Have i just worked it out? - Love Forum

cheazypeaz · #1 (**permalink**) 31-08-05, 06:24 AM

Hi

i think some of the reasons i have been having 'offs' and 'arguments' with my girlfriend, that generaly make me annoyed is the fact she is so indecisive. .

the problem seems to lie with the fact i never seem to get a straight answer to things, i dont feel she is telling me what she really wants to. i dont know why, but its making me feel a little messed around, and i think this is where the problem lies.

in example, all i can really say is, if i ask her if she is coming round, she will say 'dunno', if i ask her when she is going to be back home, 'dunno' . she went out earliar, said she was going out for half an hour, that was 3 and a half hours ago. yet the reason she went home was to look after her mum after some family problems? i feel a little cheated about this. as she has gone and done something else?

i respect she needs her space, she dosent need to be with me 24/7, but honesty? is that what she is lacking.. ?

Hmmm, bloody women.. LOL

Spike

Late_vamp · #2 (**permalink**) 31-08-05, 07:52 AM

i used to have the same problem , what is going on (probably) is that she's hiding something from you , something that she doesnt want you to find out most probably . but i might be wrong so ...

cheazypeaz · #3 (**permalink**) 31-08-05, 08:16 AM

like what? lol .. if she isn't cheating on me.. then i can't think of much.. except she has issues lol

Guardian · #4 (**permalink**) 31-08-05, 08:32 AM

Hmm...I've also had the same problem in past experiences before. It always seemed that my girl was constantly hiding her feelings as well as what she wanted to truly say. This contributed to the downfall of the relationship, since she kept on bottling up her feelings until one day, she decided to break up with me. It might not be the same case as yours my friend, but maybe it's just miscommunication. The number one problem in unsuccessful relationships is the cause of miscommunication...both partners or even one, cannot open their true feelings and communicate it to the other.

I think the best way to handle this situation is to sit down with her and just express what you are feeling as you have mentioned in your first post. Tell her that you feel cheated and maybe a bit insecure when she doesn't give you consistent and straight-forward answers. Maybe it'll work out unlike in my situation. My girl didn't sit down and have a chat with me...she just kept on witholding it from me and eventually her interest in me was down to nothing. Good luck with your girl!

cheazypeaz · #5 (**permalink**) 31-08-05, 05:50 PM

thanks for the advice mate. i'll try and do that, but its something awkward to talk about.

Airborne · #6 (**permalink**) 31-08-05, 06:44 PM

Lol, sounds like she is messing with ya dude, give her some time to sort things through and things will probably come right

Mishanya · #7 (**permalink**) 31-08-05, 07:41 PM

Hi cheazypeaz

Yes, i agree with Guardian. My ex had a similar issue of witholding feelings. She thought that it is a requirement of her boyfriend to be a mind reader and read her thoughts every single time (And her thoughts changed every single second which is why she could never make up her mind). I understand your frustration, especially when things come down to her breaking plans or promises why? Because she no longer feels like it, or doesn't know or hasn't made up her mind.

How old is she? My ex was 19 and i put it down to inexperience, immaturity and plain irresponsible behaviour. I never really managed to resolve my one. I just asked her to be more decisive and to not break her promises in the future (Which made her stop giving any kind of promise in the first place). I guess, try to reassure her that you will accept her decisions and her feelings and maybe in the future she will become more open and decisive to you.

Hope above helps!!!

Tone · #8 (**permalink**) 31-08-05, 10:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cheazypeaz

i respect she needs her space, she dosent need to be with me 24/7, but honesty? is that what she is lacking.. ?

That, and age.

cheazypeaz · #9 (**permalink**) 01-09-05, 03:36 AM

she is almost 18.

she never really promises alot, she will say i'll try and come over. to me this means nothing. do i sit and wait until 9pm and find out she isn't coming over, and ive stayed at home for no reason, when i could've gone out. or do i just go out and assume she wont turn up. i never know if she WILL come over or not.

she made a crappy excuse why she couldnt come over at the last minuite saying stuff like she had to tidy her room or something, and i mean.. cant she just be honest and say she dosent want to spend time with me that night. i mean really, i wont be upset, i'll just make other plans!

Spike

Late_vamp · #10 (**permalink**) 01-09-05, 03:39 AM

just go out , make it seem like shes not the whole world to you and if she cares she ll start asking questions and having more attention to you , then when you have her attention , let her know whats going on and how you feel about this .

cheazypeaz · #11 (**permalink**) 01-09-05, 03:42 AM

that dosent sound like the way i want to treat someone. i have to much respect for her i suppose. sometimes i feel that maybe im just a bit to much into it, and think that i HAVE to see her or something? maybe its my problem not hers. and she dosent want to offend me. i dunno .. bleh

Tone · #12 (**permalink**) 01-09-05, 03:42 AM

Yeah, I'd do what Late vamp says, make other plans and the second she complains say "Well you didn't say you were coming over, had you just SAID you were comin over I wouldn't have made other plans"

cheazypeaz · #13 (**permalink**) 02-09-05, 01:01 AM

ah, that makes more sense. good idea. might have to try that.

another thing i think is pissing me off, is the ammount of guys she talks to. its not an issue to me that she has friends, hell ive got loads of friends i go out with all the time, but she has alot of people she dosent know, but text her mobile.

its just kind of annoying when im sitting with her and her mobile phone goes off, and its some random person from 100 miles away saying 'hi babe what you up2' .. and i dont really know what to think, i'm kinda confused about that.

spike

justonekiss · #14 (**permalink**) 02-09-05, 01:07 AM

Another thing could be her parents. Do they have any type of a control over her? My parents did while I was still in high school, and I hated admitting to my boyfriend that I couldn't come over, or stay the night, etc because "my parents won't let me".

Late_vamp · #15 (**permalink**) 02-09-05, 01:10 AM

sounds like she's a flirt . she gives away her phone # to guys that ask for it . Basically she's a tease (unless she really does hook up with them , in that case she a lying slut ...sorry bud)