and maneged to get the good deed done , then itl prob be like that , at LEAST for until you get tired of her(in a psychologocal kind of way) . then what is probably gonna happen is that you wont be attracted to her anymore and that means

1: you won't have sex anymore

2:You'll start to crave other women

3:Because you crave other women you'll probably end up cheating on her or dumping her .

so if you are ABSOLUTELY sure that you REALLY like this woman , then by all means go for it ... but if its only like ..." well i sorta like her ,yea , and we connect ...) then just save yourself & her some time and trouble and cut it loose before it even starts to become a problem.

also as a second opinion , i think that you may also think that because you only liked slimmer girls before , then you probably wont like her , but its not always the case . Sometimes you find out things that you like & and that you dint even know you did .

btw exactly how chubby or fat is she ??? is like a 5'6 foot girl that weights like 150 or is it like a 5'2 that weights like 230 pds???

[misombra]

i would hate to be with a man who did not find my physically attractive. however i will say this to you reverb... looks fade, beauty is on the inside.

[RSK]

If you wanna girl that looks good from far, but far from good: then take the advice from the post above.

I'm all about the looks - I know it's shallow, but I am who I am. Of couse - she has to have a killer personality - but looks are a MUST!

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder - and the beholder thinks your Ugly.

My advice - don't break her heart. Women need affection, they need to be told how good they look - if you can't do this naturally - then your lying to yourself, AND her.

[RSK]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Late_vamp

btw exactly how chubby or fat is she ??? is like a 5'6 foot girl that weights like 150 or is it like a 5'2 that weights like 230 pds???

HAHAHA

I was about to ask the exact same thing - about what the exact stats were, and what exactly we were talking about in terms of Size.

But I thought it would be too shallow (yes, I do have some feelings)

But nice post though!

[Reverb]

She's 5'2" and about 155 or so I guess, but she used to be very active, and hasn't been able to be the last year or so due to a physical problem which she's about to have surgery for, so her weight may very well be a temporary thing. I feel determined to take the higher ground here, but I don't want her to suffer if I fail...

[misombra]

she won't suffer as much as you will. because one day you will discover that you gave up a chance for real love because you can't accept a woman for who she is completely. if she's too fat for you then leave her alone so she can find somebody isn't so shallow.

[Reverb]

If I were truely shallow would I even be bothering in the first place? I mean everyone has some sort of hangups...

[misombra]

look, you obviously want to be with this person and for some reason you are pushing her away. i don't know, maybe you're insecure, maybe you're afraid, but you're sabotaging something that you know could be great.

now stop being such a selfish jerk.

[Reverb]

Brutally honest but sincere, thank you misombra! I wouldn't say I'm pushing her away at all. She has no Idea about my BS issues.

[misombra]

i'm sure she will find something about you that's not exactly ideal. 100 percent sure.

[RSK]

Wow - Misombra - You Go Girl!

Your fiesty! I like that in a Girl! You know what you want! Sexy!

mmmmmmmmm

Okay, I gotta go, Good Night LF

[misombra]

nighty nighty. i'm going to bed too.

reverb...people do not stay slim and sexy forever. you (yes, you) will one day be fat and bald. and you'll have a wrinkly ass.