Has money ever gotten in the way? - Love Forum

singularity2006 · #1 (**permalink**) 07-09-05, 02:45 PM

My gf is relatively new to the states and naturally there are stereotypes attached to her that she only wants me for my money. Granted, she is in a negative financial standing when u look at her liabilities (car payments) and I'm in a surplus because I've worked and saved quite a long while.... but yeah, she's very aware about the subject of me giving her cash straight but has never said a word when I treat her out (only food though... nothing fancy). Personally, I could easily pay off her car loan or any number of her other expenses, but she would prefer not because then no one could ever say she used me just for $. But has anyone ever been in a similar situation? How did u balance what you spent with what people say? What is the limit to spending if any? Should I feel cheap?

Ellynn · #2 (**permalink**) 07-09-05, 03:14 PM

Alright, well if you want to take her out to dinner or buy her something nice from time to time that is not super expensive....I say go for it. DO not..and I mean DO not feel obligated to do this. Do this because you want to.

As for her personal debt....etc..let her handle that. That should be the least of your worries. She will find a way to work things out. It is not your responsibility no matter how you feel about her. Personally I would feel a little weird if a guy I was dating offered to do that for me. I would feel obligated to him...and honestly its my mess...so why drag him into it? I think I would learn more by getting myself out of debt instead of having someone help me.

As for other people and their opinions as to why the two of you are together...tell them to mind their own business. If you honestly feel she is not using you....and that she appreciates the things you buy for her....then thats all that matters.

Airborne · #3 (**permalink**) 07-09-05, 05:03 PM

It's her job to pay for her own expenses, your job to show her a good time, taking her out for fun is fine, paying her debts is a bit weird, and you shouldn't feel obliged to pay any of it.

Lloyd95 · #4 (**permalink**) 07-09-05, 08:56 PM

Are you guys having sex yet?

Can you say "prostitute"?

Ah, just kidding; I see nothing wrong with paying for dinner and such and eating all the expenses. that's how I was raised anyway. I would, however, caution you to pay off her loans etc. until you are in a much more serious relationship.

My car loan, however, you can pay off anytime, I'll send you the address of my bank

TAVS · #5 (**permalink**) 07-09-05, 09:56 PM

Lloyd, you're great.

Money kinda came into play with my failed relationship. I am very practicle when it comes to money. I'm 25 and own my own house. She, on the other hand, has lots of college debt and likes to spend when she's got. I was working real hard to help her save for grad school and that kinda got in the way of things. I guess watching our spending so she could go to grad school was a bad thing. Go figure.

misombra · #6 (**permalink**) 08-09-05, 12:36 AM

have i mentioned anything about my student loans lately?

...anyway, you don't have to pay her car loan off. she's not pressuring you to do it. it's not an issue. other people are always talking shi.t. it's like that one story about the man and his son and their donkey...anyone remember that one?

Lloyd95 · #7 (**permalink**) 08-09-05, 12:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by misombra

it's like that one story about the man and his son and their donkey...anyone remember that one?

No, enlighten us.

misombra · #8 (**permalink**) 08-09-05, 12:44 AM

it's an old story about a man, his son and their donkey are going into down and at first everybody is walking but as they walk by a village the people are talking smack and saying that somebody should ride the donkey, because that's what he's for. so the son gets on and they pass another village and the people are talking smack again saying, "why is the son riding the donkey and his poor father has to walk!" so then the son gets off and the dad gets on and they pass another village and the people, talking their usual smack say, "look at that poor young boy walking while his father rides the donkey."

anyway the moral of the story is, people are always talking smack. no matter what you do.

Lloyd95 · #9 (**permalink**) 08-09-05, 12:46 AM

Aha; never heard that one.

misombra · #10 (**permalink**) 08-09-05, 12:48 AM

it's a mexican story i think. the flavor hasn't gotten you up in penn. yet.

singularity2006 · #11 (**permalink**) 08-09-05, 01:16 AM

denke for the input. The issue of what others think about is very very shaky mostly because my family is socially visible. Lots of social pressures and things acting against me so I have to be very careful of what we do.

misombra · #12 (**permalink**) 08-09-05, 01:20 AM

well hell if you're rich then pay off the girls' car loan!

can you pay my student loans while you're at it.

i've asked rsk but i don't think he really cares.

TAVS · #13 (**permalink**) 08-09-05, 01:22 AM

Advice doesn't come free does it Misombra?

singularity2006 · #14 (**permalink**) 08-09-05, 01:58 AM

yeah, people do constantly talk shmack. ~.~ if u guys care to read about the drama at work, have a go at it @ this thread:

http://www.bjunkyard.com/forums/showthread.php?t=10767

The Wise · #15 (**permalink**) 09-09-05, 04:00 PM

Ellynn gives a very good advice. Being kind and offer to pay dinner and an occasional present or flowers is part of the game of dating, and you shouldn't even think about why you're doing it

But paying someone's loan or debt, or buying bigger and permanent things should be thought of carefully. There will be a time when you two will be sharing your lives, and that time is marriage (or long-running stable relationship), and your economy will be a single one. You are very kind of thinking about helping her with the car, but if you engage yourself in this, she may feel guilty or in debt with you. It's best that no one feels in debt with the other until you two believe you're going to be a couple forever.

Quote:

Originally Posted by misombra

it's a mexican story i think. the flavor hasn't gotten you up in penn. yet.

Not to be picky, but the story is older than Mexico. We had that story in Latin class in high school (translation exercise), I don't know the author but it was definitely a roman novelist, who in turn probably got the idea from a traditional story!