A poem yes sir by me

[Only-virgins]

I never knew
When I wished for you
That the wish I wished
Would soon come true

I never knew
When I dreamed of you
In the dreams I dreamed
You would love me too

So why has nothing happened
So why the hell have you gone
You have made me an empty shell now
no love
no life
no fun

You are dating some prick named Frank now
I will soon find where he lives
I will walk over to the door step
and when he opens I will show him my fist

Then eat his brain

[Miss hotty]

That was good until you said Then eat his brain

[Only-virgins]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Miss hotty

That was good until you said Then eat his brain

Oh come on! I thought it was a nice finishing touch and that it added some elegance to the poem

[Miss hotty]

Ok if you say so

[Only-virgins]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Miss hotty

Ok if you say so

Do you always take everything so seriously?

[Miss hotty]

No i just like pulling peoples leg lol

[vashti]

I like the last line the best.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Only-virgins

I never knew
When I wished for you
That the wish I wished
Would soon come true

I never knew
When I dreamed of you
In the dreams I dreamed
You would love me too

So why has nothing happened
So why the hell have you gone
You have made me an empty shell now
no love
no life
no fun

You are dating some prick named Frank now
I will soon find where he lives
I will walk over to the door step
and when he opens I will show him my fist

Then eat his brain

it's good except for the end. rewrite it if you care that much.

[LordOfTehVirgin]

Quote:

Originally Posted by vashti

I like the last line the best.

Same here.

[Gigabitch]

Beautiful. Save me some of that brain.

[Fnord]

I'd condense the last line of the second stanza from

Quote:

You would love me too

to

Quote:

You'd love me too.

in order to keep the metre of the first stanza. But that's just my opinion.
I also like the last line best

[misombra]

beautiful.

[Only-virgins]

I knew the last sentence would be a instant classic and hit! See, in your face Miss Hotty. She really is dating some Frank guy lol .. I did kick his ass once right before getting kicked out of a club thingy.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fnord

I'd condense the last line of the second stanza from

to

in order to keep the metre of the first stanza. But that's just my opinion.
I also like the last line best

That actually does make it sound better, things like that I don't always notice.

[Ath]

I liked the last line best. Nice work

[Miss hotty]

Ok OV i have my hands up saying i was wrong