I don't want to be a houswife!

[mlejoy]

the man i am dating sees a woman's role (in a relationship and marriage) to be that of a housewife. he thinks the woman should stay at home and cook and clean, and take care of him..and he in return goes out and works and pays the bills.

i however, think exactly opposite...i don't think that just because i am a woman that i am the one that should be doing all those things. i tell him i want a relationship or marriage to be a parntership where we both make decisions together, where we are equals. i have no desire to cook or clean...i don't want to be ruled by a man.

i do think that if i have kids, i would stay home with them until they went to school, but the idea of staying at home and cooking and cleaning for the REST OF MY LIFE is inconceivable to me. i think i would go out of my mind. i need and want more out of my life than that.

he tells me that i am being self centered and unwilling to compromise...i think the fact that i would stay home with the kids until they were in school IS a compromise.

my guy is latino and i am white and i think a lot of this is a cultural thing with how he was brought up. his view of women seems to be that they are not as good as men. he told me the other day that his wife would have to have sex with him whenever he wanted - regardless if she felt like it. i couldn't even believe it when he said that! i guess i just cant understand why he thinks that way.

i'd love to hear other people's opinions....

[squirrley]

My best friend is Latino, and for the last 6 months Ive learned a great deal about the culture. She says the same thing, that it is for a woman to stay at home, be all those things you mentioned, and as odd as it is to us, its odd to them to think women would work. You will come across so many different differences in the culture and it is mind boggling. When she told me she wasnt allowed to have friends and or go out, or where certain clothes that revealed her shoulders, I sit there in awe and what the hell? I could go on, but apparently this is the way its been for generations, even those arranged marriages.

I dont know how long you've been with him, but you will find as time goes on, that most latino men feel this way and then there are those that are more Americanized in their beliefs. I agree with you in the fact a marriage is about partnership, fair share in all aspects of a marriage.

I wish you the best of luck, and I guess the only thing I could suggest is that you continue to keep your lines of communication open and express what your needs and wants are, and or your expectations. Compromising is such a huge thing in a relationship and boy oh boy Im learning that all too well!

[Ellynn]

If you guys are disagreeing on that....chances are its not gonna work. Hey I dont blame you for not wanting to sit home and eventually take care of the kids. It WILL drive you nuts! My friend tried doing that and ended up getting seriously depressed. You need an outlet too.....whether its a job or something etc.

You are not being unreasonable for wanting things to be equal. In this day and age most parents BOTH work. I say put your foot down and if he doesn't like it then you know its not gonna work.

[shh!]

As a mother, I will say that I planned to go back to work fairly soon after I gave birth, but once I had my babies, there was no way in HELL I was leaving them with someone else to take care of. Good thing for me that my husband was supportive either way, and I guess I found out I am somewhat more traditional than I thought I was.

That being said, if you are certain this is not the life for you, then this relationship is obviously not a match. Hispanic culture tends to be very patriarchal, and he is crystal-clear about what he expects.

On the other hand, maybe HE would be willing to stay home and raise the kids while you support the family? I've seen it work...

EDIT: I also should say that I don't exactly see how staying home and raising kids makes you "inequal". That attitude often says more about an interpersonal relationship than it does with employment status.

[Ellynn]

I would like the luxury of staying home with my kids until they get to be about a yr old....etc. My mom stayed home for 10 months after having me....but she had tons of vacation time stored up. That way she didn't have to lose her job, but she could still be with me and my sis.....

[nendo]

i am a man and i don't see women as staying home. seriously. i believe that women have every rght to get a job and do what ever the hell she wants. if she doesn't want to clean then don't. if she wants a job go get one. just because her sexual organs are on the inside doesn't mean shes less capable at doing a man job. i believe that men should help out in the house as much as the women. share duties and stuff. after all thats a relationship. trust, fun, sharing alot more but can't be bothered typing.

i know i try to do as much around my house as i can (17 i am). it not fair to lave women doing the shit jobs all the time.

tell the man in your relationshi. i shall do whatever the hell i want to. just because were going out doesn't mean u control everything i do

[Asip4u]

Quote:

Originally Posted by shh!

EDIT: I also should say that I don't exactly see how staying home and raising kids makes you "inequal". That attitude often says more about an interpersonal relationship than it does with employment status.

--Bingo!--

[carpflounder]

Quote:

Originally Posted by mlejoy

he thinks the woman should stay at home and cook and clean, and take care of him..and he in return goes out and works and pays the bills.i however, think exactly opposite.......

I think thats great. Its so sexist how many women wants guys to pay all the bills while they get to stay at home. If you want to pay the bills and have your husband stay at home than more power to you.

If your looking for someone..er a husband candidate..let me know too.

[bluesummer]

My bf is the same way.....he is east indian, and in their culture the women do EVERYTHING at home. It bothers the hell out of me. It actually has been the reason I'm considering ending our relationship, because his ideas of what a wife are and mine are totally different. I expect an equal PARTNER. I wasn't born to serve.

