not quite dating, but still confusing . . . - Love Forum

bretema · #1 (**permalink**) 26-09-03, 06:16 AM

Hi, I am new here . . .
I am hoping that somebody might be in a similar situation and might be able to give me some insight--I have been friends with a man 13 years younger than me (22) for about a year and I'm not quite sure where either of us stands--this would not be an issue at all if I weren't so fascinated by him . . .Can a friendship like this really happen and stay a friendship or am I in denial (I'm also married and NOT thinking about cheating, but the fascination is there)--We get together for coffee (sometimes chat for four hours at a time)--Is this simply a natural need to have friendships and can he possibly just want to hang out with me? I would appreciate any insights, please!

Illusional · #2 (**permalink**) 26-09-03, 08:11 AM

i would say yes. since the thought of cheating didn't or doesn't cross your mnd and you have fun with this person i would say that he is another friend. your husband might think otherwise but from a guy's point of view. if the sex stops, then he might think differently. raverboy

bretema · #3 (**permalink**) 26-09-03, 09:19 AM

thank you--I would appreciate even a bit more insight from the men here (as well as the women, of course)--Does a guy go out of his way to hang out with an (older) woman for hours? I refuse to think in terms of gender stereotypes and that is what I'm getting from a couple of my girlfriends: "he's having coffee with you? that only means that he wants to sleep with you"-- Can a woman and a man be friends and just friends, or is it just a way to mask something else going on? And what does it mean that he keeps telling me about his dream wife and his past relationships? I AM SO CONFUSED !!!

Zekk_T_Strife · #4 (**permalink**) 26-09-03, 10:44 AM

Where there are MANY instances of males only being a girls friend just to get into her pants. However a truly plutonic relationship is absolutely possible. I've been in a very close yet completely plutonic friendship for 6 years now. There may arise some sexual tension and that's really the only thing you have to watch out for. If you know for a fact that you're both completely comfortable in your friendship as it is then it's not unusual at all. Hope that helps.

Illusional · #5 (**permalink**) 26-09-03, 04:18 PM

haha there are some friends that i have however, that i wouldn't mind getting flirty with... *wink* raverboy

bretema · #6 (**permalink**) 26-09-03, 11:35 PM

thanks guys--
I just realized from my posts and your answers that I'm not being as honest as I could with myself . . . You're so right, raverboy--I probably want to get "flirty" with him but know I shouldn't and I'm dying to know if he's feeling the same way . . . What am I doing? Obviously, marriage doesn't stop one from fantasizing, right? the key is not to act on it . . . Am I just digging a deeper hole here?