Moving too fast? - Love Forum

smilingeyes · #1 (**permalink**) 05-09-05, 03:48 AM

Ok, my FWB is now my BF. Apparently he does not want to "lose" me again. (long story from about 8-9 years ago) SO we are together now and he is constantly asking me when my divorce will be final. He asking me about a lot of major decisions he is making in his life right now. He asks me if my kids could be "like" his kids. He wants to spend lots of time with my kids and me. He wants to be the one to introduce me to anything I've never done before ex: night flying, sky diving, bedroom stuff, movies, just any kind of experience that I've never had. He wants to spoil me. I am VERY not used to this kind of behavior. My soon to be ex was NEVER like this the whole 7 years we were together. This guy is already making plans for our future. He is planning on switching careers and he is asking my permission. Granted, I've known him for years, but does this seem fast to anyone? I like him a lot, but I'm not in love with him. I probably could fall in love with him but I know that kind of thing takes time. Maybe this is normal, but it has been a very long time since anyone has given me this much attention. Is this normal, or does it seem pretty fast to you?

Ellynn · #2 (**permalink**) 05-09-05, 04:10 AM

If it feels fast to you....then it probably is really going too fast. Also....do you think this is a rebound thing? I mean I see this exact situaiton happening to my friend.

She was married for 4 yrs and with the guy for 7 years. She has three kids with him and well they decided things weren't working out so they are going thru a divorce. The main reason is because he never wanted to do anything, go out, etc. Also he kinda lost interest in her sexually....and there are some other things as well.
Well while the divorce was in progress...she met this other guy who is completely the opposite of her ex. HE is outgoing......likes to do things....go places..... At first she wasn't that into him, but he showed her so much attention so she is dating him now. He talks about their future and even has a ring picked out to give her for when they get engaged. Its happening all very fast...and I truly believe shes happy.....but I question if its a rebound. I think she likes the newness so much that she isn't really thinking about who she is with....but just having a good time. NOthing wrong with that....but honestly jumping from one thing that is serious ....to another is a bit fast.

If things are going too fast for you....and Honestly I think they are....then you need to talk to him about that. Tell him that you do like him..but you want to slow things down a bit and just have fun and date. I mean you said yourself that you aren't quite sure if you are in love with him....but you enjoy being with him. Its a start....but don't rush things if the feelings aren't all there yet. You just went thru alot and just got out of a marriage. GIve it some time before jumping into something serious.

Frasbee · #3 (**permalink**) 05-09-05, 04:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by smilingeyes

but does this seem fast to anyone?

You know the answer to this question.

smilingeyes · #4 (**permalink**) 05-09-05, 04:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ellynn

If it feels fast to you....then it probably is really going too fast. Also....do you think this is a rebound thing? I mean I see this exact situaiton happening to my friend.

I'm pretty sure it is not a rebound. My Ex and I will be separated a year next month. Before I finally left there was heavy drug and alcohol abuse among other things. Hell, he and his girlfriend have a daughter due in Nov and he has written off me and the kids entirely. My "marriage" had been over for around 3 years before I finally got fed up and left. I do think it is too fast for me, but what is the best way to let him know? Just tell him that if he is thinking about that kind of stuff he shouldn't tell me about it? Ignorance is bliss they say. I'm trying to keep things at a pace that is good for me. I don't want to rush into anything, especially since I have 3 children to be responsible for.

Ellynn · #5 (**permalink**) 05-09-05, 04:41 AM

Just explain to him. Tell him like you told us..how you love doing things with him....and dating him. But you want to slow things down with him. Emphasize that you do not want to break up....but want to take things at a slower pace... Then say that maybe someday you can see a future with him....but for right now you just want to see how things go and just enjoy each other. If he cares about you he will listen to what you have to say and respect how you feel.

I mean its not unreasonable.....