its screwed isnt it... - Love Forum

theguy · #1 (**permalink**) 03-09-05, 07:20 AM

Okay so there I was had my life planned out, no relationship no attachments, go to college, save money live my life alone. Then a girl that I have been friends with for a while began working with me, and at first i stayed away, she wanted it, but i was scared. Relationships have hurt me in the past, and i learned to stay away. Finally I give up, and go for it, we go out, have some great times together and we get attached. Then she gets scared, she had recently gotten hurt in a relationship with one of my friends months before, she didnt want to get hurt again, so it slows down alot.. then we end it for a while because of a conflict with her dad. We are going to school together and she now acts alot different around me, she refuses to show any affection, less then even before we went out. Less affection is being shown, then even when we were just friends.

Anyway I end up outside of her house, and I talk to her about it, she says she still likes me like that, but shes scared. She trusts that I wont hurt her, but says that im going to graduate and leave. She says that shes afraid shes going to hurt me again, because she already has. We talk for a long while, and I figure out she has no self confidence. She tells me that her whole life its always been about her sister, her parents love her sister. I tell her that shes worth every minute i spend, and she tells me she isnt, but i comfort her, and she tells me she wants to be with me, but shes just going to hurt me, and im just going to graduate. Then shes wanted time to think.... (i hate when people think about things, it never works out, ever, never has for me,) I try to convince her that thinking about it wont help, but eventually give in and let her have time, we hug she cries a little and I depart. The next 2 days at school are the same type of affectionless/ignoring, actions from her.

I may just be bad at taking hints, but as of right now I am really confused.. I could use any suggestions given as to what she may be trying to say, or what i should do to help this.

thanks

Airborne · #2 (**permalink**) 03-09-05, 08:10 AM

Woman, god they can screw up a perfectly good life.

To be perfectly honest this sounds like an extremely vicious cycle, shes afraid of hurting you, so she won't show affection towards you, so you cannot show her you love her, so she's afraid of being hurt by you.
A question you need to ask her:
Why she's afraid of hurting you?
If she's afraid of hurting you then this is probably because she isn't 100% sure she wants to be with you.

In a nutshell one of you needs to break this cycle. But it sounds extremely complex, and i'm not really sure of the best method for you to get back what you had together.

KE6WNH · #3 (**permalink**) 03-09-05, 08:34 AM

Take advice from someone who's been there, she doesn't care about you... just like the women I've dated never cared about me. You need to move on, as I've done.

bluestrattos · #4 (**permalink**) 03-09-05, 09:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by theguy

Okay so there I was had my life planned out, no relationship no attachments, go to college, save money live my life alone.thanks

Return to this state of your life again. It's the best you can do. You're happy, you had no worries, keep living that way. Soon or later another girl will call your attention. "Fool me once, shame on you. fool me twice, shame on me"

Ellynn · #5 (**permalink**) 03-09-05, 11:18 AM

Yeah talk about alot of back and forth.... Is it really worth it? Honestly Do what IM doing right now and just deal with other things in life. She sounds really confused about what she wants....and you know what.....it happens.

In the meantime you need to do your own thing and maybe when she gets everything figured out she will come to you.....if your still available.

theguy · #6 (**permalink**) 03-09-05, 11:24 AM

yeah.. i was afraid of the cold truth. She really isnt sure about this relationship is she.. Its a shame because im 18 still a virgin, and she was going to be the one, i had a feeling, because it had been the first girl that I really liked in 2 years and she, also a virgin, constantly talked about it. *sigh* for 2 years i completley avoided girls for they caused me stress, pain, etc. Nobody has some kind of super glue solution?

And no, im not ugly, its just hard in a town with a population of 1,121. and a school of 284

Ellynn · #7 (**permalink**) 03-09-05, 11:31 AM

IN my town alone(a suburb of Milwaukee) there is a population of over 20,000. I have a hard time... So don't feel so bad....

I'm not ugly either.....just have gotten kinda picky lately.....

Diablo · #8 (**permalink**) 03-09-05, 12:13 PM

A superglue. About the only thing that comes close is having a sense of inner contentment. Breakups don't hurt so much then. I agree with Ellynn, this girl doesn't know what she wants. Also, she's afraid of what she says she wants. You can't ride a horse if you're afraid to get on the thing and love is the same way. You have to love like you've never been hurt and people who don't do that; miss out on more than the heartaches. They miss out on most of the good stuff too.

Only-virgins · #9 (**permalink**) 03-09-05, 02:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by theguy

no relationship no attachments, go to college, save money live my life alone.

My plan is out! Now everyones using it!

Ellynn · #10 (**permalink**) 03-09-05, 02:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Only-virgins

My plan is out! Now everyones using it!

Yeah because sometimes its a good thing to do....minus the "living life alone" part....

Diablo · #11 (**permalink**) 03-09-05, 04:50 PM

I dunno; living alone ain't so bad.

Ellynn · #12 (**permalink**) 04-09-05, 01:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Diablo

I dunno; living alone ain't so bad.

Agreed......but I wouldn't want to live alone my WHOLE life.

Chlorine · #13 (**permalink**) 04-09-05, 03:24 AM

theguy----"Nobody has some kind of super glue solution?"

If we found the super glue solution, this forum would be out of business.
As for your girl, well.....the getting hurt sounds like alot of excuses. She probably wants out.

TAVS · #14 (**permalink**) 04-09-05, 06:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Diablo

I dunno; living alone ain't so bad.

Depends on the person. I'm turning 26, and have never lived alone with the exception of the past 4 months. I lived with my mom until college, lived in a dorm for 4-yrs, and then lived in apartments with my girl for another year or two. Since she left me at the end of April, I've hated every minute here living alone. I need to find me a high-maintenance girl who'll move in after a few dates. ROFL. Being alone is for the birds. Sure, I like it to a degree, but take weekends for example, I get bored. I have hobbies and such but I'm just not motivated when the TV provides company. Sad I know.

Only-virgins · #15 (**permalink**) 04-09-05, 05:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ellynn

minus the "living life alone" part....

Speak for yourself.

Quote:

Originally Posted by TAVS

Sure, I like it to a degree, but take weekends for example, I get bored. I have hobbies and such but I'm just not motivated when the TV provides company. Sad I know.

Living alone and having no friends are two different things lol. It seems like you suffer from both. I live alone and prefer to live alone as long as I can keep it up but come saturday night for example I have friends I can relax with and go places with.