Confusing friend

[Meiso]

I recently approached a very close girl friend of mine and told her that I've had strong feelings for her beyond the bounds of our friendship. She said she couldn't date me because she wasn't attracted to me. I asked if it was looks... She denied it, saying that I was VERY attractive. She went on to say that she'd be self-concious with someone who looked as good as I do. She said that looks and attraction are different, as there was just no chemistry.

Have I ruined the chance of chemistry by being the available "friend"? Should I make her work a lot harder for my company? I know I can be too predictable... But I'm just questioning whether I can really be her friend when I still want her. Does her response about attraction and looks sound legitimate? She insisted that she honestly thinks I'm very good looking... But the self-concious part of me tells me not to believe her. While I've been trying my hardest to be a friend... She's gone right back to being flirty with me and it's driving me nuts. She told me I have no chance with her... Yet a few days after telling me this... She was touching me and making jokes with light sexual content. She even tilted her head showing her neck asking if I wanted to lick and taste her perfume. She even started hugging me lots again after going through a phase where she stopped. Am I wrong to see this as being unfair AFTER I told her that her physical contact is frusterating to me? Orrrrrrrr... Is it possible she does want me in some form but can't/won't say so because she knows I'm wrapped around her finger?

[jane]

maybe she is attracted to because you are good friends. I would say she has already told you how she feels. She loves you but she's not in love with you, she is attracted to you but not attracted to you... I think she doesn't want to hurt your feelings thats all. I am sorry.. I am sure this isn't what you wanted to hear. I would just let it lie and be what you can be with her. It's better then not having her at all right?

Jane's right. It's better to know her and be her friend rather than not knowing her at all. And she probably doesn't want to hurt your feelings... hey man, atleast she's your friend.

You really can't ask for anything more right now. She's not the one for you.

LINEBACKER 2

[Meiso]

Yeah... Maybe not. But friends who are trying to spare your feelings don't come onto you in a physical way that is clearly beyond that the boundaries of friendship. Like come on... Asking me to lick her neck and ear? Sorry it's stuff like that which makes me wonder if I can be a friend.

Well... if Jane asked me to do that, I'd do it and still be her friend and then I'd want more.

LINEBACKER 2

[Meiso]

Yeah... Obviously... But if someone knows you really want them, and they have no intention of ever being with you... Isn't that just teasing?

[jane]

LOL......

Sure, it's totally teasing. It's leading someone down the garden path with poor intentions. It's cruel and misleading. You'd have to confront that person and get a straight answer on that persons intentions.

If you don't get a straight answer, then it is probably best to avoid the situation entirely.

LINEBACKER 2

[Meiso]

I get the same response all the time. "Oh I was just being friendly, I thought that's what you'd want me to do instead of being unfriendly. If you want me to be not so nice just say so". She honestly thinks I imagine the akwardness that behavior creates.

[jane]

she's a tease. Even with that answer of , "you don't want me to be so nice" She knows you are attracted to her and is using it to her advantage. It's a power trip thing.. Forget her, she just wants to lead u on.

Listen to Jane. She's a tease. Leave her alone.

LINEBACKER 2

[DuckyWucky]

Quote:

I would just let it lie and be what you can be with her. It's better then not having her at all right?

Screw that girl. Who cares about being her friend, all she's doing is misleading you when she knows you like her. Honestly man, I'd rather have nothing to do with a girl that gives me that kind of emotional stress. You were her friend, you wanted something more, she doesn't, so screw her!

Do you really want to be her friend and hear her talk about some other asshats she starts to date? It'll make you think, "What the hell do they have that I didn't?" It'll cause more stress on your part. I say do one of three things.

1.) Get over her and don't let it bother you by her leading you on some more.

2.) Get involved with another girl so you can let go of this one.

3.) Stop being her friend.

If you still like her, it's going to make it harder as time progresses. Maybe I sound bitter. I 've been in your shoes, and after saying I'd go ahead and be friends, it resulted in me hating the bitch and having nothing to do with her.

[jane]

Excellent advice...listen to DUCKYWUCKY!

[Meiso]

Well. It's been awhile. I backed off as far as I could go without being an ass to her. I don't call, I don't message her. She messages and calls ME now. She initiated some rather long phone calls, and asked me out several times. In once instance she asked if I wanted to spend a Saturday night at the movies and out for drinks with her. She paid for everything. She was very flirty... Asking why girls were smiling at me, and started dipping into other areas of my personal life which I diverted. I left town for a little over a week on business. She was really upset before I left saying it wouldn't be the same knowing I wasn't a phone call away. Whatever. I didn't call her that week... But I called just about everyone else that has been good to me. I got back and she's been super sweet, if not flirty with me. Maybe I'm reading into things but I really think she's crossing the friendship line again. She asked me out this weekend and said she wouldn't take no for an answer. I just laughed. She told me how she blew off other guys because it wouldn't feel right unless it was with me. Right before she left she said "Don't you forget... We're going out!"... So I'm back to where I was. Confused and pissed off. Coming from someone who turned me down... I almost find it offensive that she'd tell me that she's blowing off all these other guys to be with me. The last time we were out we stayed out together until 4 in the morning. She spent the night telling me how great of a guy I was... How I was different than everyone else, and how she missed me. I totally dismissed it and didn't play into it at all.

I almost wonder if she's had a chance of heart since for the first time in a year I've had the guts to walk away from her and mean it. I showed her I meant it because it wasn't it a one or two day deal. This has been a month and a half. Now she's asking ME out on her weekends... And asking me who I've gone out with and what I've done.

Maybe I'm crazy... I don't think I am. What's going on here?

[Spiff]

I've seen the exact same thing hapening to a friend of mine!
Stop beeing the controled and start acting as the controler, don't you see what she's doing? She simply loves to have you as her puppet, do to her what she's been doing to you. That's the only way she can see and feel the bad she's doing.
Three possible outcomes from this:

- She will understand (trully), apologise and stop teasing you;
- She will understand, see what she's missing and start dating you (remote chances of happening);
- She will not understand and will stop talking with you prgessivelly (if this happens, then she really isn't your friend. What's the point of having a friend if the friendship isn't based on equality? You're not her obeying little poodle!)

Afcourse, something else might happen, the imponderables are always present

Just one last thing: Your feelings towards her make you see fellings on her that are not really there, taking wrong conclusions of her actions. You must take this to acount.