Marriage and a house???? - Love Forum

smilingeyes · #1 (**permalink**) 29-09-05, 04:09 AM

Ok, I'm back to posting, though I have for the most part always been here reading. My BF In the last month (Sept) has told me that 1. He was in love with me and always have been 2. He plans on marrying me when my divorce is final. 3. He wants us to buy a house together next year (granted he plans on us being married when we do, but is leaving it up to me when we do it. I guess you can say this has come a long way since FWB back in July. What do you all think. I love this guy. I am totally crazy about him. He seems to love my kids and wants to spend time with all four of us. He wants to get reaquainted with my family bacause he knows how important they are to me. I have two emotions pulling at me right now. I'm totally floored that he feels this way after being together only 3 months (after about a 10yr break) and it kind of make me a little nervous, on the other hand, I just thrilled at the thought that someone could love me as much as he seems to and want to spend the rest of his life with me. Like I said I'm crazy about him, I do love him, but it seems like this crazy whirlwind romance sort of thing. The relationship is great, the communication is awesome. We can talk about pretty much anything with eachother. He is open and honest as am I, about pretty much everything about our past and present. It almost seems to good to be true, except I have known him for about 13yrs and that is just how he is. I just want to get a general idea of what you might think may be going on. Is it too good to be true, or do you think there is something wrong with this picture?

TIA

Bluevetteracer · #2 (**permalink**) 29-09-05, 05:09 AM

Sounds like he has always been in love with you. After 10 years, he has not found anyone else?

Men don't get over women the way women get over men. Some women will always be special to us, and we never really get over them.

From the little information, I would say go with it, but take a year to get married. Jumping out of one marriage into another may not be a good idea for you or your kids.

Start a classical dating schedule, after a few months after your husband is out of the picture. This more for your kids then you. They must see that you are of sound mind and judgment, and quickly shacking up is not rational to children. They need time to adjust to change, and need to feel good about the idea.

Date for a few months, and then have him over one night a week for family diner with the kids. Integrate him slowly, and after everyone is comfortable, make the marriage plans and plans for a home.

Don't let your kids think you ended a marriage because you wanted another one. Let them see, that your first marriage was special, it brought forth your children, and offer whatever reason seams appropriate.

If guy #2 is the one, then he will wait as long as it takes to make a smooth, rational transition.

shh! · #3 (**permalink**) 29-09-05, 05:30 AM

Personally, I would exercise quite a bit of caution. You are coming out of an abusive marriage, and statistically speaking, this puts you at an elevated risk of attracting another man with "issues", especially if you haven't had any therapy. (How long have you been separated from your husband, by the way?)

Additionally, I am very uneasy with a man who would dive without hesitation into a relationship with a woman with three children. That is a HUGE step for him to take, and I would have expected him to be somewhat apprehensive. Also, if you have been dating him for only 3 months, you are still technically in the "honeymoon" period.

I suggest a very long engagement and caution about involving him too deeply in your children's lives for a while. Bluevette is right about kids needing time to adjust.

Junsui · #4 (**permalink**) 29-09-05, 05:31 AM

I agree with shh!

smilingeyes · #5 (**permalink**) 29-09-05, 06:59 AM

My ex and I had been separated for 10 months before I started seeing my current BF. We would be divorced already except he had kept ditching the divorce server and our divorce will be final Dec 25th. I only recently, within the last month, started an introduction to my kids. No kissing or anything sexual, just getting them used to having him around. They seem to really like him, and he likes them. I was also very disturbed about him getting into this relationship with me having 3 kids. I actually bring it up to him quite a lot. I DO NOT want him to go into this with anything but his eyes wide open. He regularly assures me that it doesn't bother him that I have three children. Actually, he tells me sometimes, that he wishes we had never broken up in highschool and that they were his(our) kids. In fact, my oldest daughter asked me if my BF could be here new daddy. We actually discussed this a couple days ago, and are trying to figure out a way to approach this with my daughter

Lloyd95 · #6 (**permalink**) 29-09-05, 11:11 AM

Is it just me or does everyone on this forum fall in love and want to get married in 3 months time?

shh! · #7 (**permalink**) 29-09-05, 11:18 AM

You noticed, too? haha

Ellynn · #8 (**permalink**) 29-09-05, 11:21 AM

My friend is in a similiar situation. Shes in the process of getting a divorce (was with him 7 yrs)and has been dating another guy for the past 5 months. She also has 3 kids and realized lately that she wants more....and her new bf wants more with her too. Im happy for them...cuz they are talking all futuristic....but wow....slow down.

I would definately take my time if I was in this situation. Get to know each other better. See how things go. Do all the normal steps of a relationship....but do them slowly and with caution. You don't want to end up in the same situation in 10 yrs time do you?