Weird/Sudden Anger - Love Forum

#1 (**permalink**) 11-09-05, 12:39 PM

Hey guys!! it's been a long time since i've posted here..

this is a serious and very sensitive problem, and i'd appreciate some advice instead of smart ass jokes like i know you guys can come up with

w00t i'm 15 now.. anyways

Blah blah.. for those of you that know me, I was with Megan 1 year and a month, broke up with her, 3 days later went out with Jordyn and it was the best thing for me--going on happily ever after with her....UNTIL:

I have realized something very, very, VERY strange. Every time she accomplishes something, or tops me or beats me in any way whatsoever (i.e. makes a better grade than I did on a paper, etc..) it makes me so angry I could just slap her.

This seems VERY immature, doesn't it? It has been a huge problem for us. I've talked to her about it and told her how I feel. Anything whatsoever--no matter how little it is, it creates a huge rage and what I end up doing is something to justify for that anger. For example, I'll go flirt with other girls in front of her or do something to spark a jealousy in her.

I know that feeling angry is normal--but this is WAY past the limitation.

Those that know me also know I'm a freak about psychology. I can analyze a lot about people. Now, I've come to the decision that this is what happens subconciously:

Because my dad is very masculin and instilled fear in me and my sister growing up, I feel the need to please my dad. And to do that, I need to prove myself as a strong, controlling, masculing male. The way I observed him treat women as well as my mother in general has led me to subconciously believe that no woman should EVER be able to get away with topping me in any way whatsoever.

The therapist totally agreed and was shocked by my theory. He said I was totally on track.

Given this, I try to create jealousy in her as a way to "control" her.

Now, I'm aware of the problem, and I try to tell myself to stop every time I feel angry--but how do I get rid of it?!

Airborne · #2 (**permalink**) 11-09-05, 01:05 PM

Lay the smack down on your *****

lol though seriously hang around woman more, and view your Father as inferior in some way, and bare in mind it doesn't matter in the slightest if she beats you in something, i mean think about it, your 15, in the long run who cares?

#3 (**permalink**) 11-09-05, 01:09 PM

most of my friends are women, and i view my father so badly i moved out of his house i was like **** it he stole the cell phone i bought and paid for monthly with my own money. i live with mom now.

lol

thx for the advice though
u made me laugh

Elven Lied · #4 (**permalink**) 11-09-05, 01:18 PM

Look, the guy i'm going out with now, makes less than me. Alot less than me. I even tell him sometimes to stop working. He leaves early in the morning, comes back home much later than me, and makes almost nothing.

Not that I mind, I really don't. I still love him, and I don't love him any less. But we've talked alot of times about it, and even when we're out with our friends, he feels very bad and ashamed that I make more than him, and enough for the both of us.

It's really a manly thing I guess. If he made more than me, and enough for both of us, I really wouldn't mind at all. And sometimes he gets angry, but I know it's because he's a guy, and guys need to feel that they are in control.

It's really nothing to be ashamed about. I know you might get angry, but it's really not worth flirting with other girls and putting your relationship on the line for.

Airborne · #5 (**permalink**) 11-09-05, 03:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LTsK8eR2gO

most of my friends are women, and i view my father so badly i moved out of his house i was like **** it he stole the cell phone i bought and paid for monthly with my own money. i live with mom now.

lol

thx for the advice though
u made me laugh

Haha, bare in mind I do not really know your situation, and if you do view your Father as inferior why is it that you want to impress someone inferior?

If most of your friends are woman then you clearly respect woman unlike your Father. Are you sure it is to do with your Father anyhow?

KeepMeAsALie · #6 (**permalink**) 11-09-05, 08:27 PM

That is an awful way to feel. I really hope your therapist can help guide you to the right path. In a relationship, there shouldn't be jealousy towards each other.. when she excels in school, you should be happy for her. Be proud of her amazing accomplishments. This isn't saying you aren't as smart as her, or that you will amount to nothing. I'm always getting better grades then my boyfriend did in High School.. he doesn't get upset about it.. he laughs it off like it's not a big deal. I'm sure your girlfriend must feel like crap if you are thinking about physically hurting her, for her sucess.

My advice is to continue with counseling. I have been in about 3 different therapists.. some help, others don't. Find one that suits you well. Attack your problems, or the issues at hand. Work towards trying to find out what triggers them, and hopefully someday they wont be problems anymore, but memories in the past. My issue is jealousy.. I freak out if my boyfriend even says HELLO to a girl.. that's something I need to work on. We all have little things we could touch up on. Hope all goes well.

#7 (**permalink**) 12-09-05, 05:20 AM

yeah

i know i should feel happy--but in reality, i don't. she's very understanding of the problem, and i tell her that if i could change it, i really would. i'm trying very hard to do so, too. it's not a question of who is smarter than the other, we both know the answer to that, and it's not very relevant to the threat here. i just gotta figure out how to stop myself from feeling that way, i'll talk to my therapist about it.

Ellynn · #8 (**permalink**) 12-09-05, 10:22 AM

The good thing is you realize its bad to feel that way........ At least its a start. Otherwise you are gonna scare off alot of people.....

#9 (**permalink**) 12-09-05, 11:16 AM

i'm VERY aware of the problem, and I know it's dynamics etc etc etc but HOW do I fix it?!

Ellynn · #10 (**permalink**) 12-09-05, 11:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LTsK8eR2gO

i'm VERY aware of the problem, and I know it's dynamics etc etc etc but HOW do I fix it?!

We can't exactly tell you how to fix it. I mean yeah we could...but its a matter of you really taking it into consideration what we are saying and actually changing how you are. I do think therapy is the way to go on that. Because this is something you have grown up thinking was ok.

You need to let things go. Stop competing w/people..... Be happy for them. You are your own person....and you might excel in some things while you lack in others....but thats normal and ok. Everyone is different....but if you love someone you have to realize that you have to let them grow as a person....and encourage and support them instead of insulting or hindering them.

If you feel anger coming on......take a deep breath....really think about why your angry....and ask yourself....."Is it worth it?"

Honestly Im no Dr. Phil......or licensed therapist......but that is what I would do in the situation. But then again I don't know what its like to be in your shoes...

#11 (**permalink**) 12-09-05, 12:13 PM

sounds logical, i'll try it out tomorrow and i'll tell you what happens.

boobaa · #12 (**permalink**) 21-09-05, 03:49 AM

*goosfraba*

chelsee · #13 (**permalink**) 21-09-05, 04:38 AM

you sound alot like my ex. anyways he couldn't stand it if i did anything better than him. it was kinda all about control. i never did anything like say i won you lost, ha ha ha. it was just any little thing that i did better he got really pissed off about. what i did was start to notice more of what he did accomplish and give him lot's of compliments. in the end that didn't seem to work to much either though. but i do give you alot of credit for seeing what you are doing wrong and trying to make better of it, good luck to you.