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21-09-07, 05:34 PM
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| | | a poem. Me
and
You.
When will we ever be
together?
You promised it will be now.
Instead its never | | Loveforum Breaktime | | |  | Loveforum also recommend - Green tea - Help in weight loss and decrease rate of getting cancer.
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26-09-07, 04:53 AM
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| | | too simple and too pushy.feelings are the key to god poetry | |
26-09-07, 06:42 AM
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| | | I like it.
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26-09-07, 07:06 AM
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| | | Oh come on,any romance ,no.....,it needs a bit of ,redecorating
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weep and you weep alone,
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for it has troubles enough of its own | |
02-10-07, 12:27 PM
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| | | ^
if you knew anything about art in general is that you either appreciate it or dont,YOU, never change what has been made. | |
02-10-07, 01:04 PM
|  | spiel mit mir... | | Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Australia
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Originally Posted by cuddlemonster  ^
if you knew anything about art in general is that you either appreciate it or dont,YOU, never change what has been made. that's not true. Sure, not all people will appreciate the same thing nor will they agree on what good art is, but it is the job of the artist to CREATE art, and that implies some effort and craft. 3 words really, and what do they say? Nothing at all, they just take up space. It's already implied below that there are 2 people in the situation, so what is the purpose of those 3 words?
When will we ever be
together?
You promised it will be now.
Instead its never
Too vague and simple. It's one question and one statement. I could go into the grammatical incorrectness, but I've already said too much  I know this isn't a forum for critique, but I can't help myself when someone brings up the whole "it's not my fault you don't like it, it's art and I don't want to change it"
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06-10-07, 06:26 AM
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| | | To each HIS own.
Last edited by cuddlemonster : 06-10-07 at 06:29 AM.
Reason: wordiness
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06-10-07, 11:11 AM
| | spiel mit mir... | | Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Australia
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| | | sorry, but spouting back quotes doesn't work
poetry is not for one person
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06-10-07, 02:06 PM
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| | | ^
lol poetry is not for one person??? R U SOME POETRY NAZI???? lol wow... in the past ive wrote poems for just 1 person... THERE I SAID IT... R U going to put me in an oven? | |
07-10-07, 04:28 PM
| | spiel mit mir... | | Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Australia
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| | | No, I've just been writing poetry for 3/4 of my life and have taken poetry courses at university level and its something I'm well read on.
Once you write a poem and public show it, it's no longer for one person. If you want to write it for yourself only, OK, but don't expect everyone else to get the same kick from it or to be remotely affected by it. You may write something personal, like the above, but that does not qualify as a poem, Stringing words together is not poetry.
I'm not saying you aren't capable of writing a poem, I'm saying what you posted here is not a poem.
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08-10-07, 03:42 PM
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| | | You fail to impress me by saying you studied and the University level. trying to develop credibilty on the web is futile.
so much depends
upon
a red wheel
barrow
glazed with rain
water
beside the white
chickens.
-William Carlos | |
08-10-07, 08:03 PM
| | spiel mit mir... | | Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Australia
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| | | Well you sure as hell aren't impressing me.
Don't try to compare your poem to this one. What you fail to realise is that this poem is packed with imagery - that of a wheelbarrow, a common place object that is emphasised by this poem. Why is it emphasised? Why, that's the question that makes this poem clever. How is it emphasised? The rain glazing it and it's placement (it being red) among white chickens (contrasting).
The first stanza of this poem urges to read along and find out what depends on it, and why. The following 3 stanzas are each offering an image. There is enjambment, there is flow, there is vivid imagery.
Your poem has a few statements, no imagery, and no poetic technique except for one useless rhyme. Therefore, it is no comparison to the one above.
I really couldn't care less what you think of my credibility, but you asked whether I was a poem nazi and I answered you.
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10-10-07, 12:50 PM
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| | | wow. you totally missed the main idea of that poem.
WHY does so much depend on the wheelbarrel? TELL ME.... i know why, i know why so much depends on it... AND you... YOU DONT... HA HA! lol. no matter how much you try you are to narrow minded to know. this isnt about my lil poem its about your narrowmindedness and your lack of creativity and common sense. peace. | |
10-10-07, 06:51 PM
| | spiel mit mir... | | Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Australia
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| | | Yes, and your little work up there is the epitome of creativeness I bet.
Am I really going to believe that you know the point of this poem, you who can't even get the point of poetry in the first place, who doesn't even get the point why your 'poem' isn't a poem, who doesn't even understand or rebutt my main arguments?
Until you give me a reason why your poem is any good (apart from "it means something to me and i don't want to change it") you're going to be a total ignoramus.
But whatever, do what you want and get back to me when someone other than your friends and family and clueless teens say your poem is any good.
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11-10-07, 04:32 AM
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Originally Posted by miSSleepy Until you give me a reason why your poem is any good (apart from "it means something to me and i don't want to change it") you're going to be a total ignoramus.
Actually, he doesn't need to defend it. This isn't the "eviscerate me" thread.
You're coming very close to bashing, miSSy. Are you just particularly passionate about poetry, or what?
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