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13-06-07, 05:03 PM
|  | ---NIHILIST--- | | Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: YOU A$$ OF A
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| | | A poem yes sir by me I never knew
When I wished for you
That the wish I wished
Would soon come true
I never knew
When I dreamed of you
In the dreams I dreamed
You would love me too
So why has nothing happened
So why the hell have you gone
You have made me an empty shell now
no love
no life
no fun
You are dating some prick named Frank now
I will soon find where he lives
I will walk over to the door step
and when he opens I will show him my fist
Then eat his brain
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13-06-07, 05:08 PM
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| | | That was good until you said Then eat his brain
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13-06-07, 05:32 PM
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Originally Posted by Miss hotty  That was good until you said Then eat his brain Oh come on! I thought it was a nice finishing touch and that it added some elegance to the poem 
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13-06-07, 05:34 PM
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| | | Ok if you say so
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13-06-07, 05:59 PM
| | ---NIHILIST--- | | Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: YOU A$$ OF A
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Originally Posted by Miss hotty Ok if you say so Do you always take everything so seriously?
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13-06-07, 08:00 PM
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| | | No i just like pulling peoples leg lol
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13-06-07, 11:33 PM
|  | Lloyd is a dirty old man "Hot Love Pancake(s)" | | Join Date: Dec 2005
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| | | I like the last line the best.
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13-06-07, 11:55 PM
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Originally Posted by Only-virgins I never knew
When I wished for you
That the wish I wished
Would soon come true
I never knew
When I dreamed of you
In the dreams I dreamed
You would love me too
So why has nothing happened
So why the hell have you gone
You have made me an empty shell now
no love
no life
no fun
You are dating some prick named Frank now
I will soon find where he lives
I will walk over to the door step
and when he opens I will show him my fist
Then eat his brain it's good except for the end. rewrite it if you care that much.  | |
14-06-07, 12:17 AM
|  | Rawr | | Join Date: Jun 2007
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Originally Posted by vashti I like the last line the best. Same here. | |
14-06-07, 06:39 AM
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| | | Beautiful. Save me some of that brain.
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14-06-07, 10:43 AM
| | Fnord | | Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: Sydney, Australia
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| | I'd condense the last line of the second stanza from to in order to keep the metre of the first stanza. But that's just my opinion.
I also like the last line best | |
14-06-07, 10:54 AM
|  | atada a mis pies. | | Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: 45 degrees away.
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| | | beautiful.
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love flowers best in openness and freedom. -edward abbey desert solitaire.
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14-06-07, 11:50 AM
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| | I knew the last sentence would be a instant classic and hit! See, in your face Miss Hotty. She really is dating some Frank guy lol .. I did kick his ass once right before getting kicked out of a club thingy.
Originally Posted by Fnord I'd condense the last line of the second stanza from
to
in order to keep the metre of the first stanza. But that's just my opinion.
I also like the last line best That actually does make it sound better, things like that I don't always notice.
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The power of not giving a F*ck...so immense...so intense...very few can wield this power.
Last edited by Only-virgins : 14-06-07 at 11:53 AM.
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14-06-07, 02:26 PM
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| | I liked the last line best. Nice work
__________________  There are some things you just can't explain with the word... fate. You're just going to have to see it with your own eyes.
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14-06-07, 04:43 PM
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| | | Ok OV i have my hands up saying i was wrong
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