My ex's mad boyfriend

[equivo]

Ok this isn't really about dating but I hope you guys can give me a bit of help anyway.

Basically I have become really good friends with an ex of mine, and we hang out as often as our schedules allow (I'm at work monday to friday while she's at college, and she works saturday so we don't have much time. Obviously she spends a lot of time with her bf too so we only see eachother a few times a month).
The problem is her current boyfriend. My friend tells me that her bf used to be fine with her seeing me cos there was complete trust in the relationship and they both love each other. However today it screwed up a bit. I went to visit her in the early afternoon and she had already told her bf I was coming (she tells him everything). His reaction was kinda ambiguous which is unusual, cos he was always completely fine with it in the past. Anyway as the evening came and she got a text from him in which he hinted quite obviously that he wasn't happy with me being there. She decided to call him about it, and when she raised the subject he apparently hung up on her.

Now neither of us know what to do because we both consider our friendship quite valuable (she's one of my best female friends) but of course she doesn't want to upset her boyfriend.

She's seeing him tomorrow and said she'd talk to him about it and let me know the outcome.

Just wondering what anybody's thoughts are on this. By the way I no longer have romantic feelings for her and I assume she doesn't for me either so that's not really an issue. The issue is the potential loss of a great friendship. If her boyfriend doesn't want me seeing her any more do you think its worth sacrificing our friendship?

[Airborne]

*Back off dude, seriously I have been in a situation where I consider my gf to be to good friends with someone, and it really isn't nice.

*Though the guy is being a complete arsehole asking you to back off completely, stay close friends with her, just don't see her as much.

[gHEXjt]

My girlfriend used to pull shit like that and hang out with guys she had screwed around with in the past, and I never complained, but it did bug me. So back off. Regardless of what she tells her boyfriend, he still won't trust you unless you're a buddy of his. Whether or not you have romantic feelings for her anymore is trivial because no matter what you say he will think you do because you did in the past. Plus, the fact that the two of you are trying to spend as much time together as you possibly can, even if its a few days a month because of your busy schedules, is definitely enough to raise suspicion. I'm not saying to end your friendship, but let her make the decision as to how your friendship continues from here. If she loves her boyfriend and knows this is really upsetting him, she may back off. And if she does, don't push her.

[Frasbee]

You wouldn't mind at all if your girlfriend's ex was constantly hanging out with her?

[equivo]

OK I'll back off. When I left her house I said its entirely her decision what to do and that I'm ok with not seeing her any more if it's what she wants. Yeah I would mind if my gf saw her ex a lot but it's not like we constantly hang out, in fact we rarely do, and she spends a lot more time with him than with me as they go to college together and stay round each others houses a lot.

Do you think it would it make a difference if I got to know her boyfriend a bit? I've only met him a few times, she says we'd probably get on quite well. He seems really cool and laid back from what I know of him so this was quite unexpected.

[equivo]

This may be a silly attitude but the way I see it, there shouldn't be a problem with who she is friends with if there is complete trust in their relationship. She always tells him when and where we hang out, and explains to him what we did / talked about etc. It's not like we're hiding anything.

I dunno, I just think it would be a shame for our friendship to die because of this. I went out with her ages ago and I thought that it was all water under the bridge now.

[gHEXjt]

Regardless of whether or not he trusts her, he doesn't trust you. Straight and simple. And getting to know him won't make a difference. You can trust me on that one. He already hates you.

Look at it this way. Would you want to be friends with some dude who used to nail your chick? **** NO! Well, I guess if a group of friends is passing some girl around, that's different, but you know what I mean.

[Mishanya]

What a hilarious thread

Yes, it appears her bf is a problem. You don't mind her spending time with her boyfriend do you???

Okay. If i was you i would go out and find some new friends. For you however, seeing how you are reluctant to sacrifice this great and extraordinary friendship i would recommend to from now on go out all three of you, your ex, you and her bf. I'm sure her bf wouldn't mind if you two hang around under his watchful eye and direct supervision. You may even win his respect by asking his permission to do things like change a topic of conversation.

Yes, now that i think of it, this fantastic friendship may yet work out. Good luck!!!

[TAVS]

Here's my random story. So I'm good friends with my first love. While with my 2nd love, I would first the first like once every 3-4 months. I didn't think it was a big deal and she didn't seem to mind. Well obviously she did, but she didnt make a big deal out of it. Well now, after 4 yrs, she's left me. Among other things she's thrown in my face is the fact that I remained friends with my first. I guess she was more uncomfortable with that than I thought. Now I have to wonder what I will do about the next girl I end up with. I want to remain friends with past relationships, but the new gal probably won't like that. I could lie and say they're just friends, but I try to never lie to those I love.

[gHEXjt]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mishanya

What a hilarious thread

Yes, it appears her bf is a problem. You don't mind her spending time with her boyfriend do you???

Okay. If i was you i would go out and find some new friends. For you however, seeing how you are reluctant to sacrifice this great and extraordinary friendship i would recommend to from now on go out all three of you, your ex, you and her bf. I'm sure her bf wouldn't mind if you two hang around under his watchful eye and direct supervision. You may even win his respect by asking his permission to do things like change a topic of conversation.

Yes, now that i think of it, this fantastic friendship may yet work out. Good luck!!!

That's a bad idea. No guy would ever want some third wheel hanging out with him and his gf that used to bang his gf. Awful idea.

[TAVS]

Quote:

Originally Posted by gHEXjt

That's a bad idea. No guy would ever want some third wheel hanging out with him and his gf that used to bang his gf. Awful idea.

I was catching sarcasm in that post but maybe it was just me

[Cybog]

Hense one of the many reasons:

Guys and girls can never be "just friends".

[TAVS]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cybog

Hense one of the many reasons:

Guys and girls can never be "just friends".

So me and a female co-worker are going bowling together tomorrow. Are you implying this is a date? *gulp*

[gHEXjt]

Quote:

Originally Posted by TAVS

I was catching sarcasm in that post but maybe it was just me

No ****in' sarcasm in that at all man. I don't want some guy around who used to nail my girl hangin out with me. I experienced that once and had this guy trying to tell me about when he did my girl. Needless to say I let him know I had a baseball bat in my car, and I was going to use his head for the ball. Man, I'm not even with that girl anymore and it still pisses me off to think about it.

[Frasbee]

Quote:

Originally Posted by TAVS

So me and a female co-worker are going bowling together tomorrow. Are you implying this is a date? *gulp*

You're trying to get in her pants and you don't even know it!

or

She's trying to get in your pants and you don't even know it!