[Late_vamp]

Quote:

Originally Posted by nendo

i am a man and i don't see women as staying home. seriously. i believe that women have every rght to get a job and do what ever the hell she wants. if she doesn't want to clean then don't. if she wants a job go get one. just because her sexual organs are on the inside doesn't mean shes less capable at doing a man job. i believe that men should help out in the house as much as the women. share duties and stuff. after all thats a relationship. trust, fun, sharing alot more but can't be bothered typing.

i know i try to do as much around my house as i can (17 i am). it not fair to lave women doing the shit jobs all the time.

tell the man in your relationshi. i shall do whatever the hell i want to. just because were going out doesn't mean u control everything i do

hey man , your telling me a woman can be a plumber ? iv NEVER seen a woman picking up shit form ppls cans , nor have i seen construction workers that lift heavy things and theres women working ... thats BS , a woment cant have ALL the jobs a man can , a man cant work at a freaking panty store . also if a women somehow gets a superiour position in a company , lots of employes will not like getting orders form a women , dont forget , not so long ago (in our parents era) things were different . its only natural if most men think like that (they were raised that way ).

also women make less money for the same job men do (thats only for some jobs tho , like doctors)... and women can't protect a family (have you ever seen a women say to their kids and husbands"" kids go inside , ill take care of this "" and MAN-handles the aggresor...nope i thought so too . im not saying women should be housewives , but im saying there;s a place for each of us and some ppl tend to forget their only 100 pds , cant lift more than 30 pds and have breast to FEED children , thats why they have BREAST and men dont ... just saying a woman can NEVER take a mans place . no matter how thick her mustache is .

[bluesummer]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Late_vamp

hey man , your telling me a woman can be a plumber ? iv NEVER seen a woman picking up shit form ppls cans , nor have i seen construction workers that lift heavy things and theres women working ... thats BS .

Yes, women can be plumbers. And garbage collectors. And construction workers. I've met many. My mother is an electrician, and a way better one than most of the men she works with. Most of them are beer swilling fat lazy morons. Which is why she's the superintendant (she's smart and she actually WORKS). And she's good looking to boot.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Late_vamp

a woment cant have ALL the jobs a man can , a man cant work at a freaking panty store . .

Sorry. But I've seen guys working at the lingerie stores at the mall. Quite a few times. Strange, but refreshing. I guess men can't be nurses either right?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Late_vamp

also if a women somehow gets a superiour position in a company , lots of employes will not like getting orders form a women , dont forget , not so long ago (in our parents era) things were different . its only natural if most men think like that (they were raised that way )..

This is so archaic! This isn't 1950. Women are just as capable of taking on positions of authority, and if there are still some neanderthal men out there that 'don't like taking orders from a woman', then tough shit. They need to get over themselves.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Late_vamp

just saying a woman can NEVER take a mans place . no matter how thick her mustache is .

Again, totally archaic. Trying to portray a woman doing a so-called 'man's job' as being some ugly bull dyke. Give me a break. I know how to frame and drywall a house, and last time I checked, I was still pretty feminine.

I understand there are still men out there that are initimidated by women with a brain and strength of character. I'm sure they WERE raised that way, but just because one has ignorant uneducated parents, doesn't mean they shouldn't try to rise above.

[Airborne]

Quote:

Originally Posted by carpflounder

I think thats great. Its so sexist how many women wants guys to pay all the bills while they get to stay at home. If you want to pay the bills and have your husband stay at home than more power to you.

Haha that's brilliant.

Well I have to say you are probably right, it is the cultural difference. The only way you can change his point of view is to pt yor foot down and say what you want, he can like it or leave it.

[Late_vamp]

now hold on , i never said it was bad in any way , your telling me this is not true :

Originally Posted by Late_vamp
also if a women somehow gets a superiour position in a company , lots of employes will not like getting orders form a women , dont forget , not so long ago (in our parents era) things were different . its only natural if most men think like that (they were raised that way )..



""This is so archaic! This isn't 1950. Women are just as capable of taking on positions of authority, and if there are still some neanderthal men out there that 'don't like taking orders from a woman', then tough shit. They need to get over themselves.
""

i never said they werent able to take any positions , i just said that some ppl wont like it . THATS ALL !!! you dont need to get so offended if you feel your being targeted .

also again , are you disagreeing with me and your saying im wrong and that women CAN as a FACT lift heavier things NATURALLY without taking steroids more than a male . each one has his advantages and disadvantages , and theres no way a female can be stronger than a male unless he's the weak type and she's the steroid type . but in a construction place ... come one ...why would you hire a women when you can hire a 6'5 man with arms the size of the womans body ...why??? who the hell would pick a girl over a man to lift heavy things ? its like picking a midget to play in a basketball pro league . it makes no sense ... and men working in an undy store ...they must be gay or desperate .

[clynn]

You should find someone who shares the same values as you, don't you think?

[Diablo]

I agree. It's not going to last between you and this guy.